Do you have any gardeners in the room? Anybody garden? Anyone think it would be cool if they were a gardener, but realize it takes a lot of work? OK. Um, here's the thing, you don't stumble into a healthy garden, right? There's not a lot of gardeners out there because it takes a lot of work, doesn't it? Right? If you want a healthy growing garden, it takes planning, planting, intention, attention, uh, consistency, right? Gardens require you gotta prepare the soil, you gotta plant the seed, you gotta water the roots, you gotta prune branches from time to time. And just as it's difficult to sustain a growing garden, so too is it difficult to raise a godly family. A lot of the actions still apply, that it takes planning. It takes planting, it takes watering, and it takes consistent effort and energy to really grow a healthy family. See, we're in our series entitled Walking with Jesus. We're so far we've talked about what does it mean to walk in love, or to walk in light, or to walk in wisdom. And last week, we talked about what does it mean to walk with Jesus in our relationships. Well, today, we're gonna talk about what does it mean to walk with Jesus in our families. And we wanna talk about how, how God has called us to really have a growing and healthy home. If you're taking notes, I encourage you to write this down. That spirit-filled families aren't controlled, they're cultivated. Spirit- filled families aren't controlled, they're cultivated. I say that because you can't look in the backyard and just be like, grow. Like it doesn't work, like you can't force growth. Maybe you've heard the phrase, uh, you know, looking for greener pastures, or the grass is always greener. When people are looking for all that family or that situation is better than mine. And I don't necessarily believe that the grass is always greener somewhere else. What I do believe is this principle, that the grass is greenest where we water it. It's where we water. What areas in your life are you watering consistently? Earlier this week, my kids were playing in the backyard, so I turned off the sprinklers because I didn't want it going off on them while they're playing basketball and jumping on the trampoline and whatnot. And I forgot, hypothetically speaking, maybe, I don't know, uh, to turn the sprinklers back on. And as Arizona is starting to heat up to 1000 degrees like a pizza oven, uh, having forgot to turn the sprinklers back on, just like a day and a half later, all of a sudden the grass is starting to get brown. I was like, what's going on? And then I have that moment like, oh yeah, I forgot to water it. OK. Some of us in this room, I think, are forgetting to water what matters most. And we're wondering why we don't see the development or growth in our families. But I say spirit filled because we cannot grow on our own, that we need the power of the Holy Spirit in our relationships. Last week, we shared about the connection between wives and husbands. And that ultimately, it starts with us being filled with the Holy Spirit, submitting to one another in reverence for Christ. And that we can be Jesus to the other person through submission and sacrifice and service, that we can actually elevate marriage and put the gospel on display. Well, today we're gonna continue reading in Ephesians chapter 6, about how the Spirit works in and through our families. But before we jump into Ephesians, I want us to understand that spirit-filled families are being formed by God to be a force for good. That families are really God's plan A. It's the way that God works through the universe. That God does his deepest work. But also we have our biggest challenges in our families. I once had a pastor tell me, he said, John, I wanna tell you the most encouraging and discouraging thing when it comes to parenting. I said, OK, I'm all ears. What is it? He said, well, as good as a parent as you can be, you will never out-parent God. Is that safe to say? Like. Yes, of course. OK. So, OK. Well, if you're not gonna outparent God, consider this, that God in his perfection, in His holiness, at one point, a third of his angels and the only two human beings that he created rebelled against him. I was like, great, thanks for the pep talk. I said, no, no, no, it's discouraging and encouraging at the same time because, OK, first of all, if God has children that rebel against Him, then what are the chances that we're gonna have children that rebel against us? I'm like, OK, he's like, that's the discouraging part. The encouraging part. Is that even in all of those rebellions that happen throughout generations and legacies, in all those cases, God brings about reconciliation and redemption. And so we think we have this pressure that we have to like force our kids to be good, to, to force our kids to turn out a certain way. That in reality, it doesn't always work that way, does it? Right? We think A + B equals C. When in reality, we get A plus B equals -27. You're like, wait, what happened here? Understand that family life is messy life, but it's where God does his deepest work, but it's also where Satan's gonna attack most frequently. Think about this for a second. Adam and Eve come to the garden. Where did Satan attack first? Marriage, OK? Where did Satan attack second? Children. So Adam and Eve get kicked out of the garden, cause Adam is just passive, right? And like the very first guy that ever created, he's got everything at his forefingers. And he's like, hey, Adam, what are you thinking? I don't know. Right, we get kicked out of the garden. OK, they go, they have a couple kids. We don't make it until children 4 before one child kills another child. So there is sibling rivalry and hatred and dysfunction and family from the very beginning. But there's also family is where God brings about his mission, his vision and redemption. But don't just take my word for it. Let's, let's, before we jump in Ephesians, I want you to see the value of family throughout Scripture. See, in Genesis 1:27. And 28 says, so God created man in His own image, and the image of God