What would it take to get 10% better in your relationships this week? Think about your relationships, spouse, kids, workplace friends. What would it look like if your relationships improve by at least 10%? This week? I think there would be an improvement in the quality of life all around. Now, I can't put this specific number on what it might do into your life. And it's kinda hard to quantify quality. But what I can tell you is that what we're gonna talk about today, almost 100% improve your relationships. And the reason that's important is because understanding people will empower your life and theirs, understanding the people in your life will empower your life personally, as well as the life of everybody around you. See the great commandment in which Jesus is speaking there in Mark 12 verse 3031. The first part of that is to love the Lord, your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. But then the second part is then to love others as yourself, Jesus will then take it a step further. And then John 13 says to love others as he has loved us. And so that when we love others better, if we get better at our relationships, it is actually seen as an act of worship. And when we get better in our relationships and understanding how we are wired and how the people in our life are wired, we can actually honor God and how we treat people. So that's the goal here in these three weeks is that it's a little shift from our normal. We're gonna work through a book of the Bible here for most of the spring. But we want to start the new Year by focusing on that second part of the great commandment of how can we love one another. How can we understand how we are made and how the people in our life are wired so that we can better serve and love each other. And when we do that, we do so as an act of worship. So along with preaching through scripture, we're using a resource that we recommend to you. It's called Seven Primal Questions. It's written by a Christian counselor named Mike Foster and they offer a, it's a great book. You can find it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble different places there. But even if you don't want to buy the book, there is a free assessment that we talked through last week. So it's a three week series where in week two, I invite you to go back and listen to or watch uh week one of the series because it all go together. But there is a free primal question assessment. And really this really where this comes down to is just every single person in the room has been imprinted in early childhood, late teens, maybe early twenties. Somewhere in that range, something has happened in your life or a series of events that then has you ask a primal question like a need of the soul if you will and you spend the rest of your life trying to get that question answered? Yes. And when the question does come back as a yes, you feel great when the question comes back as a no, you head into what the author describes as a scramble. Which another way to think about that is how do you respond to stress? Right? How do you respond to anxiety? Do you go into people pleasing mode? Do you go to fight or flight? Do you go to trying to control somebody else or another situation? Do you go to purchasing stuff that you don't need? Right. Is there like there's responses and what we do in our anxious and stressful moments that's called the scramble. And then if you don't even want to go into that situation, what we do to distract ourselves, whether it's scrolling, whether it's sports, whether it's somebody else's drama. Hello? And I go through whatever you do to distract yourself, that's called a primal avoidance. And so the seven primal questions. We're gonna walk through these again and talk about how they impact their relationships. But the seven questions in form of review is this, it's am I safe? Am I safe? Second question Q two is, am I secure? The third one is, am I loved. The fourth one here is, am I wanted the fifth one? Is, am I successful? The sixth one is, am I good enough? And then question number seven is, do I have a purpose? So those are the seven primal questions here. The reality is, is that you do want all seven in your life, right? And so there's a reason you might think, well, I kind of this one, I'm kind of this one, you need all seven, but which one comes first in your particular list? In other words, which one are you trying to answer first in your list? Because then we shared last week that there's really a three step process to using your primal question. The first part is discover your primal question. What is it that triggers you? What is it that you try to answer? Maybe talk through with your loved ones? If you don't want to take the assessment, maybe talk through and see? OK, how am I wired? What gets me motivated? What, what are my priorities? Right? And once you discover your primal question, that leads to the second step that you can actually turn that question into a truth statement, which is then declare your primal truth. You see all seven questions are firmly answered in Jesus Christ and that you don't have to search for that, but that you actually have all things for Godliness. Peter tells us in his letter in, in first Peter chapter one that, that we have everything that we need for God through our relationship with Jesus. So you don't have to ask the question. Am I safe? You can actually declare I am safe. You don't have to ask. Am I wanted? You can say I am wanted. You don't have to ask, do I have purpose? You can ask, you can actually declare through Christ, I have purpose. And so it takes your question that you then gives you the ability to declare your primal truth, which then leads to that third step to develop your primal gift. The same question that you try to answer in your own life is the relational superpower that you can invest and build into the lives of others, right? If you're trying to answer the question