This morning's message is entitled Fixer Upper, How to Love Your Imperfect people, and what I've come to realize is that you cannot spell fixer upper without you and I. Because all of us at some level or some form of a fixer upper. Remodels are messy, and so are relationships. You know, I think it's great that today, and for those who don't know, today is Star Wars Day. Do you know that you know that. And for those that are not in their heads enthusiastically, we're friends. Uh, if you don't know that, it's OK. Just come, just know it's God's providence that on the day that we're talking about messy relationships, it's Star Wars Day. And for those that don't know, it's May the 4th be with you. That's where it comes from and you think about the entire movie franchise, it's really based around a messy relationship between a son and his father. And so that's what we're gonna talk about now we're actually, we're gonna talk about all relationships today and, and so here's, here's the reality. Week 2, relationship remodel. Uh, whatever relationship brings tension to your mind. A little weight on the shoulders, a little racing in the heart. Uh, my hope is that today's message. We live at the intersection of what God's word says. And where your life currently is. See, the church location right now is on the corner of Cave Creek Road and Lone Mountain Road. And so it's my prayer that today's message, as we continue studying 1 Corinthians 13 together, We'll meet you on the corner of where you live and what God's word says that we can go home and see God bring transformation and hope and healing in the relationships that matter most. Now before we jump into today's teaching, let's do a quick review of what we covered last week from scripture. So last week we shared that love is more than a feeling, it's the foundation. Love is more than a feeling and it's the foundation that in Corinth there is a city. That was seen as a wealth diverse city that was uh that had a temple to Aphrodites or the goddess of love. And so you had people that were trying to define themselves by either keeping all the rules, the new church that was planted there, or or by breaking all the rules just saying, well, I'm pursuing whatever I want. And so within this mix, Paul writes this letter to a group of believers that's trying to live out the true gospel in a messy world with messy. Relationships. And so the whole letter walks through a series of lifestyle choices and behaviors and we get to the middle section or the middle to late section of the, the book chapters 12 through 14 talks about the church. And so in chapter 12, it talks about the giftings of the church and chapter 14, it talks about the giftings of the church, but, but there at the very end of 1 Corinthians chapter 12 in verse 31, part B, Paul writes this, I will show you still a more excellent way. In other words, we can talk about giftings like people are trying to use their gifts to make it. It was a city if you think about LA or New York or if you're a country star in Nashville, like where you're trying to go to a place to make it, people were going to Corinth to try to make it and says, well, let me show you what making it really looks like and it actually looks a lot like love. And we shared here that agape love could be defined as unconditional, self-giving, sacrificial action taken to transform relationships for the better. And then we challenged everybody to take the love challenge. So we described the love challenge in this way that the love challenge was to locate a relationship like what is that, what is one relationship you want to see improve, grow or strengthen then to open God's word, the challenge that is still this week to read 1 Corinthians 13, uh, every week, and if you're up for it every day. To open open God's word, then to value God's voice. Pray, taking God's word and that relationship up to him, say, what would you like for me to do? And then engage with obedience and then take a step in the direction God is calling you to. Now the relationship might not heal overnight, but if you take a step toward God, you're gonna take a step towards reconciliation in the relationship that you experience. So locate a relationship, open God's word, value God's voice, and then engage with obedience. And so this sets us up today and it sounds great to love people. The problem is people. Right Like I, I've been to many pastors conferences and where guys like, man, I absolutely love ministry, except for the people. And say, well, I'm looking for the perfect church. That's a problem because there are no perfect churches because there are no perfect people. And so how do you, your own in your own imperfection, love the imperfect people in your life? Well, here's our truth for today, is that only God's perfect love can empower our imperfect love. Only God's perfect love can empower our imperfect love. Another way to think about that is this idea that before love is something you do, it's actually a person that you meet. Before love is something that you do, it's actually a person that you meet. How does a child learn to talk? A child learns to talk by first listening to the parent. And you start repeating and doing what the parent does. It is natural for us as humans to repeat the things that we listen to. And for whatever reason, different things get stuck in our head, doesn't it? Like right now in our house with my youngest daughter, we have the soundtrack from Troll's band together on repeat and so any room with Alexa in it, my, my daughter just plays like one song on repeat, over, over and over, right? And so I get it. We want to take you to a better place. OK, sorry, that's