Everyone's got complicated people in our lives. Whether at work or in our families or even here at church. But what if complicated people were not obstacles to avoid, but actually opportunities to grow? Author Ryan Lea in research for a book appropriately entitled How to Deal with Complicated People did a national survey and found that 80% of people said they have to deal with complicated people in their life. However, 74% of people said that they themselves were not complicated. I don't know if you understand math, but that does not math too well. 80% of people said they have to deal with complicated people, but 74% said that they themselves were not complicated. Here's what I know to be true is that life is filled with complicated people, and sometimes the most complicated relationship is actually the one that you can't run away from, and that's because it's with yourself. And so what does the Bible actually say about relationships? Well, the Bible is actually filled with complicated people. I mean, right out of the gate, right? Eve has everything available to her, but then gives it all up after falling for the temptation in the garden. We think about Noah. Builds an ark, saves humanity, saves all the little animals. It's awesome, right? But did you know that a chapter or two later, he's found passed out naked drunk on the floor? Abraham. OK, Father Abraham, we think about like he, he obeyed God. He, he, Father of our nation, also fathered a child with another woman. Moses led the people out of Egypt in captivity, killed a man. David, a man after God's own heart. committed adultery. Elijah took on the prophets of Baal only to a chapter later, be so depressed that he runs, hides in a cave and ask God to take his own life. Think about the New Testament. You have Peter. I love Peter. Peter's like, I'm gonna preach the word, but if you wrong me, I'm gonna try to cut off your ear, right? Like, here he was, he starts the church, but like, in the moment of need denies Jesus 3 times. I mean, it's all over the map. I think about Martha, who was so wrapped up in her to do list that she missed the fact that Jesus, the savior of the world, was in her home. The Bible is filled with complicated people. But here's what's wild about that, is that you can actually be close to God and still be complicated. That means you can go to church. And still be complicated. You can sing praise and worship songs and still be complicated. You can lead a Bible study or serve in a ministry and still be complicated. But if God didn't use complicated people. He couldn't use anybody in the Bible. So here's the good news for you and for me. Is that complicated people don't block your calling. They build your character. Complicated people don't block your calling. They build your character. What I want to attempt to do this morning is from Romans chapter 12, show us that if we reframe how we approach relationships. We don't have to run from the complications. But rather we can see them as an opportunity to grow. At the end of this morning's service, I'm gonna challenge you. To take a step of faith in a complicated relationship in your life. And so what I'd like for you to do right now is I want you to think. About what is one relationship? That is intention right now. What is one relationship that maybe feels distant? That feels muddy or messy? What is, what is one relationship or one area in your life in which you feel at a loss? You feel stuck. Or you just feel like, God, here you go. And that's the relationship I want us to see through the lens of Scripture today. If you have your Bibles opened up to Romans chapter 12, we're gonna pick things up in verse 14. We're gonna read through the whole passage and then we're gonna walk back through it and see what God has to say to us today. Verse 14, bless those who persecute you. OK, so he comes right out of the gate swinging. So you have to understand that we're in week 4 here. And so in week 1, we talked about growing in commitment, that in view of God's mercies, we're to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to him. Right? And then we talked about growing in our calling, how everyone's been given a gift, been created on purpose for a purpose, that mean you've been called to make a difference in the lives of somebody else. And then in week 3, we talked about growing in our community, and how love is not just a feeling we fake, but a life we actually live. And so now we get to verse 14, and right out of the gate, Paul's gonna get very specific. And say, here's what gospel love looks like in the life of a believer. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to what you to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. To the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink, for by doing so you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. What we're gonna find in this passage today. That's going to teach us how to handle and manage complicated relationships in our lives. that there are 3 choices that growing Christians make on a daily basis. Three choices that if we start implementing them into our lives, we're gonna see our relationships change as well. The first choice we have to make as Christians when it comes to complicated relationships is that we have to choose blessing over bitterness. We have to choose blessing over bitterness. Verse 14 it says, bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. That phrasing really reflects and resembles Jesus's sermon on the Mount found in Matthew 5 to 7. And Paul is sharing with this Roman Church who's facing persecution from all sides. They're being attacked by the Romans, they're being attacked by the Jewish religious leaders who are losing power. And now there is fighting within the church people themselves. And Paul uses this phrase bless, which the Greek word is where we get our same root word for the word eulogy. To speak well of. And so not only are we supposed to not persecute back, but we're supposed to respond with blessing. Says rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Which do you think is harder, to