Tony Evans tells a story about a man who was in Chicago and decided to escape the cold and fly down to Florida while his wife was on a business trip. Now, they didn't have cell phones and so he, he sent an email to her to say, hey, change your flight instead of flying back to Chicago from your business trip, meet me down in Florida. The only problem was he had a typo in his email and accidentally sent his email to a little old lady in Iowa, who was a pastor's wife who sadly, her husband had just passed away the day before. And so she opens this email and just falls to the floor. And her loved ones are so confused how an email can just send her to the floor. And so they went up to her computer and actually read the email. So here is the email. That the gentleman meant to send to his wife, but accidentally sent to this little old lady in Iowa. The email read, my dearest darling. I just wanted to let you know that I arrived safely yesterday. Looking forward for you to join me tomorrow. Sincerely, your loving husband, PS it sure is hot down here. Now that story is funny, but Also reminds us the importance of communication, right? And so today we want to talk all about relationships and we're in our series Walking with Jesus. And so I want to talk today, what does it mean to walk with Jesus in our most important relationships? And ultimately, how can we build a love that lasts, a love that lasts. You see, we're gonna talk about marriage. And I understand there's a variety of people in the room or even enga engaging with our content online. And so if you are married, yes, this is gonna speak to you. But also, if you are single, this is gonna help you process not only who are you looking for, but more importantly, who are you trying to become. Because we want to think through, are you becoming the person that you're looking for is looking for, right? is that it's not about finding Mr. or Miss Wright, but it's becoming Mr. or Miss Wright in that process we become a little more like Jesus. And then I also want to recognize that there are people in the room that have gone through some very challenging things. And so maybe you've been through a divorce, uh, maybe it's now a blended family, or on the other side of that, that I believe God can speak to you where you are now as well, to help understand where God has brought you out of, maybe from decisions that people have made in the past, maybe from decisions that you have made in the past. That wherever you are now, God can meet you in that space that can redeem your situation there too, and change and transform you into this, whatever this new season is going to be for you. And so whatever stage you find yourself in, I think our conversation of marriage is gonna be very valuable because here's what I believe and know to be true. That marriage is more about sanctification than satisfaction. Marriage is more about sanctification than satisfaction. Now that sanctification sounds very churchy, and it is, but it's an important concept. Because it is contrary to what the culture is gonna try to, to really sell you of what marriage is. That sanctification is to be more like Jesus. So to be justified is to be declared righteous based on what Jesus did on the cross. To be sanctified is to be made righteous. In other words, to grow in your faith, to mature in your faith, to get stronger in your faith. And one of the best tools that God will use in your life is the deepest, most intimate relationship that you will have in this life. Because it's one thing to have an hour service here on a Sunday, but it's another thing to live it out every single day. Right? When you take yourself, all of your habits, all of your addictions and your doubts and your worries, and you bring it into the relationship. Understand that that person is bringing that into the relationship as well. And there's nowhere to hide. Is that fair to say? There's nowhere to hide when you are living with that person day in, day out. And so that's where I think God can do some of his deepest work. And so, in a culture that says, well, it's all about being happy. About if they don't make you happy, find somebody who will. But that doesn't work because happiness is a is a feeling, it's circumstantial, it's situational. Whereas long lasting joy is found ultimately in Jesus. And that if you view marriage through the lens of becoming more like Jesus, there is an opportunity for you to grow. And, and an opportunity for that person to grow and then actually through that growth, you will experience a satisfaction, but not as the world gives, but as only God can give because as you'll see here, that ultimately marriage is a picture of the gospel. So, marriage is a few things. Number one, it's a, it's a mirror. It, it shows you who you are, like it reveals who you are. Marriage is #2 is a refiner. It, it shapes who you become. Right? When you're interacting so much with a person of how you speak and, and who's doing what chores and, and what are the little pet peeves that you didn't realize you had until uh you get married, right? Did somebody chew too loud? Does someone too messy? Does someone leave the gas tank empty? Does someone control the TV remote? Like whatever the thing is, there's a whole list of things that are stacking up that God will use to actually strengthen your faith. Marriage also is a discipline because it trains you how to love. Cause it's it's a love based on sacrifice and service, not just on selfishness. Marriage is also a testimony, because you're gonna see here from our passage today that it's one of the greatest ways to put the gospel on display. It's one of the greatest ways to put the gospel on display. And then lastly here, marriage is a covenant, because on your wedding