He created him, male and female, he created them. Then the very next verse says, and God blessed them. God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the birds of the heavens, and over every living thing that moves on earth. So the very first thing, the very first mandate given to a couple is to be fruitful and multiply. And this message applies to all of us because not everybody in the room has kids, but everybody in the room came from parents. And so there's a dynamic and a relationship between parents and children that pass along, and we're gonna see here over the course of scripture in the next few minutes, that even if you don't have biological children, you can be spiritual parents to those in the faith community and beyond. And those relationships are the most important thing that God will move in and work through to bring about revival to this generation or the next. Not just in Genesis, you go to Deuteronomy. And we have the shamar or like the, the big commandment that Jewish families will repeatedly pray and say over and over again that even to this day, Christian families routinely say this verse or a form of this verse as a prayer over their families. It's found in Deuteronomy chapter 6, verse 4 to 7, says here, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one, that you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. OK, what's the very next action? Say you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise. The very next action after believing this in your heart is to pass this along to the next generation. Isn't it crazy to think that we are always one generation away from complete revival in faith or complete rejection of faith? And so what you believe and what you share matters, not just now, but for the ripple effects into all of eternity. So we, we go, we have the people of Israel, they go into the promised land, they, they win the promised land, but now the land is filled with all these different gods, all these different beliefs. And Joshua, in the middle of all these pagan worships and, and other uh belief systems in their land, takes a stand for faith. He says this in Joshua 24:15. And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve. Whether the gods your father served in the region beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you will dwell. But as for me, in my house, we will serve the Lord, right? In our culture, where we worship the idols of politics, when we worship the idols of pleasure, when we worship the idols of money, and, and, and fame and popularity and, and materialism, and selfishness. You have to make a decision for you and your family that as for my family, we will serve the Lord. Cause it's not just your family's sake, it's your legacy and it's the generations to come that are dependent on your faith and your choices today. In the New Testament, you go to the great commission, some of the final words of Jesus. He says these these words in Matthew 28:19-20. Go therefore, make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. So we just practiced that as a church family last week, right? But it doesn't stop there. It continues on saying, teaching them to observe all that I've commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age. In other words, you're gonna need the Holy Spirit to parent your children in faith. See, spirit-filled families aren't controlled, they're cultivated. Right? It's not about performance. You, you can't just white knuckle parenting and, and hope to get something out of it because it doesn't work. And then not to mention, parenting is difficult, even on your best day. And some of us come from difficult situations growing up. And now we haven't dealt with our own issues, and now we're in charge of little people. Like I remember uh having my first child and I was not a baby guy. I was the youngest in my family. And I'm, I was a boy, so I wasn't really, I just did sports and wrestled and built forts and all those things. And then you become an adult, and then I, I have a kid and so my first diaper ever changed was in the hospital and I was like, wait, I'm in charge of a life now. Like I remember being so freaked out. But yet God comes in and gives us what we need when we need it. To parent the next generation. But we need the spirit. You can't control it. It's gotta be cultivated, similar to a garden, right? You can plan, you can prepare the soil, you can plant the seed, you can prune, but it's God ultimately that will provide the growth. So when you think of families and parenting and in children, You have really two roles. You have the children's role, and you have the parent role. And now we're gonna jump into Ephesians chapter 6, and we're gonna see how these roles are described. So first, for the children here in the room, it says the children's role is obedience and honor. Obedience and honor. This is found in verses 1 through 3, and it reads this, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, for this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Obedience and honor. Let's talk about this. So it starts here and it's really to obey is to listen under. And so we're thinking, OK, but John, does this apply to me? Well, children literally is translated offspring. So the general idea is that when you are living under the roof of your parents, right, there's obedience required. So in today's age, right? You're living under till like, it seems like 30 or 35, right? Is that fair to say? OK. Um, anyway, it got quiet. This must be too real for some people in the room and beyond. OK? Now, the idea is growing up, there's this, this concept of obedience. Which is following the instruction of an authority figure. And when you have the instruction of authority figure, you want the obedience right away, right? Delayed obedience is still considered disobedience, right? If God tells you to do something, and say, OK, OK, wait, that's still disobedience. Partial obedience is also disobedience, right? When God gives you 4 things to do and you do 2 of them, you're still walking in