in my safe, you most likely have the relational capital and ability to help other people feel safe in my case where I, I'm a Q seven instead of asking the question, do I have purpose through my relationship with Jesus? I can realize I do have purpose in everything. I'm not searching for it, but rather I'm driven by it. So then I can spend my time and my energy helping other people discover the purpose that they find in Christ. And so you turn a question into the truth into your gifting. OK. Now, walking through this last week and having many conversations with people, I realized that when you bring up a primal question, a lot of times it comes from a difficult situation in your past. And so I wanna take a few moments here and before we talk about relationships themselves, and I wanna actually address the challenges that come with identifying your primal question. See, there's a good moment, it might come from a series of events or maybe a few little things that add up, but for some, it might actually come from trauma or a troubling past. And so if you came in here today and you feel like you're struggling, if you feel like you're asking questions and, and you got some pain and some hurt in your life, I wanna encourage you with a few thoughts. OK? First is that I want to encourage you to make a mind shift. You're not broken, you're healing. It's a simple verbiage change, but it really does make all the same uh make all the difference because it's the same situation, but a different viewpoint. See, Brokenness describes what happened to you in the past. Brokenness describes what you did in the past. Now, there still might be ripples and echoes of effects and consequences that still resonate in your presence. But you are not forever broken, but as soon as you are broken, the healing process can begin. As I was praying through this material this week, God gave me one thought that I hadn't really given much attention to. Is that, did you know that even Jesus has wounds? Jesus was nailed to the cross, was buried and then rose again. And when he rose, he could have risen as a perfect body. But what was interesting is that what you find in the gospel of John chapter 20 verse 27 is that the scars remained in his hands. So that when Thomas who's known as doubting Thomas questioned whether or not it was Jesus, he said, no, look at the scars, look at the wounds, they're still there. And so Jesus is forever wounded, but he is not defined by his wounds, but rather the fact that he is victorious over them. And so what that means for us, the fact that we've begun the healing process is that your scars might describe your past, but they do not decide your present and they do not determine your future. In other words, you are not the worst thing that's ever happened to you. You are not the worst decision that you've made. You are not the product of the storm that you've been surrounded by. You might have scars. And I'm guessing those scars tell some pretty powerful stories, but they do not decide this present moment and they do not determine the future or the story that you're gonna tell. And so what if you, you told a different story, not a story of simply Brokenness, but a story of healing and you might still be in process, right? Your remodel still might be going on. You know how people that have done remodels and houses and apartments and things. It always takes a little bit longer than you think. Very true for our own lives, right? You know, or if you're in companies where it says, pardon my dust, you know, we're in under reconstruction, we should have signs that we just carry with us. You meet someone new for the first time like, hey, pardon my dust, I'm under construction, right? And so it's a process. But what story are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself that you're broken or are you telling yourself that you're healing? Why is this important? Because through 20 years of ministry, I've seen this truth played out over and over again that what's not transformed gets transferred. If you don't deal with the trauma in your life, there's a good chance that's gonna get transferred to somebody else in another relationship in your life. And what happens is that people stop having a relationship with you and only have a relationship with your triggers and your trauma and that's easily passed on to the next generation or relationships. And, and so, for example, if you've been betrayed, it's probably difficult for you to trust in other areas of your life, right? And so if you don't deal with that, if it's not transformed in your life, it's gonna get transferred to some other area in your life. But the good news for that is that really we're not called to live by default, but by design, there's the default setting mode in life, the earthly human flesh mode that you really don't have to teach anybody. But then there is the design mode in which you have to personally decide to follow God's design and how God made you and how God wired you. Because if you don't deal with the trauma and the difficult circumstances in your life, you're gonna go through life feeling like a scared child on the inside. But you don't have to do that. You can actually live out your primal question. Turn it into a primal truth. Actually, it becomes a primal gift that then you can use to bless the world around you as an act of worship. Here's what I mean. There's a couple of examples from scripture. Ephesians chapter four verse one. And we're gonna park here for a second. I therefore, Paul's writing in prison for preaching the gospel. He's writing to the church in Ephesus. He says, I therefore a prisoner for the Lord urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you've been called. Now, that's a cool phrase. And if you understand the original language to it, it gets even cooler. You see those two words for calling actually are two different Greek words. The first word is the word