day, you're not just committing to the other person, you're actually committing before God. To love them as God would love them, and that there's a relationship that it moves things forward. So what I want to do today is really two concepts of what is a healthy marriage look like, and we're gonna study this passage, but we're also going to take a look at the other side of it, of then, if your marriage doesn't look like that, what do we do? Right? How do we walk with Jesus when the marriage doesn't seem to be working? It's not what we expected, right? We're gonna take a look and, and really speak into those tensions. But before we do that, we have to do a quick review of last week, because it really sets up our discussion today. So last week, we took a look at some of these verses here in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 18 to 21. It says, do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit. Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of Reverence for Christ. So two things I want you to think about here is that in order for you to have a growing thriving marriage is number 1, to be spirit-filled, that you need the Holy Spirit in your life in order to thrive in your deepest relationships. And then number 2, healthy relationships are ultimately a race to the back of the line. The healthy relationships are about submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. OK. And that it's it's, it's mutual connection and humility and sacrifice and service to others that actually will lift them up and you become a little more like Jesus this week than maybe you were last week, OK? So first, let's see here. What does healthy marriages look like? What does healthy marriages look like? And we're gonna go through this passage here, but let me just say this for just a moment. I wanna challenge you. It's, we're getting to finals week coming up for high school students. College students are actually really happy and relaxed cause they're coming in cause their finals are mostly done. You can tell the difference for those who are done with school and those who have finals still coming. But in light of that, I want you to think about this section here. Please keep your eyes on your own paper. That makes sense? This is not a listen to the mayor sermon to like elbow the spouse. I mean, you can, it's up to you, but, um, but the goal here is to hear the message through the lens of the life that you are living. No, like, well, I hope she listens to this. I hope he listens to that. Like, no, what does God have for you? And I wanna encourage you to take in the entirety of the passage because there's some triggering words in here that actually aren't triggers if you actually understand what they mean. It's actually healthy. And foundational, but our culture has that, has taken those words and almost weaponized them at a point where it, it, it's seen as a negative, but actually it's, it's really healthy. OK? So let's walk through this together. Why did I do all that preface? OK, here we go. Ephesians 5:22. Right out of the gate, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. OK. So right out of the gate, you're like, wait, OK, yeah, I don't like that one, right? And some of the guys are like, yeah, all right, yeah, wives submit. OK. Let's pause here. Because What was the verse right before that, verse 21. Submit to one another at a reverence for Christ. In the Greek, that is the verb, and then it just continues on in verse 22. In other words, submit to one another. Out of reverence for Christ, wives to your husbands. In other words, it's, it's a continuation. So Paul's writing here, and already we've been walking through Ephesians chapter 5 and 6, what it means to walk in love, to walk in light, to walk in wisdom, to be filled with the Spirit that we are called to serve one another, and here's how this is gonna play out in marriage. Next week, we're gonna talk about what it how it plays out in parenting. The following week, we're gonna talk about how it plays out and works. And so we're gonna see how, uh, really love and being Jesus to the other person where the rubber meets the road, or maybe in the context, maybe where the chariot hits the dirt path. I don't know. But basically, what does love look like in a tangible expression? OK, let's, let's read through here. Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives must submit in everything to their husbands. Now, this passage is controversial when he wrote it, but it was actually controversial and not the way that you would expect. Because in that culture, they're in Ephesus, that women at that time didn't even have rights within that. And so Paul is actually writing this to raise the value and awareness of the value of women. So he's speaking directly to them. And so he's raising the value of women in this context, and then he's gonna raise the value of the responsibility of men in the same passage. And so he's saying wives to love Jesus, it's, it's the structured order to submit to your husbands. But what does submission actually mean? The word submission means to voluntarily and humbly yield one's will, desire and authority to another. Now this is not an act of weakness, but rather this is strength under control. This is humility in action. This is love expressed through service. This is trust in God's design, and this is a reflection of Jesus. It says, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord, that you are submitting that you are yielding. Before, for the glory of God. But I want you to hear me on this, that this is a picture of a tandem of how this works together. And so, I, I wanna apologize from the church at large that if you have been on the negative side of a man using that verse for