the song for the movie, but like it's, it's stuck in your head forever. Like as soon as your child listens to a song. Right, it's now in your head forever. Right, it wasn't that long ago, where as parents, we were struggling to let it go over and over and over again, right? And, and it's not just children though, let's be real, because as parents, as adults, right, we can, we could go and some and and here's the truth, some of you don't remember where you parked this morning, but if your favorite song lyric from your artist from last year, 10 years or 50 years ago pops on, you're immediately singing all the lyrics, right? There are times where I walk from the living room into the kitchen and then immediately forget what I was entering the kitchen for. But I will never forget that on June 18th in the year 2000, Tiger Woods won by 15 strokes the US Open at Pebble Beach. Why do I know that? I don't know. Right, but we all have our things. That go on repeat in our minds. Here's the challenge. Is that all of us have by default a negative voice in our head. That tends to come from somewhere or something. Maybe it's somebody doubted you or betrayed you in your past. Maybe somebody hurt you, said something, did something that caused mistrust in your life that now the rest of your life seems like all relationships moving forward, have a reaction to what you experienced. Maybe it's a shame or guilt that you feel. From a time that you really messed up. And then now you spend the rest of your life projecting onto other people trying to not repeat what happened. Or to make sure that the pendulum swings from here to here and now you live a life reacting to the roller coaster of emotions and actions that come in. So the reason it's important for us to understand. That God's perfect love empowers our imperfect love is that before love becomes something that you do, it's a person that you meet. 1 Corinthians 13 is the most commonly read passage at weddings. And it it works it is accurate, by the way. It's a great passage for weddings. I'm not knocking it. I'm just telling you that it's actually incomplete. I think a better way to read and understand the passage is not a checklist of things to do, but a description of a person to meet and that person is Jesus. Cause he's gonna say before you can ever do these things, let me describe love to you. And he's gonna actually personify love, and he can do it so vividly because the personification is Jesus Christ himself. So I just want to read a couple of it lists it lists 15 characteristics. We're gonna go through the 1st 9 or 10 in verses 4 and 5 today, but I want you to see this here. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. Now, it's very easy to read this list, and at first glance, Projected onto somebody who is not those things in your life. Right. We do that and then we go. We insert our own names in there, which is again a great exercise to do and a test or marker of how we're doing. By inserting our own names in there. I just want to encourage you to make that step 2 or 3, not step 1. Cause the reality is, you throw your name in there, you throw your loved one's name in there, they're gonna fail that test every time. Someone who is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not arrogant, is not rude, does not insist on its own way, is not irritable or resentful, like. You probably walked through some of those on the way to church this morning. Right? And that's called being human. But when you understand this list, not simply as a list to do, but a calling of who Jesus Christ actually is, and you realize that that person, the person who's described in these verses, loves you so much. That's when love truly becomes more than a feeling and actually becomes a foundation, because Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind, Jesus does not envy, Jesus. does not boast. Jesus is not arrogant or rude that Jesus does not insist on his own way, right? But that's why even in the garden, when anybody could, could press for his own way, it would be Jesus, but in the garden, in prayer right before he is killed, he, he humbles himself and to his heavenly Father says, not my will but your will be done. He said, it is not irritable, it is not resentful. How is it that Jesus on the cross, Being mocked by the very people that he was sent to save can look down on those same people and saying, Lord, forgive them. How is it that that Paul in prison can write about true love is and what joy and purpose is from a prison cell after being beaten up time and time and time again to go back and write to people, hey, let me tell you about the love that comes from God. Why? Because the love doesn't come from imperfect people. True love comes from a perfect loving God. That based on your own strength, and your own timing, in your own ways, your love will fall short at some point. But what I can, I can tell you. From 40 years on this earth, 20 years in ministry that God's love never fails. And no matter how far away you feel from God, God is never far away from you, and you come to realize that before love becomes something that you do, it's a person that you meet and that person is Jesus. And we, we continually view our relationships through the way the world does or through our own actions or through actions of what others did to us and we judge this person hurt me, so this person's gonna hurt me or or we judge it and we and we and we have our own rationalizations on this. But if we keep our eyes up on our heavenly Father and we even just get a tiny glimpse of the grace of God that saves us, that'll empower you to love people the way that Jesus loved us. So let's get