Recently there was a funeral where a woman asked her late husband's best friends to stand up and to share a word at the memorial. So the first gentleman stands up, looks at the audience and simply says plethora and then he sits back down and just like you right now, the audience seemed a little confused. But when I sat back down, the widow looked up and said, thank you. That means a lot. You think about the work letter? Ok. Second guy stands up, stands before their moron says, earth suspect down. So what it looks at is thank you. That means the world. Third gentleman stands up and before the audience and just says, water hole, everyone looks a little confused, sits back down and the widow says, thank you. I think you mean well, and the last gentleman stood up before the crowd holding back the tears and says, underestimate. At this point, the widow breaks down, begins to cry and whispers that means more than you know. And as bad as those jokes were, I have a word today for us with relationships. Ok? It's more than a word, but I have one word that's gonna summarize what we're gonna talk about today and it's a word boundaries. What are boundaries, what are helpful, what are hurtful? How do we, how do we handle relationships? Because some of you coming into church today have been coming to church all of your life. Some of you have been coming in and this is your first time. Some of you came from a Catholic background and this is very different for you. Um But some of you other uh or progressive church or wherever you come from, you're like, OK, what's gonna happen here? One thing that I know to be true that from whatever your background is is that all of us could stand to get better at relationships because you see our world is unhealthy and everywhere you turn there seems to be a crisis, there seems to be chaos, there seems to be stress, there seems to be anxiety overwhelmed. I mean, here we are, we have access to more information, more tools, more resources, more medication, more anything than anybody at any point in history. And yet we seem to be the most stressed out, overwhelmed generation so far. But I wanna encourage you today that as we talk about the idea of relationships and boundaries that I wanna encourage you with this thought that it is possible to pursue healthy relationships in an unhealthy world. It is possible that just because your circumstance, your circle, your workplace, your family is in a unhealthy setup. It is possible to still pursue healthy relationships. How do we know that to be true? We're gonna see this modeled by Jesus himself. But before we jump into it, let's give a little definition to what we're talking about. Uh Henry Cloud in his book named Boundaries here, actually defined boundaries. This way he says here, he says personal limits, uh boundaries are personal limits that define where one person ends and another person begins, they help individuals maintain their identity and autonomy by delineating what they are responsible for and what they are not. And so if you think of a boundary, think of it almost like a property line in a house in a housing development that where is your house? And where does your fence line end? And where does the next person begin? And Cloud goes on to share that when it comes to understanding relationship boundaries, people tend to struggle in four different areas. First, they struggle with compliance. This is the person who can never say no, anyone um struggle with saying no, when someone asks for help anybody. Ok, a few of you raise your hand and you know why you raise your hand? Because you can't say no, you, you felt you felt compelled to raise your hand when I asked you, right? But in reality, it's when someone needs help and your schedule is busy and you're overwhelmed and you have all these things and you find yourself still helping and, and go in and do the next thing. So that can be an issue when you can't say no. The other side is also an issue and that's called avoidance. That's when you can't say yes, I don't wanna deal with it. And so I'm just gonna be over here. So one is involved too much. One is not involved at all. The third issue that people have with boundaries is that they struggle with control, control that you don't respect other people's boundaries. Uh You might think you might have a person that comes to mind that in your workplace or in your family or in your friend group that when blank person walks into the room, the mood of the room changes, you know what I'm talking about because it just impacts everything. Right. Well, don't like elbow that person now in the room might not be appropriate, but ok, um, but the idea that maybe that person is struggling with control, ok. The fourth thing here is that, um, if you're like, ok, I've had too much, I've seen too much. I'm just not gonna respond to anything. And so that's a struggle with non responsiveness where you simply ignore the needs of other people. And so if you're compliant, you can't say no, you're avoidant. You can't say yes, you have control is that you're trying to control the boundaries of other people or you're non responsive and, you know, ignore everything. None of those are great. But