So as we jump into the discussion of relationships and marriage this morning, I think we can agree that the value of marriage and the picture or definition or description of a healthy marriage and our culture today is changing The reality is is that depending on what studies you look at roughly 50% of marriage relationships and in divorce, the cohabitation rates are on the rise. And there's been a stronger emphasis on finding the perfect person which usually finding the perfect person is finding that person that will not make you change at all, which then is assuming that you are already perfect. And so then you must find your equivalence of perfection out there. And we've we've elevated this idea of me is greater than we when a biblical concept of marriage, marriage really came in in genesis chapter one when God created man and woman. There's actually a funny story about a small child in sunday school was learning about the story of Adam and even in the bible it says that God formed Eve out of a rib of from adam and that they are created and both created in God's image and that they are created equal. Well, this little child, this little kindergartner learned the story, went home and his side started hurting and and says, honey, are you okay? And he said, I don't know, but I think I'm getting a wife. And so marriage really entered the scene in genesis chapter one and send and enter until genesis chapter three. And so it's this idea or the concept of relationship and and if you're not in a relationship, understand that some of the most prolific figures in history, we're also not married. So jesus paul and some others. And so you can take the foundations of these principles and apply it into your existing relationships. But Peter is going to be talking about marriage. Peter is married, it talks about his going over to his in laws house actually in scripture and that a miracle took place there, not the miracle of going over to the in laws, but a miracle actually took place there some healing and so that um so he is a married apostle follower of jesus riding to an early church that was facing persecution. And he gives principles of how that you can actually grow and grow in your relationship with God with how you treat those around you. But before we jump into that, I want to share a quote from a scholar named john Woody who said this about the changing shifting nature of the idea of marriage in our culture today, he says, and I quote, the older ideal of marriage as a permanent contractual union, designed for the sake of mutual love, Procreation and protection is slowly but surely giving way to a new reality of marriage as a terminal sexual contract designed for the gratification of the individual parties involved. And again, it's this idea that me is greater than we, but what we find routinely in scripture, that it's when you give of yourself and you humble yourself in the form of a servant, that the we, or the relationship is elevated, Jesus actually gave this display and it was not in a marriage context, it was actually in close friendship relationship with the disciples in John Chapter 13 and it really was setting up as the last supper, he did something unthinkable and he washed the feet of his disciples. Pastor Clark actually shared during the announcement time about how there's actually a group where they go down and serve the homeless this weekend on saturday, there will be a group that's actually washing the feet. Well, this, this role, this picture of jesus washing the defeat of the feet of his disciples was a role that was safe for the lowest of low servants, and so he washes their feet and peter is actually one who was like, no, jesus, you can't do that, you can't wash my feet and any foreshadows really end up dying on, he's gonna die on a cross and that ultimately, that he's gonna provide washing of really not just your feet, but your soul, and then he gets to this interesting, really paradigm shifting, culturally shifting command That he gives in John 1334, 35, and he says this, he says a new commandment, I give you, That you love one another, just as I have loved, you, you also love one another by this, all people will know that you are my, decide that you are my disciples. If you love one another. Now the command to love one another is not new. Even the command to Love God is based out of what's known as the Shema in Deuteronomy Chapter six. So the difference though is that he says, the new command I give you is to love one another, as I have loved you. As demonstrated by the fact that he washed their feet and then later and much greater of impact have actually died on the cross for our sins. And so in the old testament, you really see about 600 commands in the old testament, that was a lot to follow. And that's where guys who were called Pharisees got in trouble because they had rules on rules on rules. And so they they loved rules. And so jesus comes in and he says, let me simplify things for you And give you one and to make it clear that everything else in your life will flow out of this one idea that if you would love people the way that God has loved you, everything else would be transformed. And so what we see is that the rest of the new testament is an outpouring in an out plane of this new command. And so we see it in relationships in the church, we see it and how you deal with authority today, we're gonna see how this plays out or is applied in relationships and in marriage. And so everything points back to this, Let me give you another example, paul is writing a letter Now, paul was not married, Apollo writes a letter and is there an Ephesians chapter two that we have this incredible verse of you have been saved by Grace through faith. And he talks about the power of that salvation and that you've been created for good works in the name of jesus and it's all this power and then it gets to Ephesians chapter four and he says therefore walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you've been called, Walk in this love, walk in this picture. And then he gets to Ephesians chapter five and he says this and I put a couple of verses on the screen for you and it says therefore be imitators of God as beloved Children. Walk in love as christ loved us and gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Look carefully. Then how you walk this is verse 15 and 16, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. And then in verse 21, it says submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. And the and the reason I emphasize this is that the idea of relationship a lot has been taken out of context, within scripture and you're gonna know what I'm talking