real practical here for a moment. Because again we're imperfect. And there's a reason Paul shares those qualities, right? Because our default is not. No one wakes up in the morning and goes, you know, I feel a little extra patient today. Just the other day, there are people that trying just to get home, pull on the 101, stuck in traffic for hours, right? You think anyone stuck in traffic is like, oh yay. It is not natural to not desire your own way. As soon as a child has one toy, what word does he learn? More, OK, two words. I like that one too. Mine. As soon as a child gets his first ever toy, mine and more. The child's first response is never, thank you, here you go. And let's be real, we never age out of that, do we? And left to our own devices, we walk into every room going, mine and more. So let me share with you 4 barriers to love. 4 barriers to left. Number 1. Is criticism See, it's smart to think critically. But it's harsh to just live critical. And the difference between criticism and feedback is that the goal of criticism is to tear down, the goal of feedback is to build up. So when you share something. Out of honest feelings, think about what is your motive, is your motive to. Build up as your mode of the tear down. Just a few practical don'ts, and I say this because I've done them all. We, we, we all do them, but just let's be real again, I just want to be helpful, practical. So if you don'ts when you're fighting, OK, and, and again, this is not a judgment zone, this is, these are things that I have done and will still end up doing and I, I have to recognize in my own self. So it helps me, it reminds me, maybe it'll remind you guys. Number one, don't use superlatives. You always, you never, it's the worst. Right. If someone does something one time, like address that one time, not like, oh, it always is this way, right? Don't use superlatives. Uh, don't build an #2, don't build an argument artillery. Like, you know how countries have like an arms race? Sometimes we have an arms race in relationships. Right? Someone does something like, oh, I'm gonna save that for later. And you don't even mean to, right? But then something else sparks and all of a sudden all the previous things come out. Right? So don't get historical. Number 3, don't get historical. You said this, oh yeah, where you boom boom boom boom. Don't get hysterical. Don't get historical, don't get hysterical. And then uh be careful with second person starting phrases and name-calling, right? Which sounds harsher. You always do this, or. You know, I felt disrespected when this happened. I felt that like. Again, we do this. It's just you gotta be careful about being critical. OK. Number 2, barrier to love comparison. Comparison Pride and pity are two sides of the same coin. Neither of which will you be able to take to the relationship bank. See, pride says, whoa, look at me. Pity says, oh, look at me. We actually live in a culture that almost seems to like try to out-vict the other person. You know what I'm talking about? Like it's not that there's a difference between being vulnerable. And trying to out-vict the other person. Right, it's gonna be a barrier comparison. Third barrier to love, control. Control. This is what we do when our expectations are not met. The gap between expectation and experience is the level of frustration you're gonna experience. So if you expect this and then experience is here, that's where frustration happens. I'm telling you, it will happen. So the question is, what do you do in that gap in between? The natural response. is to respond with control, right? Well, this feels out of control, so I'm gonna control this area. Right. I had a bad day at work, so I'm gonna come home and control the family. Uh, the family gets control and then they're gonna control the sibling is gonna then control the dog, and they're gonna control the cat. And then, right, it just kind of continues on, isn't it? I'm mad or heard about something over here and so I'm gonna try to get extra control over here. But what happens without us knowing is that we end up putting up a wall. 4th thing, 4th barrier to love is complacency. Complacency. This is a dangerous one because apathy can feel worse than fighting. Whatever. Doesn't matter. I want you to notice something about all four of those things, criticism, comparison, control, complacency. The focus on that relationship is self. You see that? The focus is itself. Now, I wanna read some scriptures to you when it comes to relationships, and I want you to see how healthy growing relationships have a focus on God. John 155. Jesus speaking to his disciples, says, I am the vine and you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, that word abide, some translations say dwell or remain, is this idea to make home with. Isn't that a good description? Those who make a home with me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me, you can do nothing. That's both encouraging and a reality check. A branch that isn't connected to Jesus. It's just a stick. The goal is to be a branch, not a stick. Uh, we actually had a funny moment, uh, early on into our church plant life with our previous worship leader. This is why it's important for the preacher and the worship leader to connect before the sermon happens, which we've, we've gotten much better at that, um, over the years. But I remember preaching a similar message from John 15, and I remember, uh, the point was it's not enough to be close to Jesus, you gotta be connected. Right? It makes sense, right, like, oh yeah, it's checks my alliteration box and it's this imagery of like is it a stick, is a branch that you have to be connected to