thankfully, we have the example in scripture, Jesus Christ himself. You see in John 14 6, Jesus talking with his disciples says that I am the way the truth in the life. No one comes to the father except through me. Now, we primarily interpret that verse as a verse dealing with salvation. As he tell, he was telling the disciples that he is going away and that it's gonna be a very good thing. The Holy Spirit is gonna be coming down. And it is an accurate interpretation of scripture that Jesus is the way the truth in life that it's only through belief in Jesus Christ, that you can be saved. But what we miss, I think as Christians is not only is Jesus, the means of salvation, it's also the model for life. I am the way the truth and the life that he came to earth to provide salvation. But he also gave us the example to follow. And so when we look at the relationships and the examples of Jesus, we're gonna see that healthy relationships or the pursuit of healthy relationships is possible even in an unhealthy situation. OK. So for our sake, we're just gonna share four stories of Jesus. But if you actually read the gospels, Matthew, Mark Luke John, through the lens of the relationships Jesus established with the people around him, you'll be amazed at really the impact that Jesus had on the people around him and that he actually give us. So we're gonna take a look at four examples in the gospel of Mark. Uh just so that we can understand and get a glimpse into the relationship, attributes of Jesus. OK. First example here, this is what I would call. The private example is this is understanding self and the need to get alone with God. It's found in Mark chapter one verse 35 to 37 Jesus to set it up. Jesus already had called his first disciples. He was already healing people and, and crowds were starting to follow him. But we find this here in Mark chapter one verse 35 to 37 he says, and rising very early in the morning while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place and there he prayed and Simon and those who were with him, searched for him and they found him and said to him, everyone is looking for you. What I find fascinating here is that even Jesus took time, not just for himself, but for himself and specifically with his heavenly father with God. You know, it shares in there that rising early in the morning. And I think he shared that because not that it's necessarily the time that matters, but it's the fact that he was intentional. Are you intentional to have time alone with God? See, solitude is time with God. Isolation is when you're just trying to reject the world. And I think what happens, especially in a world with devices is that in vices is that we, we are isolated from everybody, but we're never actually in solitude with God and Jesus himself took time to connect with his heavenly Father. Why? Because you cannot give what you don't do, not have. And so the more you have on your plate, the more you even need that time of solitude or connection with God, your heavenly Father. And so if anybody could have functioned without quote unquote self care, it's really not just self care, it's soul care for that. If anyone could have gotten away or had an excuse for it, it's Jesus, right? If you think about like uh all of us have used the excuse. Oh man, I'm so busy, I'm so busy. I'm busy, right? Ok. Are you busier than saving the whole world? Are you busier than, you know, taking on the sins of the world, introducing a new religion? Like like fulfilling like no, I don't think so. Right? And yet Jesus himself took intentional time to get away. This means also that you do not have to always be available, right? You, you don't have to always be available. Jesus, if Jesus wasn't always available, we don't have to always be available, but it's not drifting. You will never drift towards health. You have to be intentional to where everyone was looking for Jesus. But yet you look in his ministry life. There were several times before major movements happened, that Jesus actually went away to connect with his heavenly father and he invites you and I to do the same. And so the first thing about relationships is that do you take the personal time to intentionally get away to be in solitude with God to see what is God's word, have to say to you, to pray, to speak to God, to listen to God so that you can be filled up for the rest of those relationships. It will not happen on accident. We have to be intentional. Ok? And the more stressed out, the more responsibilities, the more things you have. I'm telling you the more you need it. Take that time. All right. The second thing here from the private example. Now we see the public example. This comes in Mark chapter six, they were actually trying to get away and actually relax with the disciples. They had just done the ministry thing. He sent the disciples out, they were in a boat, they were going to the other side to have some rest time, relax time with Jesus. But the crowd ensues and goes to the other side and meets them. So there's thousands of people. But I want you to see how Jesus responds to inconvenience. OK. Mark chapter six verse 34. And when Jesus went ashore and saw a great crowd, he