In 1955 psychologists, Joseph Luff and Harrington Ingram are two gentlemen that created a tool that we've been using for the last 70 years to describe the value of interpersonal relationships called the Jahari window. And so they took their name, OK, we took Joseph, we took Harrington and combined it. And so they gave it that name Jahari window. And so here it is on the screen and what it is is your relationship to self and then your relationship to others. So there's a two by two grid and what we know to be true. And the reason it's worked for these last 70 years is that there are four different categories of information that are available based on the level of relationship you have with people. First, there are things that are known to you and known to the public around you. And so that's really just an open category of where it's pretty, it's common knowledge, it's public knowledge of what's going on in your life that people see it, you're aware of it and you move forward. But where the valuable things of relationships come into play is that there are also things that, you know, that the surrounding world does not know. And so this is described as the hidden area in life, not always. But a lot of times these are the secrets we keep because we're either guilty or, or ashamed of something. And so we are afraid that if people found something out, they might not have as high an opinion about us, right? So the things that we don't share with people and so it's really hidden by us and unknown to others. Then there's another category called uh blind spots where things are known by other people, but you are actually unaware of it. So you are unaware of maybe how you come off. You are unaware of how you speak or act in a certain way. And so the people in your life know it, but you actually don't know it. And then there's 1/4 category that really only God knows because God sees all things is that it's unknown to you and it's unknown to the people around you. Well, the value of having people in your life is that you can really understand three out of those four categories and then even pray for the fourth category. So in the open category, you can actually strengthen what's already known to you, right? It's when people see something in you and call something out of you and encourage you and lift you up, right? And compliment and encourage. And so those are great things to do that when stuff is out in the open. But where relationships really help are in those two corner categories of hidden things and blind spot things. Because in a safe relationship, in a caring community, when you feel loved, you are more likely to share what is hidden in your life. When you can bring to the surface things that you've been hanging on to things that you've been struggling and wrestling with that, actually, people can encourage you in. And so in a strong community, you can actually share what was previously hidden. And then secondarily that people can speak into your life and help identify blind, stop blind spots that are in your own life. And so when you are in healthy relationships, you can speak into one another's lives where you can help identify blind spots, but then have the trust to share the hidden things, hidden things in our lives that when all is said and done, we can grow stronger in our relationships. Now, no matter your stage or age in life, we could all stand to get better in our relationships. It's amazing how much and how often people search for relationship advice. In fact, if you go to Google, Google, that the word Google actually comes from a, a change of spelling of the word Google that originated in the 19 thirties is actually the nephew of a mathematician named Edward Kashner, his nephew named Milton. It's a great name. We need to bring that name back. Any, any Miltons in the house, that'd be, you know. Ok. It'd be great if there was uh anyway, so the nephew of his mathematician Milton was trying to describe in his mind, a number that was unattainable. And so he said 10 to the 100th power. So one followed by 100 zeros. And so he just called it Google like a number that's unfathomable. And so when they started the search engine, they took that word, change the spelling and saying a search engine where you can answer really an un unfathomable amount of questions and find whatever you're looking for. But here's the reality that we Google anything and everything, right? When really, we can actually go to the source, we can go to the source of the God who made us to better understand the relationships in our lives. And so that's what we're gonna try to do today. And so if you're taking notes, you can write this down that people grow best grow spiritually. When they first connect relationally, people best grow spiritually. When they first connect relationally, we are created to be relational beings in the context of relationship. God himself is a relational being. We have the Trinity. So God, the Father Jesus, the Son and then the Holy Spirit, which means that Jesus and God, the Holy Spirit had perfect relationship before humans ever even came onto the scene. So God created us not to get something that he was lacking, but to share something that he already has. And so he creates us in his image. And as God is relational, we are relational. And so if we want to grow, we have to understand that growth happens in the context of relationships that we need each other. There is a biblical word for relationship and connection found in scripture called fellowship. Now, my Baptist background like embraces this word because you had Bible fellowships, you had potlucks and fellowships. And when I hear the word fellowship, I think casserole, right? Because it's just like midwestern old school church coming in, come on. There needs to be several layers and lots of carbs um happened there. And so, but where does the word fellowship actually mean? I understand it sounds very churchy, but there's actually a Greek word for fellowship that's used 20 times in the New Testament called Coin