rejoice or to weep? I actually think it's harder to rejoice with people. I say that because we have our own struggles and we go through life and we have these battles. But there are times when somebody else experiences something good, right? And intern, we're like, I'm so happy for you. Meanwhile, we're like, God, why not me? They always get fill in the blank, right? I was having a conversation recently with some friends who are also in the ministry. And I was telling him, I said, man, I just got to be transparent with you. Like, you guys open up, you got so many people, you had so many decisions, so many baptisms, and I was excited and I was also jealous. He said, that's funny. I said, why? He said, because I saw you get into a building and have structure and systems and volunteers, and I was jealous of you. And it can be difficult to rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep, because again, we, we, we frame it in what we want versus what the other person needs or what God is doing. Here's the interesting thing when it comes to bitterness. Is that bitterness really changed you to the past. Right. You may have heard the um axiom where bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. What happens when we have a bitter heart is that we cling to something that was done in the past, and it hardens us. But it changes to the past and keeps us from moving forward. Imagine going on a hike, and you got a backpack, maybe one of the cool ones with the little water thing that comes out. But every time you get offended. You pause to pick up a large rock and place it in the backpack. That's what happens when we get offended. If somebody hurts us and then we hang on to that rock that hurt, and that person moves on with their day. And we now carry this weight. And at first you have one rock, it's like, OK. But then you get hurt again, and you got another and another and another. And pretty soon, or You've been hiking long enough. Where you got a lot of rocks in the bag or even that one rock feels so heavy that you can't move forward. Choosing blessing over bitterness. Is is choosing to treat someone in light of God's grace versus their guilt or your shame. Imagine trying to write your story. OK, I'm holding a pen. And imagine you go to write your story and right before you write your own story or journaling for the day. You hand it to somebody else and say, here, no, you write it. When you hang on to bitterness. You're asking somebody else bad behavior to write your story. Bitterness will hold you back. Bitterness will filter how you view all future interactions, right? You know, I, I've, I've heard different therapists and, and Christian leaders and Christian counselors say that a lot of times we catastrophize, like a lot of things. They're like, well, I've been hurt by church. Church people will hurt you. And Is it OK, but let's dive down. OK, where did that come from? And then you go back through and you realize, oh, OK, it was 3 people that hurt me. But because the actions of three people, I now view everybody in this category. This way, right? The church is my context, context, but maybe for you, it's in dating relationships. Someone betrayed you. And now you've got this rock that you've been carrying around for a long time, and now you question every future relationship. Now, don't mistake, by the way, blessing for boundaries. He's not saying, don't be bitter enable the bad behavior. What he's saying is, I'm not gonna let somebody else's bad behavior dictate my behavior. My actions are gonna come from God, not the person that hurt me. And when you choose blessing, see, it goes further than acceptance, right? Greek philosophers like Aristotle talked about justice and patience and virtue. But to bless somebody, to speak well of, to serve or or pray for that person is a whole another level. And look, the people of the Bible are complicated. There are psalms that are called the impeccable Psalms. This is raw and it is not G rated. Like they're praying to God, like we think our Father, out in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, right? You read the Psalms, they're like, may you cut off their parts and make them fatherless and orphans. May they cease to exist on this earth. Like that's like, that's raw. But where they get to is like, God, I don't know what to do with this. But I'm gonna place it in your hands. To choose blessing over bitterness, to say, I'm gonna take the rocks out of the back and say, I can't carry this anymore. And it might describe my past, but it is not gonna determine my future. And so the end result of choosing blessing over bitterness is that you get to experience something that we all long for, and that is freedom. To walk outside and go. Maybe not right now cause it's so hot to walk inside. Of air conditioning right now. Are you willing to bless those who persecute? Are you willing to celebrate? And understand that somebody's success does not diminish your success. Right That to identify and connect and weep with those who weep. To celebrate with joy of those who are celebrating. Can you choose blessing over bitterness? But the second choice we have to make as Christians, is that we have to choose peace over pride. We have to choose peace over pride. If bitterness changes to the past. Pride traps us in the present. It's, it's this idea and we, and especially up in this area, where we feel like we have to have it all together. Right, we all are like, how are you doing? Fine. Great, good. You're like, you were falling apart like 30 seconds ago. That when we realize that all of us have complications and issues and battles and struggles, we don't have to be trapped in the present by pride, by keeping it all together. That we can actually experience peace that comes through Christ. It says there in verse 16, it says, live in harmony with one another. It's this idea of a unified expression of the body, not uniformity where we all think the same, speak the same, look the same. But think of it more like a picture of a symphony. Different notes, different instruments played together