A few months ago, there was a story that went viral of a little toddler named Logan. Logan was born with not the greatest of eyesight. And it's hard to, to really tell when a baby or an infant can't see clearly and, but the parents noticed something was a little off. And so as he became a toddler, they, they took him to the doctor, eye doctor and they recognized that he actually needed some focal correction. And, and so they made these little glasses, if you've seen toddlers with glasses, they're the cutest thing ever. They have the little plastic thing that kinda uh goes over top. And so they, they made it especially for him. And as they were putting the glasses on, he started to fight it as toddlers do, right? They, they fight everything. If you try to put anything jacket, clothes, shoes on a toddler, they immediately try to take it off, right? And so he was fussing and he was fighting like, what is this? Why are you like, you know, trapping me with this thing on my head? But the cutest thing happened is that they got the goggles over his eyes. And he looked up and he saw his mom for the first time check out this expression. And that's so cute that when he put the glasses on for the first time, he could see his mom clearly. And the reason I share that story with you is that we've been through this series entitled Your Primal Question and The Heartbeat Behind it is that we want you to see yourself and the people in your life just a little more clearly through the lens of scripture, through the lens of how God made you. And through the lens of understanding your primal question, we've been using as a church, a resource. These last couple of weeks I created by a Christian counselor named Mike Foster. The book is called Seven Primal Questions. It is a psychology type book. It's a Christian counselor and really through research, he over 6000 hours of counseling appointments as well as 22 different small groups and years of research. Seven questions kept coming to the surface and, and really ties to scripture. And the basic premise is this is that you were created in the image of God. And in that creation, there are seven primal questions of your soul that you're trying to get answered. Yes. And all seven are important. But at some point in your childhood or in your teens or maybe even early twenties, there's been a, an event, a trauma or maybe just a series of small things that add up together where one question comes to the surface and that you spend a majority of your life trying to get that one question answered. Yes. Now, what is that question? Well, there is a QR code at the bottom of your notes. You can also visit the website Primal question.com or scan that code to take the assessment. But the idea here is that if you get that question answered, yes, life is great. If the question comes back with a no or a maybe you then enter into what the author calls the scramble. And that is your anxiety and stress response. How do you respond? Do you become a workaholic? Do you hyper fixate on something? Do you try to people, please? Do you try to control people or situations in your life? Do is it a fight or flight mentality? Do you distract yourself with shopping or scrolling or sports or drama or other people's drama that most likely when you respond to the stressors in your life, it's most likely coming from a place that your primal question is not being answered with a yes. So what are the seven primal questions as a way of review? Here they are. Question number one is, am I safe? Question number two is, am I secure? Question number three is am I loved? Question four. Am I wanted question five. Am I successful? Question six. Am I good enough? And question seven, do I have purpose. Now, I invite you to go back and watch or listen to weeks one and two because they build on each other. So week one was an overview. Week two was about how it impacts our relationships and marriage. And now in week three, as we wrap up the series, we're gonna talk about primal questions and the workplace. And even if you're not in a working setting, what we're gonna talk about today is super practical. And so think about it as how does this impact your team? Maybe it's sports, maybe it's the classroom, maybe it's your small group, maybe it's in the neighborhood uh that wherever you find yourself in a circle of people, I think today's discussion will be applicable to you. And so why do we talk about this? Well, if you're taking notes, you can write this down that healthy teams are built on trust, healthy teams are built on trust in preparation for this message. An idea kind of struck me from scripture and that is we talk so often in church about how we're called to trust God, right? Believe in Jesus follow Jesus, for example, John 14 1, Jesus in the upper room tells his belief, tells the disciples trust in God trust also in me. And so it's commonplace to talk about putting your trust or faith in Jesus. But what struck me in preparation for this week is that the reverse is also true. Not only are we called to trust God. But for whatever reason, God trusted us, God trusted the disciples. My oldest is 15, which means next year he's gonna start driving and that's terrifying. Right? And many in this room have gone through that process. Right? You're thinking he doesn't put his laundry away and yet I'm gonna give him keys to a