disobedience, right? If we're playing the children's game. Uh, Simon says, right? You know, the one, Simon says, raise your hand, right? And everyone raised their hand. We played first hour, it was great. You wanna play now? No, OK, we're not gonna play now. I was just channel my VBS MC for a few minutes. But in the game, when the, when the MC says, Simon says, raise your hand, what, what's the expectation? You raise your hand, right? It's not, oh, I see what you're doing, Simon. That was a really good raising of your hand. I got you. I got you. You don't sit there and go, Simon says, raise your hand, and like we sing songs about it, right? We don't go home and study what is Simon raising his hand mean in Greek, right? No, the, the point of the game is really simple. Simon says, raise your hand, you raise your hand. And at its simplest form, that is obedience, right? Following the instructions of an authority figure. So we're called to obey, but then it says that phrase, to obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Why does God include that? Well, in the Lord gives us both the example and the limit of obedience. First, it gives us the example because Jesus Christ in Philippians 2 says he obeyed the will of his father. That's why he went to the cross, that Jesus is the example of obedience to a parental figure. Now it's the Trinity, 3 and 1, fully God, fully separate. It's hard to understand. But in Jesus, we still have the example in relationship to his Heavenly Father. And so this idea here is that in the Lord is that he gives us the example, but also in the Lord gives us the limit to where obedience ends. Because if you are in an unhealthy situation, you're not called to obey something that is against the will of God. Because we have broken people with broken things that get into broken relationships, and then don't always parent the way that God has called us to. So what do you do in that situation, right? That's why it's so important here to understand, OK, what is the will of God? What is the word of God? Right? You don't have to obey sin cause you have to stand for what is right and it says for it is right. In other words, that it, are you following the heart and character of God, right? Obedience starts young because obedience is how you function in life, isn't it? If you don't learn to obey parental figures, you're gonna struggle in school with teachers, with coaches, with employers, and other situations. So it's really preparing you. But what I love here is that it doesn't just stop at obedience, cause at some point you age and you move out of the house and it feels a little disconnected, right? At what point do you stop disobeying? Here's the thing, while obedience is really geared towards when you're in the home, honor is forever. Honor is something that you get to give on behalf of the other person, right? To honor something is to value. That thing or that person on the price that has already been paid, right? If you purchase a ticket to go to a sporting event or a game, you will get a ticket. And then when you go to the front of the arena or the theater, you will show that ticket, so they will honor the price that had already been paid When you choose to honor someone, in this case, parents, you are choosing to honor them based on the price that Jesus already paid. In other words, you might have heard the saying, you know, respect is earned. Yes, but honor is given, and so you can choose to honor your parents to this day, how you speak to them, how you love them. Right? If 90% is a struggle and something you're wrestling with, can you honor them with the 10%? With this, this posture of gratitude, the posture of who God's called you to be, and that you can honor the people that God has placed in your life because it softens the soil of your heart. That's why I think it's fascinating that when Jesus, uh, when God gave the 10 Commandments in Exodus, the first commandment when it comes to relationships is to honor your parents. Because that's the first and key relationship in your life that shapes the rest of your relationships in this life. And he, and he continues on, that's why he quotes that passage in which he actually says, I'm gonna go ahead, let's go ahead and skip and put this on the screen. Here, Exodus 20:12. It says, honor your father and mother, and that your days may be long in the land and that your Lord your God is giving you. And so you have this picture here in the commandment there of the people of Israel. On their way to the promised land, is saying that you will live long. It is a principle, it is a promise that as you practice obedience and honor in your life, it positions you for a longer, healthy life, cause it positions you from a place of humility. This isn't just in parents, it's also with God. He, Jesus is speaking in verse John chapter 14, verse 15 and 16. He says, if you love me, you will keep my commandments. I will ask the Father and he will give you another helper to be there with you forever. In other words, that if you love God, you will obey what God has called you to do, and he's gonna give you the Spirit to help you do it. Right. And then we know in our hearts that parents love it when there is honor, and then this is joy, right? Cause John is writing this to his spiritual children here in John 3rd John chapter 1 verse 4. He says, I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth. Uh, we're up at the church a lot, obviously, work here, um, but what that means my kids are up at church a lot. And so this week I came into my office and my computer screen was covered in Post-it notes, and I have ones like this one. And I was like, oh man, who put all these Post-it notes on my screen? And this one says, I love you, Dad, love Chloe. And little stick figures, right? And at first I thought it was my belly. I was like, oh man, it's kind of large for a stick figure, but I, now I think it's actually like hands, like hugging. OK. Both probably true, but. OK. I had one of those parenting moments, just moments earlier in the car, right? You know, like, I'll