in harmony that together we reflect the heart and life of Jesus. So do not be haughty and but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. In other words, When pride starts to die in your life, peace starts to grow in your life. Never get to the place in your life where you feel too good for somebody else. Jesus himself. The night before he would be crucified. I There, in a meal with his disciples. What does he do? He takes the lowest level servant role and washes the feet of his disciples, including a guy who would doubt him, a guy who would deny him, and a guy who would betray him. But what Jesus tells us from his story. Is that Judas's betrayal does not stop his calling or mission. That somebody else's mistakes and evil does not stop the goodness and the calling and life and the peace that came through living out who God called him to be and what God called him to do. If bitterness changed you in the past, pride will trap you in the present. But you don't have to choose pride. You can actually choose peace, and peace is possible. You might have heard it said that peace is not the absence of conflict, it's the presence of Christ. I'm gonna take it a step further and say that peace is not the absence of enemies. That you can be surrounded by challenging situations and challenging people and have secure peace. The problem is we keep giving away our peace. To other people We, we keep expecting complicated, hurtful people. To bring us calmness and not chaos. But what does Jesus say? Christmas story, he comes in, what is he called? The Prince of Peace. Paul later in Ephesians says that Christ himself is our peace, or in Philippians, he's saying, don't be anxious about anything, but through everything, through prayer and supplication and thanksgiving, bring your request before the Lord and the peace of God will guard your heart. He says, you don't need peace from that other person because I will give it to you. One of the most famous chapters in all the Bible, Psalm 23, where the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want, right? So many great powerful verses, right? Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Why? Because you are with me. Such a great picture. But what did he say right after that? He says, for you prepare. The table, uh, I miss my enemies. He doesn't say apart from my enemies. He says, you are surrounded. But I wanna have a meal with you. They might be all around your table, but you don't have to give them a seat. How else do you explain that Jesus on the cross, experiencing the weight of the world's sin, the wrath and justice of God, the pain of the nails in his hand, the mocking from the people around him, the betrayal from the people who's claimed Hosanna just seven days prior. And in that setting, he can go, I will see you in heaven. John, please take care of my mother. Lord, forgive them for they know not what they did. Because Jesus in that moment was so secure in his identity, in his calling, that peace was not coming from outside, but from inside of who he was and who God is and what God called him to do. Peace is possible when you accept that it becomes my responsibility, not the person that hurt me. That your bad behavior does not dictate my obedience. But I love the realness of this passage too. He says, be humble, but then he says, repaid no evil for evil. But give thought to do what is right, right there. You know how much different we would live if we actually gave thought to what we did before we did it? To do the right thing. When does the right thing not become the right thing? Right? Does anyone else play this justification game in your mind? Well, they said this, and they did that. And if they'd only done this, and it only, it only multiplies in this day and age of technology, right? Because now you got texts, you got media posts, you got tweets, you got emails, and you can't read context or tone in any of them, right? And so you ever read that text from that family member or that friend, like, wait, what did they say? How did they say it? And then you craft the response back, right? And then you delete it, you're like, OK, that's probably, but then you get another one and then you're like, no, we like. Right? And we go through and we think, oh well, they probably meant this, and then I'm gonna say this, but just imagine for a moment. If in the conversation with the person, the complicated person. That you tried to listen to understand, not simply to reply. Instead of being focused on the, what you see of the iceberg, understand, I wonder what's underneath that's causing this. I hurt people, hurt people. I wonder what's hurting them, that's causing them to in turn hurt me. That when you understand that peace is possible through Christ, that you don't, you don't need that from the other person. And I love the realism here because verse 18, he says, if possible. So far as it depends on you, live peaceably withal. This tells us that just because you do the right thing doesn't mean that the relationship's gonna be reconciled. Doesn't mean That the divorce doesn't go through. Doesn't mean that the loss still happens or that the friendship is renewed, or that they give you the job back. It, it doesn't always go that way. But in your heart, in your life. Right? If you're in an argument and there's, and there's 99% somebody else and it's 1% you, can you just acknowledge your 1%? Right? Can you understand that in this relationship, there's greater things at play? In choosing blessing over bitterness, it's, it's this idea of taking the weight out of the backpack and setting it down so you can experience freedom. The idea here of choosing peace over pride is like, imagine yourself in this intense tug of war back and forth. They said this, you said that, they said this, you said that, and you're back and forth, back and forth. What I'm encouraging you to do is to say there's bigger things at play. Let go of the rope. And so, you know what? I'm gonna let God pick up the tab. Here's what I mean. You don't have to pay back what Jesus already paid for. You don't have to pay