vehicle and just say good luck in the world. And some of you are still thinking about that terrifies you to give it to your 25 year old. And in the first hour, someone said, and 75 year old and it was like the mom was sitting next to him, I guess it's kind of full circle, right? You're terrified of driving, you drive and then you, your family becomes terrified of you driving again, right? But isn't it crazy to think about that when Jesus told the disciples that he was going to leave, come lives a perfect life dies on the cross rises again on the third day. And he's gonna leave, literally hands them the keys to the kingdom and say, I'm gonna use you to change the world and as terrified as parents are to give their teenagers keys to the car. How crazy is it? To think that Jesus gave the keys to the kingdom to the disciples, the ones who messed up uneducated fishermen or tax collector or doctor, all this mixed group and said, you're gonna change the world. I trust you. Isn't that crazy to think about what is trust? Well, I have a doctorate in ministry and leadership and my dissertation actually was why is it that organizations, in my case, churches grow and, and really what came to light was that organizations that build cultures of trust and empowerment really lead to transformational change and growth. Now, after service, if you want to nerd out on dissertation stuff, I'm happy to chat with you on this so I can go real deep real fast but let's keep it to scripture and practical cause I wanna give you some stuff to take with you on Monday. OK. And so what is the definition of trust? Trust is the confidence in somebody's competency and character? It's your confidence in somebody's competence and character and I separate those two qualities because sometimes you can trust somebody with one but not the other, right? Maybe there's somebody at work that you trust their competency, they're gonna get things done, but you wouldn't trust that person with a secret, you know what I mean? And then there's people who are just the nicest people in the world that you trust them with your life, but you would not give that project to that person, right? Because sometimes confidence doesn't work in every area, right? Like I can inspire or put an ill time, sarcastic joke in there with you and make you laugh. But but if you need your car fixed, don't talk to me on that, like I'm just gonna break something, right? And so you have different areas of your life. And so that's why trust on a team is you wanna trust both someone's competence and character if you're working together. And so how do you build trust? I think the number one way to build trust in your team is do you answer your team member's primal question with a yes. Do you understand that how God uniquely made them? And do you answer their primal question with a yes. If you do, you will build a culture of trust. How does this play out? For example, if someone on your team is a Q one, am I safe? A Q one doesn't want negative surprises last minute changes. And so if you're if you have a Q one on your team, the question is OK. Are you planned out in advance? Do you have it laid out? Right? Do you have this idea of uh of let's execute this together? The other thing is to a Q one will come to you at a higher level of urgency with something than you might think of it, right? Someone might come to you. This is a level eight issue and you might be thinking this is a level three issue. And the reason is because they're worried about the safety of the organization, the safety or execution. Does this technology work? Does this plan work? Is the building locked up is everything wired? Are we efficient in all these things? Why? Because you want, you want this to work out together or maybe it's relational and you say, do you know what's going on? You want to make people feel safe? See, we talked about this in the first two weeks that your primal question can be turned into a statement which is your primal truth, which leads to your primal gift. And so if you have a Q one on your team, that person does really well at making the space function accordingly to complete a space or to make somebody else feel safe within a setting. Now, if you have a Q two on your team, then you might have questions like is there a budget? Are there boundaries? What is the goal? Is there a spreadsheet? Right? They wanna know why? Because they want something stable and secure. Both of these things are great. If you have a Q three, A Q three is am I loved, which again their gift, you turn that into a gift is that they make other people feel loved. And so a Q three wants to be heard, seen and known. In other words, do you affirm all the positive that's going on? Do you listen to their opinions, their thoughts, their feelings that they can feel connected, so then you can move to a task. Because if you ignore that, if there's, if there's no conversation, if there's indifference then that's when A Q three is gonna put walls up. OK? A Q four am I wanted that person's going to really want to be included in the process. That person's gonna wanna collaborate on decision making. They wanna know how the bread is made, so to speak, right? They don't want to just see the cake displayed in the front of the bakery. They wanna be invited to the kitchen in the back. So, a way to think about this is that if you're in