about when we get to the passage that we're going to read together. That's seen kind of this controversial in today's culture, but it's really not when you apply it how the disciples apply to because he's saying that submission is mutual in reverence to jesus. And so there's a question out there. Is that what what is it that happy couples? No. What is the truth? That happy couples, couples that go the distance that have that legacy type relationship that we all long for to have? What is it that these couples, these happy, these healthy these holy couples know that sometimes we miss I believe it's this is that they believe and know that relationships at its core relationships are a race to the back of the line, relationships at its core is a race to the back of the line. You are elevating we over me that collectively, together you are submitting to one another. This idea of submission or being subject to is the idea of not being right but surrendering your rights. Jesus was equal to his heavenly father. But in Philippians chapter two, it says that he submitted to the will of his father and laid his life down on a cross. And so the picture we have of submission Is one of Jesus dying on the cross. But then also when you see this picture of you should love your spouse as jesus did. Well, how did jesus love the church because in Ephesians chapter five, the continuation of the passage I was reading to you, it says the marriage in a christian culture, a christian marriage is supposed to be a representation of christ and the church and should be some of your greatest testimony within our culture where relationships are falling apart, It is how you love one another that should stand out. And that picture of love is jesus. And so when he writes the, when paul is writing to wives, he's saying be like jesus and when he's writing to husbands, he's saying husbands be like jesus and together, it's really an application of that new commandment that says love one another as God has loved bus. And so for ways that we see that relationships are a race to the back of the line and already mentioned one of them, and that is that we have to understand that submission is mutual, submission is mutual, that it is a collective game. You're it's a team sport, you're on the same side that in reverence to jesus, if we're talking about power, Jesus used his power to show love. It talks about how love and scripture casts out fear. Second timothy 17 for God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self control. And so we live out of that and he gives you spirit to go and live that out. But secondly, we're going to see that relationships are raced to the back of the line because honor is love in action. Honor is love in action. And now we're going to go to a controversial passage, this was all a setup for this, but we're actually gonna go to what was seen as controversial in their day, not our day. See, we're gonna talk about rights between men and women and roles between men and women and and some of you kind of know where we're going, you're like, oh let's see what he says here and you're already a little bit angry at me, it's okay, just wait. Um but in our culture here is we have come so far actually because the teachings of jesus have been applied in Western civilizations and I say that because the person who valued women the most was actually jesus, jesus assigned value and showed and showed up and and was friends with and did miracles for and the and the first ladies that were the first testimonies um at his resurrection at the tomb and that it's been said that of any grouping of people, it should be ladies who are followers of jesus because jesus before it was culturally accepted, lifted women up and I say this because in that day, in the time of scripture, in ancient near east, in the roman culture greek culture, women were described as property, they were described this property, they could be owned and sold and dismissed by men. They had no voting rights, they had no power. They had, they could not even offer testimony in court. And so you're gonna see this relationship between men and women. And so you're gonna see someone talking about how ladies should treat men. And that's not gonna be seen as controversial in that day because they're just saying, well that's just how life is. But then he goes to the men and he says men, you need to do this like wait, hold on a second. This is against everything our culture has taught us and it's all centered around the topic of honor which is love in action. So let's dive into this controversial in this day passages. First Peter chapter three, we're actually gonna start at verse seven and then work our way kind of backwards. Peter is writing last week, we just finished up first Peter Chapter two and we talked about how our ultimate ultimate example of submission and suffering well is Jesus. Peter uses this word. Likewise, another words he's saying, Hey, you know how I just talked about, Jesus. Likewise, you do the same thing and he says, husbands live with your wives in an understanding way showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. This is not a play on power. This is not a play on value because notice the very next phrase since they are heirs with you of the life of the grace of life so that your prayers may not be hindered. We sang this morning about how you are seen as a child of God, I had the privilege when I started dating Samantha who's now my wife to have a great relationship with my father in law. But I've heard interesting stories of guys who went to get the blessing of their father in law um from who and it just became a scary scenario and and so and I understand now that I have a daughter and I'm just like you just innately just like become super protective and you're just like, you know, and that's why I've decided Chloe won't date until she's about 30 35. And so um and so and then you just have this protection. Now, here's the thing, if you are seen as a child of God, okay guys in the room, you have to understand that how you treat that lady that is God's daughter. And if God daughter is there and he's sustaining your existence, he doesn't have to take you out for the talk. He could end it right now, he could end your life. And so like we have to understand that how we treat one another as Children of God matters. And so this idea of a weaker vessel is just a practical sense, it's not power, it's not value and it's not even, it's just a generalization that on average guys physically are going to be stronger than ladies in the room. And so he's just making a statement and he's connecting it with honor. He's, what he's saying is look