power, abuse or control, that was and always will be sin. This verse is about growing in sanctification in your maturity to Christ. It is not about lowering your value or lowering your voice. Because repeatedly. Scripture shows the expressed value and worth of every created human being. So it's not about silencing your voice, it's it's about stewarding your voice. And that the church at large has to have a better place to raise awareness and the strength to, so that our daughters can become the women God has called them to be. And that there's no room for abuse. There's no room for being chauvinistic and, and power hungry and controlling and abusive because that's, it's typically where that control comes from, right? Or that, or that trigger comes from, right? That when you hear the word submit, it's like, oh, I don't like that. It's probably coming from a negative place. For that and understand that that's not how God designed it. But also, if it's not from a negative place, you have to pause and ask yourself, is it from a place of control? Or do you want to try to control the person? Do you want to try to control your spouse? Cause that's also not healthy, right? So for the ladies in the room, it, it, it, it has this passage, right? To, to understand like submit, wives, submit to your husbands. But that works. Only when husbands, you live this out as well. It says, and, and he writes 34 times longer to the husbands than he does to the ladies. I think it's on purpose. So husbands, love your wives. Like, wait a second, wives have to submit, husbands just have to love. That doesn't seem fair. OK, until you understand the description of love. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Christ died for the church. Christ sacrificed his life, everything that he was for the betterment of his bride. He says that he might sanctify her. This idea of sanctification is to care about and bring about spiritual growth, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Again, there's the equation of value, I said that it's equal. Maybe different function, maybe different role, but there is equal value here and saying, husbands, lay your life down, sacrifice everything that you are for your spouse. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one has ever hated his own flesh, and but nourishes and cherishes it. To nourish and to cherish is to provide, to sustain, to bring tender care and warmth, just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. So, husbands, you are called to lay your life down. This is the picture of marriage because submission and sacrifice go hand in hand as you are collectively submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. In our household, for those that know my wife, like, understand that she is a powerhouse, OK? She is educated, she is a strong-willed woman who I couldn't even pronounce the words in medical school of trying to help her get her degree working in mental health and all those things. And she is very smart and kind and the best person. I always tell people that God blessed me and blinded her, and I'm OK with that. OK. Like I understand fully how this thing works, OK. But we have a partnership. Right. The submission comes when she fully trusts that she is safe with me. That collectively we are trying to be Jesus for the other person. Right? Who is the greatest picture of submission in the Bible? Jesus, actually. Who is the greatest picture of sacrifice in the Bible? Jesus. Right? So when you sacrifice for the other person, when you put the preferences of the other person ahead, the, the needs, the safety, the love, the security that comes, that that is what a healthy marriage looks like. And when you see that, guess what happens? You present the gospel. This is what he continues on saying, verse 31. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and that the two shall become one flesh. Again, notice the value is the same. It's not half and half equals a whole. Right? It's a great movie line was that Jerry Maguire was like, you complete me. Theologically not correct. Right? It's a great movie line. It is not at all correct. You don't need the spouse to complete you. Did you know that? Your spouse makes a horrible God. Just gonna tell you that. Because it's 2 becoming 1, not halves becoming a whole. Jesus lived out his mission to the glory of God without ever being married. You do not have to be married to have a fulfilling life. But for those that choose to be married, it's about 2 becoming one with ultimate submission to each other out of reverence for Jesus and sacrifice, because you no longer live for yourself, you live for each other. Now notice this. This is theologically deep, but I kinda get a chuckle out of this cause verse 32, this mystery is profound. Even Paul saying, look, I don't, I don't know what to tell you. Marriage is hard. Right. That at its best, marriage is a mystery. Right? He says, but I'm telling you that actually refers to Christ in church. So he doesn't diminish the value of marriage. He actually elevates it to saying, this could be the greatest picture of the gospel in your life and the people's lives around you. It says in verse 33, and he comes back to the guys, he said, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. See how you treat each other matters. Don't say you love God on Sunday, and then on Monday, just treat your spouse like do do. I want to say something else, but we're in church. OK. Right? Now, in this passage, Paul's quoting Genesis 2:24 to become one, right? We should note that marriage comes in Genesis 2, sin doesn't come in until Genesis 3, meaning that marriage was part of the design. But when I say these verses, when I'm reading scripture, I can feel collectively in the room, the