a place of leadership, where can you give a team member a vote? And where can you give a team member a voice? So if there's the ability to give them a vote or be included in on the process, they're gonna feel empowered and even in places where they don't have a vote, can you at least give them a voice? So just simply ask the question, what do you think will greatly build trust with that person who is a Q four other things too where if they want to be included and they send you an email or a text? If you don't respond to that, they might feel, oh, well, I'm not wanted. My opinions are not wanted when, when you realize, well, I was just distracted with something over here. A Q four is gonna take that differently. So, understanding where these come into play uh Q five successful. Um the idea here is that, do you create a winnable game. Do you create a winnable game? This is the person that wants to know the syllabus the first day of class. This is the person that is this gonna be on the test, right? They want to know why? Because they want to get the a they wanna, they wanna get the win. What is the win? Where if somebody is just relationally connected? Am I safe? Am I loved? Am I connected? Versus where's the scoreboard? Are we winning? Right? So can you create the scoreboard for your employee, for your team member? Describing what their role does? What a win looks like for that person? Because if you do that, you'll just unleash a high achiever and let them go. But if you don't share a winnable or create the target or the game, they're going to feel a sense of anxiousness, right? A little bit with that is uh Q six. Am I good enough? Is that when you thank somebody? Do you thank them specifically for things, right? A Q six will hear a thank you. That was great today. Their first thought is gonna be what was great today and it's not, it's not bad, it's just they wanna know specifically what was great. So they can feel good enough, right? And some of these things with these questions because I was getting some questions in the lobby and during the week, sometimes people have more than one question. And so when you merge these together. So for example, if you take someone who is successful or question, am I successful with it, am I wanted? And you merge that? What you understand is that people want to be affirmed in what they do and then also affirmed in who they are. And if you can recognize that it makes a huge difference. And then the last one is uh do I have purpose? That's my question. And I was able to realize that growing up in every sports team and in every staff meeting that I was in, I was always asking the question, why, why does this matter? Why are we doing that? Do we need to do that? Why? Why? Why? Because I want to have significance, I want to make a difference. And then also how I was wired is and maybe some would relate to with me on this and maybe not that because my value is significant. What I do is I'll walk in naturally and I, most people see nine things that are going correct. My mind immediately sees the one thing that is wrong and I'll just blurt it out. Anyone do this with me. And my reasoning is because I want it to be the best, right? I want to make a difference. And so I value the other nine things, but I will just point out the one thing that we could do better because then we could make more of a difference and reach more people and change the world, right? Like that's how I'm wired. But do you see where different questions might cause conflict? Right. So I've had to learn personally to get better at affirming the things that I see that are positive or checking in with the emotions to see if somebody feels safe and heard and seen because my wi Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But let's do this. See. You wanna, you wanna answer these questions with a yes. You wanna answer these questions? Why? Because you're gonna build a stronger team? Why does this matter? All of that was way of instruction? But why does this matter? Well, mark chapter 12 verse 3031 Jesus is speaking. He says, you shall love the Lord, your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind and all your strength that's really seen as the Shema described in Deuteronomy chapter six. It's something Jewish people cited every day and even Christians a lot of times cite every day, right? Makes sense. Love the Lord your God with all that you are. But then notice what he says here. Verse 31. The second is this that you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Therefore, no other commandment is greater than these. This means that Jesus elevates our relationship with people to our relationship with God. The reason this matters because how you treat people is an act of worship. You ever been surprised to find out that someone is a Christian. You know what I'm talking about? Like, this person is just, like, all over the map and what they do and, and they're just a jerk and they use a lot of language that doesn't seem like praise. Um, and then they talk like, oh, yeah, I go to church. Like what, what? And if you don't have that person, it might be you. Um just saying and while I'm grateful for the grace of God, none of us deserve salvation. What we should do though is recognize that how we treat people in our workplace on our teams is a direct reflection of how we view and treat