was extremely annoyed. Oh, wait, no, that's the American version, sorry. Um And he had compassion on them that when Jesus was inconvenienced, his first thought was not annoyance. His first thought was compassion. And because they were like sheep without a shepherd, he began to teach them many things. And what would go on next would be one of the greatest miracles of all time, which is the feeding of the 5000. And really, it's more than 5000 because I was just counting the men. If you include the women and Children, estimates of say it's probably closer to 20,000 people that he fed. That miracle began because Jesus had the mindset of compassion. So when it comes to personal boundaries and in private setting, are you taking time to be intentional and in solitude with God? Not isolated, solitude? There's a difference. Then when you're in public, how do you respond when something is inconvenience you? Something was unexpected? Do you get annoyed or do you have compassion? Third example here? Now, when you see amongst the crowd, not only does Jesus have compassion on the crowd, but he actually sees individuals and people specifically see the disciples were arguing over who's the greatest they were trying to rank like, hey, who's first? Right? They're trying to call shotgun up in heaven like, hey God, can we sit on this side or this side? Like can we get the VIP treatment? Like I know there's disciples but like we're like less ily disciples you know what I'm saying? Like, can we like, can we be like right next to you? You know, can we be some of your homies, your posse that's there. That and then everybody knows that we're with you. Well, his response is really telling because Jesus clarifies his vision, his values, his belief, his purpose. And then we see that lived out practically. So first he's speaking in Mark chapter 10 verse 45 Here he says, for even the son of man came not to be served, but to serve to give his life as a ransom for many. So here is his purpose statement, his vision, his mission in Luke. He also says he came to seek and save the lost Jesus did not come to be served but to serve. He understood his purpose. Now we see this then lived out in the very next story. Verse 46 is and they came to Jericho and as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great crowd, Bartos, a blind beggar, the son of Tamas was sitting by the roadside. I love that. They named the guy because they knew who he was. He wasn't just some nameless sick person off to the side. It was Bartimaeus, the blind beggar. They knew him, they knew the family, they knew all the issues this guy had. So how do they respond? So when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say Jesus son of David have mercy on me and many rebuked him. Now before we harp on the disciples for rebuking the blind beggar. OK? They were following the protocol of the day, right? The beggar did not follow the right rules, didn't follow the right process. In order to get access to a priest or the leader or someone in there, he actually just start shouting at Jesus. So before we judge the disciples, the reality is we would probably respond the same way. But I want you to notice how Jesus responds to an interruption. And so while the disciples are rebuking this man telling him to be silent, he says, but he cried, cried out all the more Son of David have mercy on me. And Jesus stopped and said, call him and they called the blind man saying to him, take heart, get up for he is calling you verse 50. He says, and throwing off his cloak, he sprang up and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, what do you want me to do for you? And the blind man said to him, rabbi, let me recover my sight. And Jesus said to him, go your way. Your faith has made you well. And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him on the way. This is one of many examples actually in the gospel. There's a time, another time where a lady who is sick touches the cloak of Jesus and has this interaction. There was a time when the Children come running up and they try to shoo them away and yet Jesus welcomes the little Children. There's a time when Zachaeus who was a hated tax collector was up in a tree and Jesus stops in the middle of the crowd, looks him in the eye, calls him by name and says Zachaeus, I'm coming over to your house tonight. Jesus had this way of handling interruptions with addressing the person on a dignified personal relational connection point. I wanna know how do you respond to interruptions during your day? Oh, in a way like li listen, that's human. OK, we all are there but I want you to notice that when Jesus is centered, we understand who he is the boundary of self, others along with purpose and calling in life, not just what is he supposed to be, but who is he supposed to be? Jesus is able to pause and to address the person directly and the need. That's right in front of him. Another story. A good Samaritan talks about what does it mean to love your neighbor? Well, who is our neighbor? It's the person in front of you. It's the person around you. It's the person at work. It's the family. It's, it's the neighbor like that your literal neighbor. It's, it's at