Jesus, not close, and I had just, I was like, boom, boom, boom, boom. I pray like, man, that was that that'll preach and I walked off the stage and the first line of the response song was draw me close to you and it's like, oh no, OK. I just said it's not about being close. And then the songs like draw me close. I was like, oh man, OK. I wanna ask you, are, are you close or are you connected? Right Just cause you're within proximity of someone doesn't mean you're connected. And the best way to be connected is first here to be connected to God. And that is the only way through which you're gonna end up producing fruit. What is the fruit of being connected to God look like? Galatians 5:22 to 23. It says, but the fruit of the spirit is love. Oh, there it is. See, we've been trying to earn this level of love, but love is actually a fruit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things, there is no law. Doesn't that list sound a lot like the list we just read in 1 Corinthians 13? It does, doesn't it? You know why? Cause it's the same. Cause both describe Jesus and the more connected you are to Jesus, the more you receive his love, the more you start to reflect it. 2 Timothy 1:7, For God gave us a spirit, not of fear but of power, love and self-control. Self-control seems out of place there, by the way. Doesn't it? Like I understand God gives us power, God gives us love. But if you try to live any of those first two things out, what do you need? 100% of the time is self-control. So it comes from God, how we respond to each other. God's perfect love empowers our imperfect love. Ephesians 5:1-2. Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children. In other words, as you listen to God, then you do what Jesus does. As you listen to God, you say what Jesus says. It says, and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. We did not deserve anything that he gave us. But when you recognize that love is not just something you do, but it's a person you meet and you meet the kind of Jesus that I know. You're just standing on and amazed. And say, yeah, help me, help me love people the way that you do. Colossians 2:6-7 says, therefore, as you received Christ Jesus, OK, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him, established in faith, just as you were taught abounding and thanksgiving. How were you saved? You were saved by grace through faith. So then let me ask you, how are you loving in your relationships? Are you loving in grace, by faith? Are you trying to take the reins back, right? Does your relationship, is it described by the fruit of the spirit, or is it those first C words we mentioned? Criticism. Right, comparison, control, complacency. One more verse here. 2 Corinthians chapter 3, verse 4 to 6 as such the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything coming from us. In other words, Paul's acknowledging here, this is the same, it's a second letter, but to the same church in Corinth. He says, not that we can claim anything good comes from us because it doesn't. He says, but our sufficiency is from God. Who made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, not the letter of the, uh, but of the spirit, for the letter kills, but the spirit gives life. When you receive and remember the spirit of God, it gives life. Couple quotes here, um, the late Pastor Tim Keller put it this way, he said, to be loved is but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear, but to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. God knows all of your hurt, God knows all of your sin, God knows all of your struggles and looks down and says, my child. And so a lot of times we miss the fact that we're projecting on to people what we haven't fully experienced ourselves through Christ. Bob Goff writes, puts it this way, he says, love isn't something we fall into, love is someone we become. Isn't that good? Love isn't something we fall into, it's someone we become. And listen, I'm, I'm, I'm, I get it. It's, it's, it's, you're not gonna listen to a 30 minute message and poof, all, all things are done. Like you, you might need some therapy, legitimately, you might need some counseling. You might have a lot of years and decades' worth of entanglement or detachment, or, or anger or things to work through. It doesn't, it doesn't happen just all of a sudden. But what I want to share with you is the starting point. The direction that if you change this perspective just slightly into the direction, taking a move towards God, any move towards God is gonna bring healing and hope within a relationship. Yes, it might involve boundaries. Yes, it might involve some hard conversations. It's gonna involve forgiveness, it's gonna involve honesty and vulnerability, and that's difficult because again, by default, we don't like those things. But what I know is that only God's perfect love can empower our imperfect love. So 3 practical keys here to loving imperfect people. Number 1, You gotta receive God's love personally. It starts with accepting Christ into your life. Believing that Jesus is Lord and Savior, admitting that you're a sinner, that you're not good on your own. That he died on the cross as payment for your sins, that he rose again. And when he rose again, He provides eternity, salvation, and purpose and meaning, and all those things become possible because he loves us. John 3:16, for God's to love it. So receive God personally. Number 2 then is to remember God's love faithfully. We're gonna take communion in just a few moments, and the whole purpose of communion. Is that connection with God and doing this in remembrance of him. Cause again we forget. So we're gonna take communion