God. So there are people that have never stepped foot in this church that are judging this church based on how you treat people. This is why relationships matter. This is why we're going down this route of understanding our primal questions because we are made in his image. Paul writes this in Colossians chapter three, verse 23 to 24. It's whatever you do work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. Knowing that from the Lord, you will receive inheritance as you reward for. You are serving the Lord Christ. Jesus is speaking in Matthew five and he says these words in verse 16 in the same way, let your light shine before others so that they may see your good works and give glory to your father who is in heaven. Why does this matter? Because how you work is an act of worship. How you do anything is a reflection of how you do everything. I had somebody come and talk to me one time and they said John, I'm just so frustrated because there's no Christians where I work. And at first I was validating her feelings because that can be tough. It can be very difficult to be in a place when you feel surrounded, right? But then all of a sudden I had to start and I asked the question, wait, so there's no Christians where you work. He says, yeah, there's no Christians where I work. He says, don't you work there? It's like, yeah, I said, what if God placed you there on purpose to shine light and to give people a picture of what the Gospel looks like and what church looks like without ever stepping foot in the four walls of a building. Why does understanding people matter? Because how you treat people is an act of worship and how you work is an act of worship. What you do Monday should be connected to what we talk about and pray through and sing about on Sunday. And we're not perfect. But let us take the challenge that God gave us the keys. And as a Q seven myself, I can tell you, God gave us the keys to go change the world. And so how are you turning your question into a gift? How are you making people feel safe? How are you making people feel secure? How are you making people feel loved and wanted and successful and good enough in helping people identify and find their purpose? Let's get practical here. Let's get real practical. I wanna share with you two passages and break them down because scripture actually has a lot to say how we're to treat each other. Paul's writing to the church in Galatia here in Galatians chapter six verses one through five. And he says, brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness, keep watch on yourself lest you to be tempted. Now, pause for a second notice there that the word restore and gentleness are in the same sentence. Sometimes people choose one or the other, right? In the name of love. They don't say anything at all. Right. I'm just being gentle and then un peop other people love the restore and they're like hot restore Center. They're connected, right? In other places, Jesus talks about speaking truth in love, not truth with a hammer, right? Not truth with a stick of dynamite. Like you know those people come on. Right. I'm just being real. Hi. You can serve it nicely. OK? When, when a waiter brings a meal out, ok. He doesn't just chuck things except for there's one restaurant in Missouri where they I think it's called Lambert. So they throw rolls from the kitchen. Have you been there? Anyone heard of that? It's awesome. They go through Kyle in the back, they say rolls. If you wanna roll, you throw your hand up and they chuck it from the kitchen. Ok. That's fun for roles. And if you can catch, um, that's not good for restoring relationships where people from the side, like, can I, can I ask a question? Has anyone ever actually been restored? Because somebody they didn't know, posted something on social media? Oh, well, if all of these people think this, I should change my ways. No, go to the person, right? Go to them gently for the purpose of restoration. Not to prove that you're better than he says, hey, hey, you because notice this next verse or the next two verses because then it says, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ for if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself, right? If you're calling out someone's sin and then you're carrying the weight of their situation, it might be easy to feel like, oh, I'm glad I'm not them. So the next verse is, and by the way, if you think you're something, let me tell you, you're not says he deceives himself verse four, but let each one test his own work and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor for each will have to bear his own load. My daughter got a new bike yesterday. It's a big day in the life of a kid. Right. I got a new bike riding around is fun. So we had to pull out the other bikes, which we haven't ridden forever. Right. We had to do that and then we pull the bike out and it wouldn't go anywhere. Why? Because the tires were flat. Right. So I had to put air in the tires. It doesn't matter how nice the bike is. If you don't have air in the tires, it's not going anywhere. Right. Well, from this passage, it's getting super practical here. I wanna help put air in the tires for you. I understand that if you want to have a healthy relationship as a Christian with other believers, but you can even take some of these principles and take it into your workplace