school. It's, it's the people to interact with sometimes. I think we get so caught up in the problems of the world that we forget to love the people that are directly adjacent to us. And Jesus on a mission to go to the cross to provide salvation for the world in midst of a crowd is able to handle an interruption and direct the person. Have a conversation. Ask what is it that you're looking for and to meet the need that's in before them? It's pretty powerful to see this. But what I want you to see here, we've seen the private example of Jesus to have intentional time with God. You see the public display of Jesus to have compassion on the people around them, right? Think, think about it this way when you go to work, is it oh, here we go again, those people or is it another opportunity to make a difference? I I shared the story um years ago around Valentine's day of a little boy who was getting picked on at school. And uh and he had this idea to make a little personalized Valentine's for everybody in his class. And the mom was really nervous because he didn't know if he was gonna get one back, right? And, and, and he didn't know if he was gonna get made fun of for this. And so I was really nervous, right? And so the kid was all excited, personalized Valentines for every kid in class and he goes, and he comes home and, and he just has his head down for a moment and the mom's like, you know, the parent ache for the kid is like, oh gosh, how did it go? And he goes not one and as a parent, oh, if you hear that and your kids say not one, your heart just breaks. Right? And then he looks up with a big smile and says I didn't miss one. See, there's a difference when you enter a room looking to get something or looking to give something. And Jesus had this way of entering every environment to deal with the masses to still be solid, right? But then to address the interruptions. But the last example here is what did Jesus do when he was overwhelmed when he was stressed, you see one of the most painful things he had to experience was actually right before he went to the cross is the anxiety knowing that the cross was coming, he has the last supper with his disciples. The disciples didn't know it was the last supper. By the way, think about that for the disciples in the room, they just thought it was supper. We call it the last supper now. OK. And so after the last supper, they go into the garden and Jesus is there in the garden and it says this here in Mark 14 verse 32 to 36. And they went to a place called Gethsemane. And he said to his disciples sit while I pray, while I pray and he took with him, Peter and James and John. And he began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, my soul is very sorrowful even to death. Remain here and watch and going a little further. He fell on the ground and prayed that if it were possible that the hour might pass from him. And he said, Abba, father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me yet. Not what I will but what you will now this won't be on the screen. But I want you to just consider four things for a moment that when Jesus Christ himself was stressed, what did he do? First? Even before the four things? Understand that Jesus was Jesus and he still went through very hard things, right? That should encourage us in the fact that if Jesus is gonna walk through difficulty, persecution, betrayal issue like relational tension, right? You and I are gonna experience this as well. We have to understand that trouble is coming if it's not already here. So how did Jesus respond these four things? Number one, Jesus took people with him. Isn't that interesting? He took Peter James and John with him to pray. I think that's interesting. He didn't just go alone, he was alone with God to have solitude and connection. But in the greatest need. He took people with him. Then second, I want you to see that he took his issue to God says my soul is sorrowful. God. I know you can do all things that you could take this cup from me. So the the third thing there is that He was honest in the moment, he was honest. So first he took people with him. Second, he took it to God. Third. He was honest with the reality of how he was feeling in that moment. And then fourth, he submitted to God's will. He said not my will, your will. Are we willing to do that? Are we willing to take people with us? Are we willing to take our issue? Our stress to God? Are we willing to be honest with how we're truly feeling in that moment? And then are we willing to submit to whatever the will of God is going to be in this situation? And another thing that was encouraging to me in this situation. And so here he has this powerful moment that people that has been with him for the last three plus years of ministry. They have seen miracle after miracle after miracle and you know what they were doing during jesus' most stressful point sleeping, they messed up. They were with Jesus and they fell asleep. If you've ever nodded off in the service, don't feel too bad because Peter nodded off on Jesus. Ok. And, and uh not once but twice, if you read the story, he said, how are you sleeping? And then he goes and prays again to the point where like