Ona. And it means by definition is deep partnership with two or more people working together for common good. So Koinonia is, is fellowship or partnership of people gathering together, working together for common good. Now, outside of the church setting, you don't hear fellowship a lot. Maybe you hear like a teaching fellowship and it's still a partnership, right? It's, it's, it's like an apprenticeship kind of thing or this model where I'm doing something together with an organization for a specific purpose where God takes this term to describe healthy relationships. See what I'm doing right now from the stage is a part of church. It's teaching scripture, it's using giftedness and, and it's aligning us together under the word of God. But it's primarily a monologue. I mean, I'm all for dialogue. So if you wanna like Amen and shout back like I'm good with that. Like we can get a little more cultural in here, right? Like I'm just saying that and so we get, we're in here, we're just like open the word, go home. Like you can, you can shout back. I'm good with that. OK. We can have a conversation unless you're heckling. Then I prefer to leave that when we were in our comedy stage days. So yeah, we met in a comedy club for about a year. It was great. We only had one drunk guy come in and heckle me during the service. Uh It was true, actually, Clark was right there. He stood right there in case he went further. But thankfully if you're gonna drunk and heckle somebody at church, uh that's a weird statement to say out loud as I say it. But thankfully, this guy just started shouting random God words. If you remember Clark in there just started shouting. So like I'm preaching and the guy in the back is going yo word. And uh so it could have been worse. So maybe not heckling but talking back and forth. But primarily speaking that when you're listening to a sermon. It's a monologue and that I'm speaking, you're receiving together, we're reading the word of God was actually having a conversation just last week with Kurt who's also in the room here. And we're talking about the value that where real growth happens is when you move from monologue to dialogue, right? And you have conversation when you go from rows to circles, when you go simply from listening to listening and speaking and asking questions and answering and it's face to face, shoulder to shoulder, understanding one another's questions and needs and worries and encouraging one another. There's over 51 other passages in the New Testament to where the church as we know, it is meant to have Konia or fellowship. Let me share a few of these passages with you this morning, one comes from Philippians chapter one verses 3 to 6. Paul's writing to the church in Philippi says, I thank my God. Every time I remember you in all my prayers for you, for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel. That's that word coon. So because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in, you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. In other words, this partnership, this fellowship was God's design that the church is God's plan. A and you didn't come down to earth, live a perfect life, preach some sermons, perform some miracles, die on a cross rise again on the third day to then go. All right. Well, good luck. I mean, it is crazy to think about though. Right? It is crazy to think about because at the end of jesus' ministry of the 12 guys that were most closely connected to him, one betrayed him, one denied him and one doubted him. And that when he died on the cross, even though he told him he was going away and coming back, they hid for their lives. And yet Jesus comes back, reassures them, says, nope, I'm calling you out. You're gonna be my witnesses in Jerusalem, Judea Samaria to the ends of the earth. I'm gonna give you the Holy Spirit. I'm gonna send my power to dwell inside of you that you're gonna change the world that at the end of his ministry, he takes the keys to the kingdom out and says, here you go. My oldest is turning 16 at the end of this year. And I am terrified at this moment right here and there's some nervous laughter for all of you, right? Because we get it right. We get it. But this is exactly what God did to his disciples. The ones who didn't get it says, here you go. I'm gonna use you to change the world. Doctor Joseph Hellerman put it this way. He says long term interpersonal relationships. Are the crucible of genuine progress in the Christian life. People who stay also grow than people who leave do not grow. So, what does fellowship look like? Well, this morning, we're gonna look at three aspects of fellowship because to grow spiritually, you gotta connect relationally. So we're gonna look at the model of fellowship, the mind of fellowship and then the means of fellowship first, the model of fellowship. Now the early church, let me just encourage you is just as messed up as we are. I know that doesn't sound like encouraging. Uh but it does to me because sometimes we think there's this perfect standard and then there's us that we're always falling short. The only perfect standard is Jesus himself because the early church we're gonna read some encouraging words. But I want you to understand something that just a couple of chapters after these encouraging words, some people lie, keep all their stuff get struck down to death. And then it, it, it is kind of starts to fall apart and then the disciples are preaching and not caring for people. And like, ah, we need to add some people. It's like, ok, so they start going and then they have this council where like, ah should we just keep it Jewish people or should we open it up? Right? And then, so they had a council, they said, ok, let's open it up and then they have another council where they're talking and like there's this guy, his name is Paul. He tried to kill us. So we let him in like, yeah. Ok. So then they let Paul in and then, like, he starts planning these churches and these churches are so amazing that he has to keep writing them