Kleis, which really has this connotation of like a divine invitation. Recently in the last couple of months, I've gotten some invitations in the mail or handed to me of friends who are getting married. Right. And it's really cute and fun to get the, there's always this like some it's always a po picture, right? Someone with the ring they're hugging, they're always by a tree. I don't know why. You know what I'm saying? Right? It's cute. It's romantic. It's fun. Why? Because we want you to be a part of our special day. You are receiving a divine invitation. It's a little bit, it's a little bit different then like a text. Yo, what you doing? You wanna grab some wings, wanna watch the game? Like it's probably good that we invitations weren't left to the guys because that would be like a group text. You know what I mean the day before. And so the level of occasion really matches the level of the invitation. So that first word crisis that we've actually received a divine invitation. Well, that other word calling is the word Kleo, which means to be sent out or to bear the name of God. Now you take those two definitions and put it in this verse and it's pretty cool. I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of receiving the divine invitation to bear the name of God. No, cool. God has invited you to take on His power, his purpose, his presence and that with the invitation to bear the name of God that changes everything in your life. What does it change? He starts to walk through this. He's writing to the church. He's talking about church relationships. And he says this that with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace. Notice that every single major word in here has to be a decision has to be a decision to follow God's design. None of these things are given to people by default, right? On our own. The default mode is not humility, it's pride on our own. The default mode is not gentleness, it's anger like babies are cute when they're born, right? They're super cute, they're gentle and then they start talking, right? I heard another pastor say uh it's in is it? He found it interesting that uh you know, the way teenage life pans out in parenting, right? Says so you have somebody who's made in your image who at times ignores your very existence. It's almost like God saying, see what it feels like and see we have to decide to live by design, not to choose pride, but to choose humi humility, not to choose anger but to choose gentleness. Right. Next thing, patience, impatience is default. No one in their life is like, you know, I just need to be more impatient. I wish things took longer. I, well, just as remodels in your house take longer than expected. Remodeling relationships are gonna require patience. But you have to decide that. Choose that no, and bearing with another, bearing with one another in love. Why would he put that in there? That assumes that you're gonna have to bear with one other words, there is something that's gonna come up that then you'll have the choice either to have indifference and apathy or to bear with it. He's just in a loving kind way saying, hey, put up with each other, they're, they're gonna make you upset but can you bear with one another in love? It's default or design eager to maintain the unity of the spirit. Well, if you have to maintain something that means it's gonna take active effort and choice, right? And then peace isn't the default mode that conflict is. And so in our relationships, the better we can understand each other, the better we can choose a life, not by default, but by design, we can say, you know what, I'm not gonna transfer my pain and my heart to the people around me. I'm gonna allow God to transform it in my life and I'm gonna help those around and build them up. See Hebrews 10 verses 2425. Let us consider how to stir up one another, to love and good works, not neglecting to meet each other as it's a habit of some but encouraging one another. And all the more as you see the day drawing near to stir one another up means that the default mode is stagnant. I wonder how many stagnant relationships there are because when left alone, a relationship will be stagnant. Unless through the power of God, we can stir one another up but not towards gossip, not towards controversy, but towards good works. Encouraging one another, meeting together, building each other up for Thessalonians 511, therefore, encourage one another and build one another up just as you are doing. Even if you are doing things. Well, it still takes work even if all your ducks are in a row, life is still difficult. Oh, by the way, no one's gonna have all their ducks in a row, right? Isn't it interesting that in one area of your life as you think? Oh, I got this in order. And then something happens over here. Ok. I got this in order. And then something happens over here for those that play golf. You totally get this right. As soon as you hit that drive, your irons are done. If you have a drive and the irons, you're probably gonna miss the putt, like for those that don't understand golf. The idea is that you spend four hours in nature being really mad and angry at life. And then you have 1 to 2 shots that you feel like I could almost go pro. Right? You do. Every golfer has had this thought you have a shot. It's like I will devote my life to this. Right. One moment you're gonna chuck the clubs into the pond and then you have one shot. Like, you know, if I worked at this, I could, I could make it right. But it's hard to get everything working at the same time. Same is true in our lives. Same is true in our lives. We're all over the place. It's gonna take continuation of in curves. And when you encourage somebody, you are taking your courage and you are giving it to somebody else, right? You are lifting somebody else up, you are building someone else up. Apostle John put it this way first John 4, 11 to 13, beloved. If God so loved the world, we