for what was done or make that other person pay for what is done, because Jesus paid for it on the cross. And if you can humble yourself to understand. That God's justice and grace. His wrath, his mercy, all of that comes together at the foot of the cross. You understand that I don't have to win this war because Jesus already won. And I am surrounded by enemy. I'm surrounded by challenging people. I'm surrounded by pain and hurt. Some of it I've caused, some of the others have caused to me, but in all things, I'm gonna choose peace through Jesus and Jesus Christ alone. Paul's not saying that you do the right thing and everything goes back to normal. But what he's saying is that. Peace is possible when you find it in Christ and not the relationships around you. And now you can live and act and speak from a place of peace, not a place of vengeance. Right, Christians, we love to quote when Jesus flipped tables, don't we? Well, Jesus got angry. OK, Jesus got angry at religious hypocrites who were blaspheming the name of God and the temple of God. Jesus flipping tables does not justify you flipping something else when somebody cuts you off on the freeway. Right? If you look at how he interacted with the people in his life that. It was one of service and sacrifice and grace. The 3 choices we have to make as Christians. Number 1, we have to choose blessing over bitterness, because bitterness will chain you to your past, but when you choose blessing, it can actually give you freedom. 2, we have to choose peace over pride. Because pride will trap you in the present. Restrict you, box you in from all that God's created you to be. You're gonna miss out on so many opportunities. But with the peace of Christ, you can actually, when possible. Experience harmony I And 3rd choice we have. Is that we have to choose goodness over grudge. We have to choose goodness over grudge. Bitterness is gonna chain you to the past. Pride is gonna trap you in the present. A grudge will rob you of your future. A grudge is gonna rob you of your future because you're gonna view every future interaction based on things that happened in the past. You know, when driving, it's important to note just how much bigger the windshield is than the rearview mirror. Why? Because it's so much more important to decide where you're going today. You can't control what happened to you. You're not saying what happened to you was OK. You're not saying what happened to you was right, but what you're saying is that God's goodness is greater than the world's badness and evil. That you cannot focus on retaliation, because when you focus on retaliation, evil wins twice. That when you focus on the goodness, who God has called us to be understanding that life is not good, but God is good. And you can cling to that goodness and allow his goodness to shape things because that is what's gonna allow you to experience ultimate victory in your life. Verse 19, beloved. Notice the heartfelt behind it, beloved. He says, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. He's quoting Deuteronomy 32:35. What you're also saying there is not that you don't want justice. What you're saying is that God's justice is gonna be better than anything that you could give. He said, you know what? Justice is gonna be God's job. Hm Now, actually, the next chapter, Romans 13, really gets into Institutions and organizations and structural and consequences and leadership, right? So we're not saying that justice isn't required. What we're saying is on the personal level, in your day to day interactions, are you focused on making right, right? Make this right. Are you gonna focus on doing right? Leaving justice to God and obedience to self. So verse 20, to the contrary, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he's thirsty, give him something to drink. For by doing so, you will heap burning coals on his head. That's a direct quote from Proverbs chapter 25 verse 21-22. The idea here is that When you do good in response to what is bad, you are actually shaming shame. You are combating darkness with light. You know, the image of choosing blessing over bitterness is, is unloading the backpack, letting go of the weight that you can't carry. The image of choosing peace over pride is saying, you know what, I don't need to be in this tug of war. In the image of this last one. It's simply Lighting a candle. Light the spark. You might be surrounded by darkness. But the last I read. Is that we do not represent the darkness of the world. We are believers in Jesus Christ, the light of the world, that we too have in turn been called to be light in the world, and that the response to darkness is light. And that when you turn on the light switch, or when you light the candle, there is not a battle between light and dark. But rather, darkness really is the absence of light. And so when you think about how dark a room is, instead of complaining about just how dark it is, understand that you have the ability to turn on the light. You have the opportunity to doubt your doubt, to shame your shame, to put guilt in the grave and say, you know what? Jesus wasn't overcome by evil. He overcame evil with good. John 16:33, he tells the disciples right before he leaves, he says, look, you're gonna face trials and tribulations in this world. You are But take heart because I have overcome the world. And if Jesus overcame, we can overcome. When you experience hurt. And you experience pain. And the complicated people in your lives. It's not about minimizing what happened. Jesus didn't, and he saw the pain and hurt and lives, and he went to the cross for it. That's how serious he takes it. But understand. That Jesus defeated death itself. And then for those who put their faith and trust in him saying, hey, you are going to be persecuted, you are gonna be attacked, you are gonna experience brokenness because we live in a broken world. But I'm gonna give you a taste of heaven now. I'm gonna give you my spirit now. So the same spirit that conquered death now lives inside of you. And that when you are surrounded by darkness, we don't have