letters about how messed up they are. Right. The church from the very beginning was messed up. Why? Because it's filled with messy people. You will never find the perfect church. You know why? Because if you go, it won't be perfect anymore. And that's ok. Like I freaked some people out before because when I've had conversation about religion and church, like, oh, John, it's just, I just can't stand the hypocrites in church. I go, I know me too. Christians are the worst. What? I'm so bad and you are too. Like, what, what are you talking about? Well, have you ever told a lie? Well, yeah. Ok. Uh, have you ever stolen anything? Even something small? Yeah. Have you ever been jealous of somebody? Yeah. Ok. I'm hoping you haven't murdered someone. Ok. But imagine if you're in court, right? And the judge says, hey, you're on trial for killing someone and your responsible. Yeah. But it's just one person, right? Like, so one makes you equivalent of that, right? Ok. Well, the Bible actually says that if you hate someone that you're committing murder in your heart, ok. The Bible says don't commit adultery. It says if you ever lost. You actually are committed adultery in your heart. So, have you ever done those things? Well, yeah. Ok. Well, you tell me you're a good person, but in the last 30 seconds you just admitted to me that you're a lying thieving, jealous murderer at lustful adults were at heart. Welcome to church. Ok. See, we're all messed up at a certain level or another, but yet God comes down into our mess and says, I'm still gonna use that. I'm gonna show you what true relationship and fellowship looks like. And so it gives us this model of the early church found in acts chapter two verses 42 to 47 says, and they, and I want you to notice all the plural and all all these words, the plurality and the community centeredness of the church. And they devoted themselves to the apostles teaching. So to the word of God and to fellowship, there's our word Quiana. So they devoted themselves to the word of God and to each other. You see that it says to the breaking of bread and the prayers and he came all came upon every soul and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles and all who believed were together and had all things in common and they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all as any had need. And day by day attending the temple together breaking bread in their homes. They received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God, having favor with all the people and the Lord added to their number day by day, all those who were being saved. Christianity is based in relationships. Theologian Miley Cyrus might tell you that you can buy yourself flowers. Ok. That's great. Ok. But you need other people in your life for community and you just lowered your respect for me because I quoted Miley Cyrus, it's OK. It's OK. Again, none of us are good. OK? But it's true that we live in a culture where I can do what I want, I can do here. I can, I can have value in me and love is love and me is me and I can be and I believe I can fly and like, you know what I mean? That like all these like we just think this is a world that's like, well, I just do whatever I want. You can live that way. But in reality, as we a question we asked last week, how is that working for you? Because you need people in your life. The challenge is is that these people are messy and broken. But what we know is that there is no ideal community but you can experience real community. There is no perfect marriage, but you can experience a real marriage. There is no perfect friend, but you can experience real friendship. There is no perfect church, but you can experience genuine Konia fellowship with one another when we align ourselves with God and we share what we have with one another. This is the picture that Paul paints for us here in his letters that Luke writes here in acts about what the early church looked like that in all their Brokenness and all their issues. What they had in common was their devotion to God and their devotion to each other. Queen O Robert Coleman, the author of the Master plan of evangelism. Put it this way. He said though Jesus did what he could to help the multitudes, he had to devote himself primarily to just a few men rather than the masses in order that the masses could at last be saved. This was the genius of his strategy. It seems counterintuitive, but his strategy was relationship with the very broken people that he was connected to the church is God's plan a that you need people in your life and people need you. Have you ever seen how different friendships pull different things out of different people? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, one friend, they're one way with you and then you add another friend into the mix and it adds a whole another dynamic. Right now, there can be some challenges in that, right? Because if you have, let's say you take you have two people, right? And within two people, then let's make that dynamic. So two times two, so there's say four degrees. If you will of different dynamics, you can have in relationship. You add one person to the mix, you didn't go to six degrees. Now you add, now you have nine things that can happen, right? You add one to the mix. Now there's four people. It's, you know, actually kind of scale. Now there's 16 different things that can happen as that, it kind of expands out and so we pull different things out of each other, good and bad, right? But the model is the church, the bride of Christ, the body of Christ that we need each other as a gathering, the Iglesia, a gathering of called out people. We describe last week, the church as five things we said it was a movement on a message or with a message on a mission modeled by Jesus, motivated by love, right? Church is a movement because it's not simply a building but a a gathering of people on with a purpose. And our message isn't just how bad people become good, but how dead people become alive through the power