also ought to love one another. If God value relationships, we should value relationships. He says no one has ever seen God. But if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us by this. We know that we abide in Him and he in us because He has given us of his spirit. See not everybody has seen God, but they will see how you treat one another. And so how you treat somebody is going to impact somebody else's view of God. That's why loving God and loving others are connected. The vertical always impacts the horizontal. It's breathing in, it's breathing out. That's why we want to focus on our relationships because it's the second part of the great commandment that as you improve your understanding of the people around you, it will empower your life and it will empower the people's lives around you and it's an act of worship. So let's get real practical here. Let's get real practical. OK. Is that most relationships do not fail because of a series of small things. Most relationships fail at its core because one or both people stop answering their primal question with a yes. Do you know your own primal question? How you're wired, what you're looking for? And do you understand the people in your life? Primal question again, all seven are important. But what is it that your partner, your spouse, your friend is looking for? Are you answering that question with a yes. If you do so, and if you game plan for it, it can drastically improve your relationships. Here's how it works in the practical. You have somebody's actions and behaviors. It's what's visibly seen up here. Now, typically under those actions and behaviors are emotions and feelings. Now, it's good to understand those emotions and feelings that come with those actions. But what we want to try to do is go one layer deeper, right? We want to get to the bottom of the seven layer nachos. OK. Right. Where the chips are? OK. We wanna get down there to the bottom, we wanna go to the third layer and understand what are the unmet needs that the person is trying to answer? So let's say somebody's drinking or acting out, there's the behavior you can treat that action. But what if you went a little bit deeper and said OK, but why are they drinking? Why are they acting out? Why are they doing something? You address the emotions? Maybe they're sad, maybe they're lonely, maybe they're going through something. But I want to encourage you to go one layer even lower and ask, OK, what is the need? That's being unmet. What is the question they're trying to answer with a yes because if you understand that it can understand and change your approach. Let's walk through the seven questions for a second and, and think about what is it that they need? OK. So if a person is a Q one, if their value is safety, am I safe? They want physical safety and they want emotional safety. So the kryptonite is negative surprises, right? Because they, they don't like unknown. And so when you're communicating with someone who's a Q one, if you have clear plans, right? Distinct plans or can you emotionally validate how they're feeling? I've searched long wide and deep, but I don't think sarcasm is a fruit of the spirit I want it to be and maybe those that are wired like me understand this. Have you ever been in an emotional vulnerable conversation? And you have a joke that pops into your head and it's almost like I can't stop myself from saying the joke as if that's going to help the situation. You know what I'm saying? The reason that doesn't land if you're having a conversation with a Q one is because they're being vulnerable, expressing emotions and they want to feel safe in your hands and you come in with a joke like that doesn't make the person feel safe, right? And I'm not a Q one. So like I'm kind of like as a um I'm kind of as uh like I love plants but I'm kind of going with I will figure it out, right? Yeah, it's there because it's not my question. But if you have a Q one in your life, like when you have somebody in your life, they want, they wanna feel safe, they wanna feel secure like it's an anxiety, stressor thing, right? And so if you have specifics that helps build the relationship. OK. Q two. If someone is a, trying to answer the question, am I secure? Things like budgets boundaries, goals? They wanna feel stable, right? They want, they want spreadsheets, they want that, they want to know if I do a, what is B going to be? And so how are you building a sense of community or not community of stability in there. Like I, I want, how can we establish the ground we're walking on? Right. That helps the conversation. If someone is a Q three asking the question, am I loved, then they're going to be looking to be seen and to be heard because the kryptonite for a Q three is indifference. And so if somebody doesn't feel like they're listening, they're going to pull back, right? So just having a conversation validating someone's feelings in that moment and saying, hey, I see you, I hear you repeating back to what the person said to show understanding. It's a whole another thing, right? Uh How many people in our conversations that when we listen, we're just simply listening, waiting to reply, right? Or are you listening to actually understand? Uh maybe you, you've been in a, a slight argument with a friend or your spouse and, and I don't know about you. I like to win, right? And so have you ever had a conversation with someone and the whole time while they're making a point, you're like lawyering up in your mind and you're like, oh, I got a good one coming, right? And then you throw that point down and you're trying to win the argument instead of just trying to understand the relationship, right? Do you make someone feel seen, loved heard, validating the emotions that are there next one? Am I wanted, they're looking for inclusion and to be a part of the process, right? So for example, a and I'm just be, I can only speak for myself. That's why I'm