as A representation of what Christ did on the cross and the connection to what he did as payment for our sins and to remember the true forgiveness that we have through him. It's that like, imagine carrying that heavy, heavy load and just being able to just finally go. Oh Cause when you receive God's love personally, when you remember God's love faithfully, then ultimately that leads you then to reflect God's love boldly. To reflect God's love boldly. This is why Jesus could say. The world will know that you're my disciples, how you love each other. Some of you might be thinking, OK, John, but that's nice, but I can't do that. So I want to share with you a video. It moves me and then if it's moving me, maybe it might move some of you. And I want you to pay attention to a couple of characters. You have Ernie and Cheryl Johnson. Ernie is an NBA analyst on TNT. Husband and wife. Then I want you to take notice, he tells the story. Of their adopted child, Michael. And and then of the love not only of the parents but of Michael and uh high school basketball coach that was from Indiana and coaching in Georgia at Mill Creek High School, Phil Bollier. And I want you to understand that someone who you think has no way of being able to change lives based on the the the card she's been dealt. But the impact and not just a high school, but really a nation when the story went viral. Go and check out the story. When I think about value, I think about this kid right here. See, I'd come home from work one day and she said, you know what we need to do? She says, No, we need to go to Romania and adopt a kid. I said, no, hold on, we, we've got two children. We're, you know, we're the script we're following the script. Don't be afraid to go unscripted folks. Cheryl had seen a story. On ABC News about these Romanian orphans being warehoused, those with special needs were just forgotten. Let's give a kid a second chance. So we went unscripted The nurse who handed this boy to her, you know what, you know what she said, she said, Don't take this boy, he's no good. Can you imagine? And I said, bring him home. He gets diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, which a lot of kids don't make it out of their teens when you got that because your muscles don't grow, they waste away. The coach With less hair than me, a guy named Phil Boi. Michael at this point is in high school. See this coach He knows what I know. He knows there's value in everybody. He said, I want him to be my 5 ft tall impact player with no vertical leap. He said, because I see value in him because the day I met him, I followed him into his classroom. I had a conversation with him and Michael doesn't communicate well, and he has a kind of a rain man kind of memory. So he meets you, you tell him what you drive, he'll never forget it. So he has this great memory, but he also has this three words he loves to say and you don't have to say it to him first, he just says, love you too. This is from a kid who didn't speak until he was 8, so Phil Bollier asked if he could be on his basketball team so he could teach his team two things maximum effort for Michael to move any muscle in his body. Takes everything he's got. And he said, I wanted to teach my team having a heart for others. Now that heart for others runs deep. Or you can lock eyes with the teammates, I'd do anything for you. I would do anything for you. He teaches all of his students how to say I love you in sign language. He says, and, and, and look, if you, if you tip your index finger at the other person, it means love you too. So that on senior night, Michael goes out last, my wife and I follow his wheelchair out there like the other players. People are standing and applauding. But unlike the other players, I look up in the student section and they're standing like this. Because this kid, this Romanian orphan. And this coach from Indiana somehow got together in a gym in Brazilton, Georgia and taught this huge school about love. Remember, don't take this boy, he's no good. Right. Value in everybody. When you step away from your agenda. And notice That there are moments that can make somebody's life better. That's all I try to teach me and I mean teach my kids. When you wake up in the morning, how am I gonna make somebody else's life better today? Michael Pass. In 2021 But a short life was not a life without impact. Someone who could barely move. Entered life And would start every conversation. Love you too. Didn't wait for someone to say at first. But imagine how our world would be better. If you allowed God's perfect love. To empower your imperfect love. And that whatever difficulty or challenge you're facing. You could approach that relationship and simply start out by saying, love you too. God loves you. And I love you too. Will you pray with me, dear heavenly Father. As we get ready to take communion, God, I pray. That we can Receive your love. Personally God, if there's somebody in this room, I pray that they can place their trust in you as Lord and Savior. Today May we receive the love that you've given us. Number 2, God, when we just remember that love. That's why we take communion. To remember our connection through you and the sacrifice you made on the cross. And finally, God, I pray that we can reflect that love boldly. That we love people the way that you loved us. I know Ernie and Cheryl Johnson are strong believers. And taught that to their son Michael. Who in turn taught that to an entire school. And when shared encouraged an entire nation. May we have the mindset in our relationships. I love you too. Because we are by you. Thank you God for loving us as your sons and we pray. Amen.