of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. That if Jesus can come back from the dead, he can forgive your sin and you can have eternal life with him and a meaningful life right now and armed with that message, then we've been given the mission to go making disciples, baptizing them, right? Plural baptizing them and the father, son and the Holy spirit teaching them to obey all that I've commanded you. So we're making disciples who make disciples aligning our life with God. Then modeled by Jesus, modeled by Jesus and then motivated by love. He doesn't say that the world will know you based on how many Bible verses you can quote, the world will know you by how well your shirt is tucked in and your hair is slicked back. The world will know you how judgmental you can be of everybody on the outside. No, the world will know you by what, how you love one another. And he goes further and says, actually, John 36 John 13, after he watched the disciples feet, he says, actually, I want you to love people the way I have loved you. So the church is a movement with a message on a mission modeled by Jesus and motivated by love. This is the model of fellowship. Next, let's take a look at the mind of fellowship. The mind of fellowship is found in Philippians chapter two verses 1 to 5, Paul's writing to that church there in Philippi. He writes therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any Kinon here translated common sharing. It's the same word for fellowship. If you have any coin nia in the spirit and if any tenderness and compassion then make my joy complete by being like minded, having the same love being in one spirit and of one mind, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but rather in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interests of others in your relationships with one another have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. It's such a huge verse there in your relationships have the same mind as Jesus. This means that the key to healthy relationships is humility. The key to healthy relationships is humility. To quote CS Lewis humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less meaning to be humble doesn't mean to be EEO woe is me victim who I'm humble. I'm the worst. Like that's not humility. Actually, self pity is the backside of the coin of pride. See pride says, look at me, pride in the form of self pity says, look at me and we do it all the time, don't we? Ok? If you just, you don't have to show raise your hand. But if you've had a bad day or someone does something to you, what do you immediately do? We go and tell everybody, don't we? Oh You won't believe it. Oh This person's the worst. Why? Like we love to do that? It's human nature. Ok? But if you wanna have a healthy relationship, once you get done, kind of verbally venting or vomiting your feelings, like I, I do it right? Connect just don't stay there OK. The Bible says actually, if you want a true relationship, be humble, not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less often. You're not saying whoa is me? You're saying how can I help you? What do you need? What are the needs in your relationship? It's not about me. And can you imagine the friendship that comes when two people put each other's needs ahead of each other? Can you imagine the marriage, the church when you gather? OK, John, but who really was humble. The very next part of that passage says, oh, you know who is humble, Jesus, who humbled himself to the point of the cross. It says now have that mindset. If we want to grow in our relationships. If we wanna have coin Onia, we have to humble ourselves and think what does the other person need? Barbara Johnson put it this way, says, never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved. Never let a problem to be solved, become more important than a person to be loved. That's why we say commonly around here to choose people over process processes are important. Policies are important. But as soon as that takes the priority over a person, we've missed it, right? So the model of fellowship is people that ha that looked out for each other and all our Brokenness came together. The mindset of fellowship is to be humble, put the needs of the person next to you in front of your own. And lastly, we're gonna take a look here at the means of fellowship. How is this even possible? How is this even possible? From first John chapter one, the Apostle John writes this. He says, this is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you that God is light in Him. There is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship, there's that word. If we claim to have Quin o'neal with God with Him and yet walk in darkness, we lie and we do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another in the blood of Jesus. His son purifies us from all. Sin. Goes on two verses later in verse nine and say that if we confess our sins, that He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, here's where I take this passage to me that sin grows in isolation and in darkness. But love grows in community and in light. Ok? If God can't touch your salvation, or if Satan can't touch, touch your salvation, he's gonna try to distract you. He's gonna try to destroy you and he's gonna try to isolate you and divide you to be pulled apart and alone. When do people commit the most sins at night alone, pulled away? And then it's a cycle, right? Because you, you sin and then you feel shame and you feel guilt over it. Guilt is to say I've done something wrong. Shame is to say I am wrong and that pulls you away from people. And now that hidden area of your life starts to grow and you think I, I don't, I can't be near people. But when you're pulled back and you're away from people and you're isolated in your darkness, you're allowing Satan to win. Everything's scarier in the dark, right? You can go through your living room during the day, get something from the fridge and I'm realizing a lot of my analogies involve food. So sorry. Also not, sorry. It's, it's