pull this car over, ah, right? So we weren't in the greatest of places. Is that, is that fair to say, you know what I'm talking about? OK. And so when I go and I saw these Post-it notes, what do you think I thought? How dare you? No, no, I loved it. My heart melts immediately, right? Because as a parent, When you get that expression back, right? You love it. Why? Because you love your children. When's the last time you wrote a little post-it note to God, if you will? When's the last time you shared that expression? Of gratitude to your Heavenly Father. When's the last time you expressed gratitude to your parents? For, for those who grew up in faith households, right? For me, I think of my parents and and the work ethic that they taught me in faithfulness and, and just serving and loving people well. I think of even my grandparents. I think of my My grandfather, Donald Boyham, who we called Grandpa Farmer, until I, until I was older, I actually thought his actual name was Grandpa Farmer because he lived on a farm. And so, but like the work ethic there, or I think about my grandma Lonnie, who used to pray uh for ministers to come in her family and, and see through that. And so like the legacy beyond that, right? You can, you can obey, you can honor. And even if you've come from a broken situation, You can take that and turn. And start a new direction and legacies for not just this generation, but generations to come, right? By deciding today. But the reason that's important for you and I is because obedience and honor help prepare you for life. The reason it's such an emphasis now, and it's so difficult now, right? Children, it's hard to obey. We don't want to. Why? Because we wanna do what we wanna do when we wanna do it. And here's, here's the secret. Your parents are just as bad as you are. Because we do the same things. If someone tells us what to do, we immediately go, no, I don't want to, right? It's natural to rebel, but when you learn the practices of obedience and honor, it places you and prepares you for a healthy life long term, OK? So we have the children's role, obedience and honor. But now we have the parents' role, the parents' role of discipline and instruction. And uh now this one's not on the screen, but let me just share this here with you because uh this is what works in our home, OK? So we have 5 reasons we discipline here in our house, 5 reasons that we discipline in the Craigwell household. Number 1, we discipline for dishonesty. OK? Telling the truth is important, right? So we discipline for dishonesty. Number 2, we discipline for disrespect. Especially if you're disrespectful to mom. OK, there's consequences involved. OK? Dishonesty, disrespect. Number 3, OK, if there's disobedience, right? There's discipline. If we tell you to do something, you don't do it, there's consequences behind that, right? Number 4 is danger, right? We discipline because if not for mistakes, but if there's danger, right? If, if your child's gonna run into a busy highway, that's not the time for gentle parenting. Come on, Billy. I don't think it's great to come, like, no, like you wanna protect the child, right? So discipline's appropriate there. OK? Dishonesty, disrespect, disobedience, danger. And the 5th reason we discipline in our household is if you're a Dallas Cowboys fan. I, I kid, I kid. I kid. We don't discipline for that. Being a fan of the Cowboys is punishment enough. No, I share that a lot of my friends are, uh, fans of Dallas Cowboys, and I like that. I intentionally make friends with Dallas Cowboy fans because they're gonna be loyal through all the highs and very many lows in life, right? I know they're loyal with me. I, I joke and I look, misery loves company. I'm a Cardinals fan. We're not a lot better, OK? When you're excited and disappointed in the draft, that's not the greatest thing. But look, just some extra advice for you. Hey, if you're single in the room, I encourage you to try to date somebody who is a Cardinals or Cowboys fan. Think about it, right? They are forever optimistic. They are committed for the long haul. OK? And then bonus, bonus, if you get to the point of planning a wedding, you already know that January and February are gonna be free. Right? Where were we? OK, in all seriousness here, let's get back to your description and see what does the Bible actually teach us about discipline, OK? Ephesians 6:4 says, fathers, do not provoke your children in anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. What is discipline? What is instruction? Well, discipline, simply put, is training that shapes behavior. The difference here is motive and goal, right? Punishment, the goal is like consequences, right? Discipline, the goal is actually love and formation. Right? So you want discipline for the purpose of growth, not for the purpose of your own emotion, but for the development of the child, right? Back to our garden analogy here, discipline will be like pulling the weeds. OK? You gotta pull the weeds in order to provide growth. Instruction then is teaching that shapes belief. OK, Teaching that shapes belief. You are planting seeds in their life. That will hopefully take fruit and grow later in life, right? And you need both. If you have all discipline and no instruction, right? That is, that is a scared home. If you have all teaching and no discipline, that's a wild, wild west home, right? But you need boundaries in place, and so you need to be able to pull the weeds, but you also need to be planting seeds. And so you need the balance of both discipline and instruction in the home to help raise up the child into the man or the woman that God has called them to be. Because together, discipline and instruction shape who you're becoming. They shape who you're becoming. This isn't just a a parental story. This is actually a spiritual one too, that God practices with us. It says in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 6, it says, for the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives. And so discipline is from the Lord. Again, for the purpose