if they have the same value as you, if they are, is described as a daughter of the God who created them, then place yourself in a place of honor so that you can lift them up and that you use any strength that you have to honor them. And so you see this picture because really it's a challenge to guys for to love Ladies and their significant person in their life in four ways. Number one guys are to love physically. Some guy said, I'm like, oh yeah, okay, got that down in a relationship. That's not what I'm talking about, Okay. Um but what I'm saying is when I say to love physically, I mean to be present, he's saying here that this wasn't a culture where they would go off, they would do all kinds of things. And when you view someone as property, you don't treat them well be saying no, live with this is an intentionality. So to be physically present and your job might take you away, you might travel, you might go away. And so it's not Practically possible to be physically present 100% of the time. But the goal then becomes that whenever you are there be there, this is where phones make it really tricky for relationships, doesn't it to be present. We struggle and I and I include myself in this. It's very difficult to be present in the moment when you feel like you've got something pressing in your pocket, write something buzzing, some a message or email or communication that you have to respond to. And so the challenge here to live with is to love physically by living present. But next we see in here that ultimately that we are to love intellectually this means to live in an understanding way. So, and this is where it's difficult for some guys like myself that we are called to listen to understand, not to reply. I know everyone's wired differently, but my personality is that I'm wired to try to fix something. And so even to this day, right, Samantha will say something to me and in my head I'm like, oh we'll just do this. It was like, well no, I just want you to validate my feelings, right? And I'm like, well I don't want to validate, I just want to fix it and move on. Come on. There's a game on, let's let's figure it out. And so I've learned that like in in loving someone well and loving my spouse, Well, it's about listening to understand. Not necessarily listening to reply and to be connected with face to face and side to side. So guys, we need to love physically by living present. We need to love intellectually by listening to understand, not just to reply. We need third, we need to love emotionally. This means to honor and everything that it's one thing to provide and that's healthy but are you honoring in an emotional way to connect at that level? Are you willing to be vulnerable? And that's difficult in our culture. We're starting to get better at that. But in most cases, okay, especially if you just go back even in the last 2030 years. In most cases if you look at a sitcom or drama, it's always the dad or father figure that is dumb, that is not present, that is not healthy. And then usually it's the kids are left to fend for themselves and then figure it out and then it's usually an obscure character that then saves the day our culture is not portrayed men in a very strong loving way. It's not been seen as cool to be vulnerable and so but yet if we want to love well what he's saying here is that we have to love emotionally by being willing to be vulnerable and to express feelings. And even saying that as a guy that that's tough for me to admit, I'm just being real with you. Okay, so we're to love physically intellectually emotionally. But then also spiritually, that last phrase is kind of terrifying. It says in there. It says so that your prayers may not be hindered. It's almost a sense of God saying, why am I gonna answer your prayers if you're not loving my daughter in the Lord's prayer similar concept. It says, Lord forgive us our debts as we forget our debtors understanding that we can love others. The way that God has loved us is expressed when we spiritually lead our family as well. So relationships at its core. If we want to be successful, it is a race to the back of the line. It's putting we over me, it's acknowledging that submission is mutual in reverence for jesus and that honor as love in action. I used to say this all the time to our students. Um, I was a youth pastor about 12, 13 years And what was interesting in, in the age of adolescence, here's what they're fine. They're scientifically finding this is that 15 is the new 25 and 25 is the new 15. Here's what I mean by that is that because of technology Kids are exposed more as kids now than ever before. So 25 things that people were not learning till they're 25, They're not really now they're learning at 15. And what's scary is it's probably younger than that. If you're thinking about having some difficult conversations with your kids, I want to encourage you to do that because I guarantee they've already heard something at school and I'd rather have them here and learn and discuss it in a healthy context from family than from a friend who doesn't know what they're talking about at school. And so 25 is kind of the new 15 because people are being exposed to things quicker sooner and then it's this pressure just built on. But then on the flip side, 15 is the new 25. Because they're graduating, people are graduating, they have a lot of debt. We went through back in, oh wait, there was this big recession, we're kind of coming on the other side of that, but they have this debt, Everything's more expensive. Um I've done some really, some scholarly research stuff, not myself, but really synthesized it for a doctorate work that I'm working on right now about next generation leadership. But they said 30 years ago, the difference between someone who was 65 and 35 financially was 8-1. So 30 years ago, if you were 65, you most likely had eight times more money than a 35 year old. Do you want to know what the separation is today? 