he's like sweating and like tears of blood, like that's how intense this is and comes back and they're sleeping again. And so why I love this is because even the disciples messed up early on. And so look, we are not gonna get this right. OK. We just got to know that and God can still use you. But when you look at Jesus, what we see is that healthy relationships is possible because Jesus pursued healthy relationships in an unhealthy world. You might be in an unhealthy situation that is outside of your control. But what's still inside your control is the opportunity to bring health into it in the private life. Jesus was intentional in the public life. Jesus was compassionate in a crowded life. Jesus handled interruptions with integrity and then in a painful situation, what we see here is that he brought people with him. He took a situation to God. He was honest with how he felt and then he submitted to God's will. Now, what does that mean for you? And I today let's end this morning's service with some really practical stuff that my hope is that you can find useful and start applying it to your life this week. And I wanna acknowledge, look, none of us are perfect. And so this is I'm gonna call this a spectrum because it's not like something that you just nail it and move on that constantly in your life. You're gonna be kind of walking through leaning one way or the other because a lot of times in relationships, it feels like we're on a balance beam, right? And it's like you, you, you always need balance, like every step, right? You might have learned to walk as an infant, you still need to continue walking today. Does that make sense? Right. OK. So here's where in scripture we now actually see it played out even in psychology today, there's this theory called family systems theory that talks about how uh in relationships we tend to respond to anxiety in three ways. And I want you to try to identify where you fall on this spectrum. On one side, you have enmeshment and I'm gonna explain these terms in just a second. But you have a mesh on one side, you have the healthy side, which is called differentiation in the middle. And then on the other side, you have detachment. So the health is in the middle. But when we're not healthy, we tend to lean one way or the other. OK. This comes from family systems theory. It was in that book by Steve Cress called Managing Leadership Anxiety. And so again, I recommend that resource for you. But let's let's define these terms. So maybe you can, I want you to go back and identify where you find yourself on these spectrums. OK. So first thing here, a mesh, a mesh really means it, it's really something that creates a level of co dependency where you're not sure where one person ends and another person begins. It's when your life and the life of somebody else is like this, like all kind of tangled. You know what I'm talking about? Um, you ever done that human knot game as like a team builder exercise with students or work where you have to like cross hands like, oh, we have to untangle the knots when you relationally feel like a tangled knot. That's enmeshment. That's when somebody's problems becomes your problems and vice versa. And this is an unhealthy version. Now again, we're gonna talk about the healthy part of it, but when it's unhealthy, that's where you lose boundaries and things get tangled up. So here's a question to ask yourself when you feel enmeshed with the person through a situation is what is mine to carry? What is theirs to carry? And what is God's to carry? What are you responsible for? What are they responsible for? What is God responsible for? What I like to say is that when you're in conflict with somebody own your percent. Not all fights are 5050. Ok. Sometimes it's 6040 it might be 95 5. Well, whatever you are, whatever percentage you bring to the table own the 5% which means you're not going, I'm sorry, but, oh, here's everything else over here, right? It's just simply, I'm sorry, I did this. It's taking responsibility for yours. The other thing is, have you ever found yourself worrying for somebody? And you just think you just, like, grind, like clench your fist, like trying to, will someone to make a good decision. You can't do that. You can't do that for your kids. You can't do that for your spouse. You can't do that for a friend or a coworker. You can't, will them to make a good decision because how do I know this? Because does that work for you? No, if you have a friend or a loved one, tell you to do something, you do the opposite, right? You can't do that. So when you're a mess, you feel that that responsibility for somebody else's choices. Does that make sense? So what is yours to carry? What's theirs to car? What's God's to carry when you can separate that with healthy boundaries that allows you to move forward? Ok? If you've become a mess, the other side of it, then then becomes this idea of detachment. It's the, the other extreme. Ok? I don't wanna be entangled. So I'm just gonna remove myself from the situation. What happens there is that you create a protective layer around your heart by removing yourself. No, I've seen that play before. Those are the people that I have