of development, right? We have training and teaching, OK? It says in Psalm 127 3 and 4, behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb of reward, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. I love that. That if you wanna take ground for the kingdom, if you wanna shape generations to come, right? Your children are a blessing. That we're not kicking them out of the home, we're launching them out of the home, right? We're sending them to go take over darkness, to spread the gospel for generations to come to bring with them light because we are developing and we are sending world changers for the glory of God. Amen. Children are a blessing and children are heroes that, again, the power is when you release them into the world, right? Now some of you might come from challenging situations, right? Maybe divorced homes, broken homes, blended families. Understand that God can work through the situation you're in. I know that because we have the example found in 2 Timothy chapter 1 verse 5 to 7. Paul writes to his godson, he says, I'm reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother, Lois, and your mother Eunice. And now I'm sure dwells in you. So the father's not even named here. He continued on and says, for this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God gave us a spirit of not of fear, but of power and love and self-control. One of the most famous verses in the Bible, that God did not give you a spirit of fear, but of power, love and self-control was really instilled into Timothy because of the prayers and faithfulness of a grandmother and a mom. Never underestimate the prayers of a godly woman, right? And that God can work in every situation. And for those that don't have kids, take note of these words one chapter later. It says this in 2 Timothy chapter 21 to 2. It says, you then, my child, be strengthened by the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And what you heard from me in the presence of many witnesses and trust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. So Paul became a spiritual father to Timothy. And he says, the things you've heard from me and trust the faithful men who will teach others also. And so you have 4 generations in one passage. And one of the greatest things you can do in this church is to invest in somebody into the next generation, because the spiritual Father in someone's life is gonna have a generational impact for all of eternity. Because spirit-filled families are not controlled, they're cultivated. You can't force it. It's not about performance. It's it's not about you will follow all the rules or else. It's rather, it's, it's planting, it's watering, it's pruning, it's cultivating through the power of the Holy Spirit in all of our brokenness. Well we're trying to still process our childhoods and experiences of trying to follow God and give them the examples. Children, you're called ultimately for obedience and honor. Right? If you're in the home, where do you need to obey? And for everybody in this room and beyond, where can you honor? And then for parents in the room, we're called for discipline and instruction. Fully in love, but again, discipline is training, instruction is teaching. We need both they work hand in hand for the development and growth of our children, because it shapes generations to come in the very plan of God. Let me close this morning by asking you 4 questions. Question number one. What patterns from your past are you repeating that God wants to redeem? What you don't give to God, you will transfer to your kids. What is something that you have to work through or have worked through? That instead of transferring to your kids, you want to give it to God so that he can redeem. And God can work in every situation. Question #2, where are you resisting the authority of God that he's placed in your life? Why is it that when we hear the word obey, we immediately like walls up? Where are you resisting an authority figure in your life that God has called you to follow? Number 3 Are you correcting more than you're connecting? Are you always bringing up constant criticism? It says do not provoke to anger. You can't control, you can't repeatedly criticize, trying to correct without the connection or love that goes with it, because it's more than rules, it's the relationship, right? It's not about punishment, it's about development. Are you connecting as much, if not more, than you are correcting? And then lastly, on those questions there. I just want you to fill in the blank. This week I will. What's one thing you need to do? It's one action you need to take. Maybe you need to call your parents. It's been a while. Maybe you need to call your kids. It's been a minute. Maybe you realize, you know what, I've been harshly speaking to my wife or my kids, my spouse. Maybe I've been hesitant to follow the instruction of somebody in authority over me. What is one thing that you can do this week that would demonstrate growth and formation? Because ultimately, you don't drift into a healthy home. You cultivate it One spirit-filled decision at a time. So what kind of Family, do you want to cultivate this week? Whether personally or spiritually here in the church community. Will you pray with me. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for so many incredible examples. of moms in our lives as we celebrate them today. God, thank you for so many faithful people who are here choosing to worship you. To show the priority of faith in their families and beyond. But help us love you. More every day with our heart, soul, mind and strength and help us teach this love and demonstrate this love to our children, to pass along to the next generation. Where we release them into society as arrows on the attack for spiritual victory in this war. Yeah, we lift up our children, we lift up our families. We lift up this church family today. We honor you And when we be spirit-filled families and cultivate what is good. Just as you cultivate and work through us. We love you, God and your sons, and we pray. Amen.