tension. Cause here's the tension we feel, right? We read this passage and all that sounds nice, but my marriage doesn't look like that. Right? So what do we do with that? Let's talk about it. Let's lean into that. How do we walk with Jesus when your marriage isn't working? OK. There's an ice cream truck that drives around our neighborhood. And can we, can we get some like new ice cream trucks? Is it me or does like every ice cream truck ever? Like, it's like we made ice cream truck in the trucks in the 70s and we said no more. And like any ice cream truck at this point looks like a faded white van with the images that, do you, you know what I'm talking, OK. It's still, and yet we trust it fully. I'm like, yeah, kids, run out to the white, don't, don't get in vans with strangers. But if it's got signs for ice cream and plays music, go for it. Here's $5. OK. Um, and so you go, well, now, I personally, do you have a preference of the ice cream at the ice cream truck? Do you have a go to? My personal favorite is the, the, uh, chocolate chip cookie sandwich. OK. It's so good. Uh, but one of the popular items are when you can get those cartoon characters. Right, like Sonic the Hedgehog, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, like SpongeBob. But if you ever got one of those, um, ice creams and then you open up the package, It looks nothing like the package, does it? Like you get Sonic and it's like clearly at some point it melted in the car and then it refroze, so it's like blue and white together and has like one eye, and you look at it, it's like this looks nothing like Sonic the Hedgehog, right? I think sometimes our marriages can feel like that because we go to the wedding day, we're like, I love you, I love you. We're in love. There's Burge. You And then you reach a point where you get in arguments because one of you is chewing too loud. Right? Or, or that like you said you're gonna be home here but now you're home here. You said that this was gonna happen and like, and, and just, and you just have all these little things that come up, right? And you're like, wait a second, my marriage doesn't look like I thought it would. Right? Do I even know this person? Like, what do we do with that? Well, I want to challenge you with 3 things today because I understand that God can work in your situation now. If it's single, if you're in a marriage where you feel like, man, I, I don't feel like we're in a partnership. I don't feel like we're on the same level right now. I feel like there's a disconnect. Maybe you're dealing with brokenness, maybe you're dealing with like wherever you are, understand that God can work in here. And let me just share with you 3 things that can help within that valley or tension season. OK. First thing is, Is that if your marriage doesn't feel like it's looking like what you signed up for here, I wanna challenge you to choose prayer over pressure. Choose prayer over pressure. You cannot change your spouse. You cannot control your spouse. Some of you are having a hard time building a partnership with your spouse because you're too busy trying to parent your spouse. And I get it, right? Like if the kids you're trying to like they're not doing what they said or what I want and and we start chipping away. Let me ask you, how is that working? It doesn't work. How do I know that? Because we don't want to be controlled. No one wants to be controlled, right? You, it doesn't work either side. So what do we do? Well, Paul tells us he writes another letter in Philippians, and he says, do not be anxious about anything. This comes from Philippians 4:6 and 7, he says, but in everything. By control, guilt and shame, force your way. It doesn't say that, does it? It says do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Now notice here, once your requests are made known, do you get immediate answers? Not necessarily. What do you get in return? I think something actually more valuable, says this verse 7, and the peace of God. Which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. It is possible to have peace even in a struggling marriage. There's another story in Mark chapter 4, where the disciples are in a storm and they're afraid for their life. And what's Jesus doing in the middle of the storm? He's sleeping Why? Cause they're fine. He's fine. Why? Because he himself is our peace, right? Now, the disciples will eventually wake him up and he'd rebuke the storm, so he can bring healing, he can bring redemption, he can bring calm. But even in the middle of the storm, you can have peace because you have Jesus in your boat. See, you can't change or control your spouse, but do you know who can change? God, God spoke the world out of nothingness. God did miracle after miracle after miracle after miracle. Jesus conquered death. So what we can do here is, well, we can't change your spouse, we can pray to the God who can change anything and everything. And your circumstance that might not change right away. But God can't give you his peace that even in the uncertainty in the struggle in the battle, you can find peace, because you can find Jesus. Right. First challenge, choose prayer over pressure. Second challenge, Choose blessing over bitterness. Choose blessing over bitterness. How did Jesus respond to negative situations? Most of the time with grace. There's a few times where he got angry, right? Where was that from? If it, it was confronting sin. So ask yourself, OK, is this a preference thing? Maybe I need to let go. Or is this a sin thing and I need to humbly confront? Cause that's not healthy either. Just ignoring that, saying there's no problems isn't. That's not gonna be healthy either, is it? But what you can do is you can model what health looks like. You can model. What a loving spouse looks like. You can model what it means to live out your faith. It says in James 1:19-20 says, know this, my beloved brothers. Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Listen to me, your tone matters. Your timing matters. Are you listening to understand are you listening to reply? Are you, are you hearing the other person? Are, are you slow to speak? Are you trying to win an argument? Are you trying to win the relationship? Are you slow to anger? Because if you're in that place to hear and understand. Can you, can you recognize what is good? If there's 9 things that are wrong, can you affirm the 1 thing that is right? Can you encourage do you encourage or criticize most often? Cause you can speak life into your spouse, you can speak life into your loved ones to encourage and model and show them what grace looks like, show them what forgiveness looks like. Model the way. It says in Galatians 5:13, it says, for you are called the freedom, brothers, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. And again, you are not serving to get something from the other person. You are serving to love people that way Jesus loved us. Our model and everything is Jesus. And in Mark 10:45, it says Jesus did not come to be served, but to serve. Right. And you are choosing to do that for God. You're choosing to do that as the example for your kids. You're choosing to do that as the example for loved ones. Some of you might be saying like, man, I wish I would have had this years ago. OK, but you could start today. Right, you can start now. Choose prayer over pressure, choose blessing over bitterness. Last thing here is choose resilience over resentment. Don't give up. Don't give up. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 talks a lot about marriage, but I just want to highlight something here where he's trying to encourage someone who is married to an unbeliever. I mean, first, you can see where if you're not equally yoked, right? In the sacrifice, submission, why it won't work, right? That's why it's so important to, to marry someone with your same faith and same values on the front end. But if you find yourself in a situation where one of you is pursuing God and one of you isn't, To choose that resilience over resentment. He writes these words here in verse 16. He says, for how do we, how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, to which God has called him. It doesn't minimize sin, right? Doesn't minimize safety. If you need to be safe, be like be safe, right? Set healthy boundaries. Understand that there is the justice of God. Like the justice of God is what put Jesus on the cross. So understand that God will not be mocked. But what he's saying in the context of our daily relationships. Don't give up. Don't give up. That Jesus is our example for what it means to love one another. It says in Galatians 6:9 and 10, says, let us not grow weary of doing good for in due season, one more time here, that we will reap if we do not give up. So then if as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, especially to those who are in the household of faith. Marriage is more about sanctification than it is satisfaction. That God is using this season in your life to grow you, to mold you. If you are single, God is using you to mold you. Maybe you're not ready yet. Or maybe God's preparing the other person. Maybe God's preparing you both, right? If you're in a married season, the question is, are you trying to get stuff from your spouse, or are you trying to be Jesus to the other person? Right Or if you're on the other side of a broken relationship, can you allow God into your life now to redeem where you are for this new season? Because in him, there's redemption, there's reconciliation, there's hope, there's newness of life. So let me close this morning asking this question. What would it look like for you to walk with Jesus in your relationship this week and notice this caveat, even if nothing around you changed. Right? It it's not gonna be like, oh, well, I was nice this week and they were mean back. OK? You are not serving to get something, you're serving to become more like Jesus. You are loving to become more like Jesus. We are broken people and broken relationships that God is using and molding and shaping to understand what love and grace looks like. That when you connect closer to God, you will grow grow closer to each other. But for the married people in the room, what if you loved your spouse? Regardless of what the response is this week. For the single people in the room, do you feel like Jesus is strong enough to sustain you right now? It's about becoming The right person, not just trying to find the right person. And if you're on the other side of challenge. Are you willing to allow God to meet you in this space? To change your heart, to work in your heart, to grow you into this, who God has called you to be, into this new season. Cause in him you're gonna find hope, you're gonna find love, because love that lasts is not built on a perfect marriage. There is no perfect marriage. Love that lasts is built on a faithful walk with Jesus every day. Let's commit to that together. Dear Only Father, thank you for who you are. God, thank you that even on difficult topics like submission and sacrifice. God, I pray that we can reflect on you, our greatest example of who you are. So we love you, God. And as we celebrate baptism now, it's a picture of the ultimate sacrifice that you paid for your bride, the church. So may we lift up our relationships to you, be a little more like Jesus this week. Regardless of the response, when we choose to be Jesus to the people we love. All for your glory, God. It's in your son's name we pray. Amen.