20-1. So the same age gap today, if you're 65 versus 35, most likely on average is a 20-1 difference. And so costs went up, education went up, people went in at the same time starting income kind of states similarly, and there wasn't as many positions because now people are working longer. And so you had this group of people Who went through with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, so they don't trust marriage, they don't trust institutions, Everything is way more expensive. And so you see a lot more common people saying, well, I'm just gonna wait. And so they wait to start relationships, they wait to buy houses, they wait to go through all this stuff. And so you see this, that's why it's so difficult for people to respond and go through this transition time. But what I challenged our students for 12 years and I want to challenge the guys that are here, that if you want to make a difference, if you want to live a life and have a relationship that has an eternal impact and you want to impact your community at some point in time, the boy sits down and the man stands up at some point in time, you gotta decide that I'm gonna own my faith, I'm gonna own my life. I'm gonna choose to follow jesus, I'm gonna choose to love my spouse, well, I'm gonna choose to serve and to use anything in my power so that I can make a difference for him and that I can love people the way that jesus loved us because our culture does not need more boys that can shave our culture needs men of God who can serve amen. And so we've been challenged to do that and we can rise up and do that and we have the example of jesus to follow. So this is all as we continue on now, we're gonna move to what's seen as controversial in our cultures time and it's gonna be here in versus we're gonna go here verse one and two, and it's just ultimately, you're taking notes, you're gonna write this down. That respect wins relationships, respect wins relationships. This is gonna be the passage these next to this is where you might go, and that's okay, understand the fact that you might cringe at This means that we've come a long way as a culture and that that cringing is actually an understanding of what scripture means here, it is likewise referring to ladies like jesus. Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if they do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure, this is lifestyle evangelism, he's not saying not to speak, he's saying that your life will speak louder than what you say. Same thing works with Jesus in Romans 2 4, it says it is the kindness of jesus, the kindness of God that leads me to repentance. And so he's writing in a context where if you are in a married relationship or dating relationship, where one is not a christian or not a believer, he's saying, live in a way that shows purity and shows respect, so that they can see that you are different. This idea of respect, winning relationships and it's connected Now, if there's safety involved. If there's abuse involved, you need to get out, you need to be safe and to love in that context. There's a whole another message for a whole nother day about that. But in this case, what he's saying is that it's not about nagging, it's not about trying to run everything and trying to control everything and complete control of everything that you will do what I say, or else it's this idea of respect and it works hand in hand when the person is respecting and loving and serving you. This is why submission is mutual. And then we go on to the last thing here and that is that our value comes from God. Our value comes from God. And I'm gonna be dishonest with you. This is this is a weird passage, but understand the context for which it's given. And then we're gonna talk about the principles that still apply to us today. So the first one being subject to your husband is saying, show respect in the same way that husbands we need to love and serve and sacrifice for our wives, wives need to show respect for what they do and who they are in their relationships. So verse three, he says, do not let your adorning be external. The braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear. But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is in God's sight. Very precious for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord. That was a title, not referring to God, but just the title of reference. And you are her Children. If you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. So there you have it. If you have braided hair, you are in sin. No, I'm just kidding. It's not true. It's not saying that okay, what he's saying is that your value, your worth does not come from that. It's not saying that you cannot wear jewelry. He's saying that your jewelry will not add value to you That your beauty is imperishable. He uses the same word and perishable to describe faith in Chapter one. And so what he's saying is your beauty is of the same value as eternal life with God. And that he you are you have been created in his image and you are beautiful and you are amazing as God created you. So don't get your value from products. Don't get your value from a comment from a coworker. Don't get your value by the looks or things that are around. It's not saying don't dress up and and don't do things there. What he's saying is that your value is so much bigger than that. That your worth comes from God and that your beauty comes from within that when you live in that way, their lives are changed relationships at its core, our race to the back of the line. And we see that when we love people, like jesus loved us, this means that submission is mutual, this means that honor is love and action. This means that respect ultimately wins relationships. And then finally, your value does not come from what you wear, but whose you are. And so to remember the greatest picture of love, we're gonna move now into a time where we take communion. And so I'm going to invite the band up on stage and to give you a heads up. We're about to do that once a month as a rhythm of a church family as the church ordinance. We take what's called communion, there's gonna be a plate that passes by. And if if you're not sure what you believe yet, if this feels weird, I want to give you permission to let it pass by. But if you love God, if you believe in jesus, I want you to take these elements as a picture for your marriage or your relationships that you're in right now and we're going to pray together as a body and then we're gonna take them together in remembrance of how jesus died for us so that we could live for him and love people in our lives the way that Jesus loved us, let's pray dear Heavenly father, we thank you God, We trust you with who you are God. You do not consider your power something to hold over us, but rather you sacrificed your life so that we could experience your love. This is the picture of a healthy relationship. So God, it's my prayer. There's guys that we can love fully, physically and intellectually emotionally spiritually. God. I pray that we can honor God for the ladies in this room, in their relationships. I pray that they can lead with respect, get their identity and their beauty from God and that collectively together, we can serve you and love each other. Well, thank you for dying on the cross for us. Thank you for loving us. That's in your son's name. We pray Amen.