no problem with boundaries or they say things like I just tell it like it is, you find yourself getting angry. Well, here's how, you know, when you've leaned again. We all lean these ways. Sometimes we go back and forth. Here's where, you know, you've gone into this form of detachment is when did you stop listening to the person? If you stop listening to the person, you have to ask yourself this is that, you know, am I listening to defend? Am I listening to fix or what the goal is? Am I listening to learn? You ever been in conflict with somebody in an argument? And the whole time you're just listening to reply like, oh when they say this, I'm gonna say that or if they do this, then I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna these people on my side and this person agrees with me and that person agrees with me and you never do that, right? Uh You, you gotta stay curious, right? Jesus wasn't a meshed Jesus also wasn't detached. Jesus was differentiated. Here's what I mean by that differentiation creates a healthy connection between God's self and others. You understand what is God's, what is yours? And was it somebody else's? And what differentiation does is that allows you to bring in a non anxious presence with others? So like you walk in and you don't feel like I have to say the right thing, do the right thing, whatever it is like it's, you can just be with the person, right? I I tend to like try to fix it all the time. Can I just tell you like your life's not gonna be fixed just on a Bible verse, right? I can't control the situation. So I'm just gonna say something right? When we try to throw like a band aid on a much larger and more complex issue, when really what God's called us to do is just come alongside and walk by somebody be present with them. Jesus had this way to be right in the middle of everything messy and still be true and he invites us to do the same. So here's a question to ask ourselves as we wrap up. Um How are you reacting to anxious thoughts? Are you catching anxiety? Are you catching somebody else's anxiety or are you able to place it somewhere? Give it to God, right? What are your vision? Beliefs and values? Jesus were able to say the son of man did not come to be served but to serve. But I came to seek and save the loss like he knew his values, his purpose and then are my vision and values aligning with scripture? And then are they aligning with reality? You're not to say I'm standing on my truth. We're standing on the truth. Does it align with scripture? And then does it align with your experience? Can you walk into a room? You're not a meshed, you're not detached, you're just present with them. So where are you on the spectrum in your relationships? Can you model it like Jesus? Do you have time alone with him. Do you have compassion in a larger setting? Can you handle interruptions with grace? Do you handle difficult situations and stress by going to God and bringing others with you? Let me just give you a practical selling point and then we're gonna close here and we're gonna celebrate with something here. It's gonna be pretty cool. Is that just first identify what kind of conversation you're having? Am I having a practical conversation? This comes from a guy named Charles Duh. Here. Um Am I having a practical conversation? Am I having an emotional conversation or am I having a social conversation? You ever been in a conversation with a spouse or a friend? And you're having two different types of conversations? They're trying to connect with you and you're trying to solve it. Have the same conversation, the same type, right? Meet someone where they are connect with them emotionally, spiritually pointing them to Jesus, right? If you do that, if you understand the boundaries of it, if you understand how God made you, how God wired you who you are, what God's called you to do, you can ask yourself then what is one step towards health? I need to take this week. What is one step do I need to change from? Am IAS am I detached? Do I have a wall up where there shouldn't be? Do I need to put a wall up where there should be? Is there a conversation I need to have. Is there a question I need to ask? Is there, do I need to have a heart of compassion to those around me? Wherever you are? Know that it is possible to pursue healthy relationships in an unhealthy world? Because Jesus did that. Will you pray with me, dear God? Just thank you for who you are and what you've done? God? Thank you for giving us the example that when we are centered on you God, when we take intentional time of solitude to connect with your word, that God, we can go into our world, not trying to get something from people, but looking to give what you have already given to us that we can be in our schools and our workplace and our families with compassion that we can handle interruptions that we can meet people where they are and be present with them. To know what is ours to carry, what is theirs to carry and whatever is outside of our control, to pray and give over to you, help us to be better in our relationships this week, to have healthy conversations and to love people the way that you have loved us and says, let me pray. Amen.