onto your sports team into the classroom. You need these three components for healthy relationships directly pulled from this passage. Ok. First thing, first thing from verse number one is you need accountability. You need accountability. If you look at great sports teams or great businesses, what they have in common is that the team members hold each other accountable to a high standard because you're not doing so to get ahead of somebody else, but rather to lift one another up. And so accountability starts with you. Do you do what you say you're going to do, do the people in your organization do what they say they're gonna do if you do that, guess what, you start to build trust but not only do you need accountability. The second thing when he says, bear one another's burdens is that you need intercession, you need to lift each other up. I don't know how the math works exactly. But studies show that if you take it like a horse or an animal or an oxen and then you put another one with it, they actually can pull more weight than what they can individually pull added together. Does that make sense? Right. So one might be able to pull a ton, the other one might be able to pull a ton. So you think, oh, together, they can pull four. When in reality, they can actually pull eight. Why? Because they're actually lifting each other's burdens up. Is there somebody in your life that you can care for? Ok, that you can pray for that you can meet a physical need. Bring a meal, send a text, pick up the kids confirm that you're picking up their kids first. That might be a little awkward. Hey, I picked up your kids for you. Wait. What? Right. Can you meet a physical need? Can you help carry the heaviness of a burden from somebody else? And then the last thing for healthy relationships is you have to take responsibility for yourself. You can't play the victim card. You have to own whatever it is you are called to do. So what happens though when you have a team that takes accountability fractions has intercession, lift each other up and then takes individual responsibility for what they're called to do. Oh, that's a healthy team. That's healthy relationships. And for those that like little gimmicks that spells air by the way because you need the air and the tires to go anywhere. You need accountability, you need intercession, you need responsibility. Now, I know what some people might be thinking. Ok, John, but you haven't met my team. There's dysfunction. See scripture actually has a lot to say about conflict too. James chapter four verses 1 to 8 reads what causes quarrels and fights among you. Is it not that your passions are at war within you, you desire and you do not have so you murder you covet and cannot obtain. So you fight and quarrel you do not have because you do not ask you ask and do not receive because you ask wrongly and spend it on your passions. Oh, you adulterous people. Do you not know that friendship with the world is in and t with God? Therefore, whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God? Or do you suppose it no purpose that the scripture says he yearns jealously over the spirit that he made to dwell in us. But He gives us more grace. Therefore, it says God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble, submit yourselves. Therefore, to God, resist the devil and He will flee. You draw near to God and He will draw near to you, cleanse your hands, you sinners and purify your hearts, you double minded. That's an uplifting passage, right? But what I like is, it's very honest and very realistic. So let's take that same passage and make it super practical for your Monday. Ok. First thing, there are four sources of conflict that we see from this passage. First source of conflict is actually with yourself. You wanna know your most troubling employee is you, right? How many of us are having conflicts within our own heads or own hearts or based on our own desires starts with us? Second level of conflict is that is with others. So why do you fight with other people so you can have conflict with others? But then it goes further and it says actually if you choose the world, you're, you're having a fight with God. If you're going to be friends with the world, you're gonna be an enemy of God because those paths, those values are gonna be very different. And the last one, if you try to follow God, you're gonna be attacked by Satan himself and we don't have time to dive deeper into that, but just understand that we are in a spiritual battle. And so next conflict you have, you got to think, OK. Is it with, is this within me? Is this with others? Is this with God or am I being spiritually attacked here by Satan? Ok. So those are four sources of conflict. But then there's four types of conflict. It's four types. Number one, there is visible conflict. So this conflict that's seen the number two, there is invisible conflict. You ever walked into a room and just felt the tension that's invisible conflict. Yeah. Third type of conflict is there is conscious, conscious, you are aware and in fact all parties are aware but then leads to the fourth type of conflict is unconscious. This happens when and you can combine these two things, you can actually make a little grid out of it, right? Someone, someone can be visible and conscious or visible and unconscious. Meaning not both people are unaware. Have