to respond darkness with darkness, that we can actually respond with light. And a light that comes from an eternal source, that you're right, on your own, you won't be able to do it. But through Christ, you can forgive. Through Christ, you can heal. Through Christ, you can grow and strengthen, and then you might not get back to where you thought you should be. But God can take you somewhere new, and you can bring hope and healing into the people around you. And because it's not the pain that's writing your story, God is writing your story. And because of that hope and healing is possible. Think about Martin Luther King Junior and the civil rights movements, said these words. He said, darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. Here's the reality is that God will use the rough edges of other people to smooth out the rough edges in your own life. And then when you take that relationship, that betrayal, that hurt that someone said, like, I have this strong sense of justice, like, like, I will, I will admit I have no problem saying I'm sorry if I think I did something wrong, right? But if somebody said something or did something that I didn't actually say, that like, I didn't like, I, I wanna clarify or explain and go through this. Here's the thing that I've learned over pastor in the last 20 years. I have to trust God with my reputation. I have to trust God. what people say in rooms outside that I'm not in. I will try to justify my own actions when in reality, if I respond in anger, I respond in bitterness, or I respond with pride, or I hold a grudge, that's on me. Do you know you are not responsible for other people's choices? That God is holding you responsible for your response to the situation, and he's given you the opportunity to experience blessing and peace and goodness. You see, complicated people don't block your calling, they build your character. And if you've been hurt deeply. I believe That means God's Gonna use you to reach so far. You look at anybody who's made a difference for eternity, and at some point they had a moment of brokenness. We can't expect complicated people not to act in complicated ways. And it starts with ourselves. So I want to end this morning by challenging three groups of people. Because I know there's different groups of people in this room. First of all, for those who are believers, for those who call themselves as as Christians, I want to challenge you to practice gospel recall. Here's what I mean. Look at the life of Jesus. And say that if I really believe this, I'm really just saying the words I want to be more like Jesus. Am I willing To set aside my bitterness, to set aside my pride. To let go of the grudge, to say, you know what? God's better at justice than I am. And if anyone could be bitter, if anybody could have pride, if anybody could hold a grudge, it would be Jesus, and he laid it all down for my sake. And if he did it, I can do it. Lord help me. Second group of people in the room, for those who are seekers. You kind of new to this whole Jesus stuff. You're not quite sure if you even believe in Jesus yet. Let me just ask you a very practical question. Do you want a life marked by bitterness, pride, and grudge? Cause apart from Jesus, that's what you're gonna be left with. You cannot turn on the television or scroll through your phone without seeing people going at each other. But with Jesus, the power of the cross, the power of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer, you can choose blessing over bitterness. You can choose peace over pride. And you can choose goodness over grudge. And see how that not only transforms your life, but transforms the lives of the people around you. And the last thing is For those who are skeptical in the room, skeptics, I get it. You're not quite sure what to believe because maybe the people that hurt you are the same people that claim faith. Church hurts is very real. And so what I wanna ask you to do is to consider Jesus on the cross. See, Jesus was cursed. And his response was blessing. Jesus was wronged. And he, in turn, forgave. And ultimately, Jesus was crucified. But experience victory. That It's still available for you and for me. So here's the challenge. That relationship that you've been thinking about this whole time. The tension, the, the distance, the, the, the exhaustion from wrestling of weeks or months or years. Or maybe it's something even internally within yourself. What would it look like if you took one step this week towards blessing, peace, or goodness? What would it look like to Bless the person that hurt you. You might need to have some boundaries, right? It's if it's possible, but you can at least pray for that person. You can speak well or or look to help or to serve. What if you decided to set your pride aside and say, you know what, my peace doesn't come from that person, it comes from Christ. So now when I enter the room, I'm not entering with a grudge, but I'm entering to give good. To make good To love well and to love people the way that Jesus loved. If you allow the Holy Spirit to change your life. He will transform you to be the light to the dark world that desperately needs you. I know relationships are complicated. But that's why Jesus came down. He says, I'm gonna show you a better way, and I'm gonna empower you to do so. Let's pray. Dear Heavenly Father, whatever relationships people are walking through right now, whatever tensions they feel, whatever walls are up, God, I pray that you would break down and break through these walls. God, we know that while things do seem impossible, we pray to you, a God of the impossible. So empower us this week to take one step towards blessing someone, to take one step towards experiencing and extending peace to others, to take one step to showing and sharing your goodness to the world that desperately needs it. God, may we think and treasure and respond to the fact that complicated people do not block our calling, but rather they build our character. So help us to become more like you this week. We love you, God, and your sons, and we pray. Amen.