great actually, just so, you know, in the gospel of Luke with Jesus food is mentioned 50 times. Someone once described Jesus as either going to a meal at a meal or leaving a meal. Be like Jesus Amen. All right. Where was I? If you go to grab something from your fridge during the day, no issue, right? If you ever go to grab something from your fridge at night, right? Like you walk in the hallway, you're bumping into stuff like you hear a creaky noise. You're like, what is that? I like, I love being here at the church. Uh I've been here at the church when no one else is here and I've turned the lights off and I haven't left yet. All of a sudden the church feels real creepy, real fast. You know what I'm talking about? Have you ever been in a building? You know what it is it like? Like, why, why? Because Satan loves darkness and he loves isolation. Look, when you're alone with God, that's called solitude. When you're alone with your own sin and shame, that's called isolation. There's a difference. But if you walk into the light as Jesus is in the light, you actually the result is fellowship with each other. If you ever been in a dark, cold space and you step into the warmth of the sunlight, it feels so good, doesn't it? I'm not talking like the scorching sun, like in the Super Mario brothers where it's trying to kill you. Like, that's like coming in July here in Arizona, but it's a dry heat. So, anyway, um, I'm talking about though, like, when you're freezing and it's cold and you step out into the warmth and you can see it and you can feel it and you're like, ah, that feeling is Konia to walk in the light with Jesus that in turn you walk in the light with each other. I've shared this before, but it's one of the best pictures I can think of is that when you picture the band out here playing, when they tune their instruments to the same standard, they become in tune with each other in the same way when you tune your life to the values and principles of God, we become in tune with each other. I've taken mission trips throughout the years to different parts of the country where people live very differently than us speak different language, have different experiences. But yet when you center on the word of God, all of a sudden, you feel like you've known them your whole life and you've been on a trip, you understand what I'm saying? And the beauty of the gospel is you can go anywhere in the world where the gospel is preached and feel connected with a brother and sister in Christ Dan Spader. Put it this way. He in his book walk like Jesus, he says, it can often be said that people who are concentrating on a focused strategy of uh often pursue their goals to the detriment of their relationships. But the remarkable thing about Jesus was that relationships were his strategy. If you picture kids building blocks at home, right? What is siblings especially like to do? They like to knock over the ceilings tower just to build their own, right? We do that as adults too. But what's so helpful to realize is that you don't have to build your tower with somebody else's blocks. Somebody else doesn't have to lose in order for you to win in life that when we are in fellowship with God, we can be in fellowship with each other and it changes things. So what does that look like? Healthy fellowship really has shared or common DNA. Healthy Quinon has healthy DNA first. What we see is that a healthy fellowship helps you discover truth. And it's not just discover your truth, it's discover the truth, right? You can share the hidden areas of your life, but also they can point out the blind spots in your life that we need each other to discover the truth of Jesus in our lives. Second thing, healthy fellowship will help you do is that it will help you nurture relationships or nurture love Jesus when he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead in John chapter 11, the first thing he does when he sees people crying is he weeps with them. You know, you don't always need to quote a Bible verse to somebody when they're hurting, right? Sometimes you can just show up, I'm here for you. That's what God does for us, right? So discover the truth, nurture, love and relationship. And the last thing he healthy fellowship does is that it helps a firm mission. It's great to validate feelings. But how powerful is it to walk with someone out of a situation through a situation, to meet the needs of others and to make a difference in this world, every person that I've seen do something great. And 20 plus years of ministry has shared with me. So and so saw something in me, a teacher, a coach, a friend, a parent who looks someone in the eye like Wow. I think God has called you. I think God has gifted you. So I think too often churches try to put good things on people that when you read scripture, what you find is that healthy relationship pulls God's stuff out of people. Man. God made you for a reason. God gifted you. God called you. I think you're amazing. Let's do this together because people grow spiritually when they first connect relationally, we are not a perfect church. And as evidenced by the random references, I quote in sermons, I'm not a perfect pastor, but we serve a perfect God and together we can be a real church and a real community. And so I wanna invite you into real fellowship because you experience that. I think it's gonna change your life. Let's pray dear God to thank you for who you are. Thank you for being a relational God giving us the keys of the kingdom and saying com multiply that help us to connect relationally, to discover your truth found in your word, to nurture love and relationship, to care for one another, to be there for one another in our hard times, to lift each other up and again, I mean, we have firm mission and calling and purpose in each other's lives to encourage each other so that we can go out into this world to make a difference for your kingdom and for your name, God, we desire to have genuine Quinon fellowship now you love your God. And so, and we pray. Amen.