you ever done something to where you made your spouse or loved one mad? And you have no idea what you did? OK. Be unconscious, you unaware, right. So can you do this? You can actually bring it into awareness. We're gonna get to this solving conflict in just a second. But what are the possible outcomes? What are the possible outcomes? Well, the first one is the extreme, this is called lose, lose. This is when the silent treatment on both sides, when the walls go up, both parties pull away. And it's if I can't win. You can't win. No one's gonna win and there's just an increasing gap within the relationship. Right. Well, you don't want that. So then the next option is called lose, win. And that's when you just, in the name of just moving forward. You, well, I just, people, please. Ok, you win. Do you have people in your life or maybe you yourself have felt like you've been a doormat that people walked over. It's because you chose this option. OK? But it's not healthy long term, but neither is the reverse which is win, lose. These are the bullies in the relationship, right? Do you know you can win an argument and lose a relationship? Do you want to win the fight or do you want to win the person because we want to win the person? The goal is to be what we call win, win, the relationship is restored. Even if there's disagreement on a topic, they can move forward together. There's mutual love and respect and it kind of moves forward. Let me give you a two phrases that will help you. The first one is I will or I feel when sorry, I feel when in other words, you're not going second person, you're staying first person, you're not getting historical listing, everything going on. You're staying in the present moment, you're not getting hysterical because you're getting louder. You're not using superlatives. You always, you never, right. It's, you know, when you said this. I feel I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel want, right? Bring the primal questions into it, right? It's personal. And the second phrase that'll help you is help me understand, right? You did this, you did, you said that help me understand. That's a lot nicer way than saying, why did you do that? Right? Help me understand. Last thing is shared by a guy named Doctor Roger Ball, had him in a seminary class. He was the closest thing to Mr Rogers I've ever met literally taught in a sweater. Uh Yet he's got a wrestling background. So you don't want to make him mad. And when he wanted to make a point, his voice actually got quieter. Have you ever named those people? Right, man, a few words. But when he spoke, you just kind of lean in and he gave our class, this thing that I want to share with you and it's a three legged table of trust and it's three legs because if one of them falls, whatever's on the table will fall. You need all three for it. So the first leg of the three legged table of Truss is honesty. Are you being honest with a person in your relationship? You might have to go to an employee this week and say, hey, I gotta have a hard conversation. Are you being direct? Second leg that table picture whatever conflict you have on the top of this table? OK. Second leg here are, is transparency. Are you being honest? But then secondly, are you being open? Are you being open with people? Are you, are you, are you letting people in? Are you allowing them to speak? You speak freely even if it hurts? If you do those first two things, let me tell you what you're gonna need 100% of the time is that third leg is grace. Grace is never deserved, but it can be given and it can be received. And it starts with us. Remembering that at some point, God gave us the keys to the kingdom and trusted us. So imagine with me, if you combine some of these resources, if you had a team where you were honest, you were transparent, that you had grace for each other, that you held each other accountable, that you intercessor for one another's needs. But then took responsibility for your own stuff, man. I'll tell you that what that'll do is that'll build trust and healthy teams are built on trust. It starts with God and moves to us and that how we treat people and how we work is an act of worship. So what if we treated people the way Jesus treated us? Let's build that trust on our teams this week. Will you pray with me dear heavenly Father? Thank you for giving us someone to trust in. But God also thank you for trusting us. You made us in your image that we are all wired differently. So help us to answer the primal questions through you. Because through you, Jesus, we are safe, we are secure, we are loved, we are wanted, we are good enough, we are successful and we have purpose because everything comes from you. And so through that God, we can go and help others experience that grace, that freedom, that purpose, that love that we found through you. Thank you for trusting us. Help us to build trust in our workplace on our teams in our relationships. To hold each other accountable, to intercessor each other's needs to take responsibility where we need to go to be honest and transparent and filled with gray guy. Because if we do that at its simplest form, when we treat people the way that you have treated us, because if we do that, God, the world can change, your light can shine and lives can be transformed. We love you and your sons and we pray amen.