I'm speaking this way like I'm not the best at replying to emails and text messages. I'm gonna work on that this year. But my apologies, ok? You've probably been on the receiving end of that where you'll send something out and I just won't respond to it. Sorry on that. It's just something I can work on. Ok. That's gonna hit a Q four differently because a Q four M I wanted is gonna throw out something and then if they get no response back, they don't feel included or they don't feel wanted, right? Not saying that they're not wanted, but it adds a level of anxiety or stress that it might not in other people's lives. Does that make sense? Right. So replying, got it in the email or replying to the text to A Q four makes a bigger difference. OK. Q five, am I successful? This is the person that wants the affirmation of the job completed even if it's small, right? So if you're not a Q five, you don't need affirmation that you loaded the dishwasher, right? But if you are, you're like, hey, look at this. Why? Because you like seeing that the job is done. The other thing for A Q five is they want a winnable game, give me a game, we can win. They don't like abstract things. Give me a game, I can win or tell me what the win is and I'll work really hard to get the win. So if you can clarify the win in the relationship or what the person's looking for a Q five will run after it with all that they are. But if they don't know what the game is, they'll pull back, put walls up and not do anything. Not because they don't care, but because they won't appear successful and they won appear successful. So you can connect this way. A Q six, A Q six is interesting because where uh Q five is looking for affirmation of the job. A Q six is looking for affirmation of the person, right? They wanna feel good enough combined. Sometimes you'll see this if you've ever said thank you to somebody and their person replies back for what, you know what I'm talking about because a Q five and A Q six want details of the thank you, right? Because they wanna know that's care to them. They wanna know. Thank you for what? Right. And there's some smiling and nodding because you've had these very conversations, right? You tell a Q seven like myself. Hey, thank you. I'm like, oh, I appreciate it. But because a Q five or Q six is, am I good enough? Am I here? They're gonna say, OK, but what exactly what are you grateful for? What did I do? Well, right, the other side of it is some of the other questions might hear something back and take that as feedback, like Q six is gonna hear that and take that as criticism. So ask yourself if you've given what you thought was feedback to somebody and they respond more harshly than you thought. Did you take into account that they're trying to answer the question? Am I good enough? Can you validate the person and include them in the process as well as describe them as victorious? Tell them what success looks like and tell them that they are wanted and good enough as a person, right? Then lastly for that Q seven, that's the person looking for significance in everything. Tell that person that they're making a huge difference even if they're not OK. I'm just kidding on that. But as a Q seven, you can tell me I'll take it even if it's a joke. I love it. So, um so no, when you tell someone the impact of why something matters, they get amped up, right? And so if you're trying to get a Q seven to do a small task that they don't tend to do or follow through, tell them, hey, it would really help me and make a big difference if you did this. Now it becomes a question that I wanna answer. You see the difference, there's behaviors and actions, there's emotions and feelings, but then somewhere underneath there's unmet needs and so ask yourself, what is my primal question? Then look at your spouse, look at your friends, look at your kids, what is their primal question? And then game plan. How can I answer their primal question with a yes, you do that collectively, you're gonna improve your relationships dramatically. All right. Last thing here to get really practical. It's something that's not in that primal questions book. It's something created that I think will give you some handles to have some healthy conversations. This week, I call it the healthy communication triangle, the healthy communication triangle. The first part and this is gonna be in the middle of the triangle here. And it's just to give you an image to try to have some good conversations. This week is you have to start every conversation from a place of affection. If you don't approach the person in love, it's not going to go well. OK. Do you have love for the other person? Now? Are you loved by the other person? But do you love that person? Are you coming to that person in love? So start with the affection. Then when you have the conversation, there's three components and there's a transition between each. So the first component of a healthy conversation is awareness. Are you open? Are you honest? And are you saying everything or are you saying 90% and holding the 10% back? Right? Sometimes if you're having a conversation and you just throw in the word and or anything else, you might actually get to the actual thing, right? So if the level in your life is like, hey, how are you? I'm fine. Go beyond the fine. OK? And try to be aware at the same time. Are you willing to share the needs in your life? See, awareness is the first key of that healthy conversation because once you become aware of something you can do something about it. And so the the awareness piece, OK comes from James 119. Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. Are you listening to the people around you asking the questions? How are you today? How are you really, you seem upset? What's going on? They might need some space first. That's OK. But at some point have the question of being honest, hey, what's going on? The goal of that is that, that will lead to connection that will lead to connection that gives you a sense of empathy? See this is where not to include the joke, right? Can you validate how someone is feeling, repeat back to them? What they just said this, this practice of mirroring. OK. So you're telling me this happened? OK. So there's awareness which leads the connection, which is empathy. Once you have awareness, the next step then is adjustment. Where are we not aligned? What is the primal question that's not being answered right now? Do I need to make a change in my approach, in my tone, in the actual topic, right? Once you become aware, you have the ability to make adjustments and the key to making the right adjustments. Ok. It really comes from Philippians 24, not looking to your own interest, but to the interests of others. The key to making healthy adjustments is clarity. So what are the spoken and unspoken expectations? It's easy in relationships to get mad at somebody for an expectation you never expressed, right? So can you get clear of what changes you're looking for or where there's needed alignment? So connection leads to empathy, clarity leads to expectations and understanding, giving yourself a winnable game validating that it's an issue, not the person, right? And once you talk through with clarity, then you move to that third component with which is action first John 318 says let us not love with words or speech but with action and in truth, is there a promise to believe? Is there an action that needs to be forgiven or repented from? Did you say something that you shouldn't say next time? Did you do something that you shouldn't do? Did you not do something that you were supposed to do? Right? And get some tangibleness to the action? Because if you do that, then then gives you the ability to make a commitment because with the commitment, you can focus on execution and you need all of these components if you, if focus just there on the blue words in there, the c words, there, you need all three, especially because if you have commitment and clarity but no connection, there's no relationship. That's just somebody telling them what to do, right? You do this, right? But at the same time, if you have clarity and connection and no commitment, it says I love you, I love you and nothing ever changes. And then if you, and lastly, if you have commitment and connection, but you have no clarity, then you feel good and you're committed to each other, but you have no idea what to do. But if you start with awareness, which leads to a relational connection, you then can have an open conversation about what adjustments are needed. Clarifying the expectation, which then gives you the ability to change your action for next time and then makes a commitment. OK? I'm gonna invite the man on up here and I just want to give you just a, just a real practical example of just how this plays out. It's uh much, it's on a small scale, but just so you can kind of see how this pans out. So I'm a Q seven, my wife's a Q one. So purpose safety, let's just say, hypothetically, uh I'm supposed, I told her I'm gonna be home at five. A ministry situation happens or something. Opportunity comes up and I'm not home till seven and I don't communicate with her at all in that process. How do you think she's gonna feel because of an unexpected, unexpected surprise? She's gonna feel a sense of anxiousness a little bit because I said five, I'm not home till seven. I'm gonna come home as a purpose guy and be like, wow, this was significant. This was great. Why are you mad when I did this thing? Isn't it great? She's actually not mad at all of that. She was mad because of the feeling of anxiousness that I provided because I didn't have a clear plan. I didn't make her feel safe, right? I didn't clarify expectation because then she'll ask her a question like, well, how long did you know about this ministry thing? Well, I learned this morning. OK. So you didn't. So the difference was I just was operating or I'll just operate sometimes and I'll just go with the flow like I'll go off. Oh, we're gonna do this thing. Take this mountain, start this whatever, make a difference, right? But if I'm not making somebody feel safe in the process, I'm not helping, right? So being aware, oh, I did not communicate that's on me. Adjustments. So the frustration, the anxiety doesn't come from, I did something. It's, it's like I didn't communicate expectations in the process change as soon as I hear something, invite her into that process with me. Hey, so and so needs this, this meeting's gonna run late. I think I'm gonna be late here. Now, she feels safe and she can validate my feeling of significance, right? And it changes the dynamics. So understand your primal question, know your spouse, your kids, your friend, primal question, game plan for how you can answer their question with a yes as much as possible. And then when you have conversations that you become aware of the needs of the person in your life as well as share the needs in your own life. That then leads to the connection, which then leads to adjustment. But then you can clarify any change you need to make and then change your actions and make new commitments. So I'll leave you with this and it's what we started with. I'm telling you, understanding the people in your life will empower your life and theirs. Let's start loving people better this week. Will you pray with me, dear Emily, father? Just thank you for all that you've given. You got all of our questions and wiring is rooted and found in you that through you Jesus, we are safe, we are secure, we are loved, we are wanted, we are successful, we're good enough, we have purpose. So let us turn and help others feel safe. Secured, loved wanted good enough successful to have purpose in you. Let us get better at seeing beneath the behaviors and actions that our emotions and feelings and then even the needs beneath that and try to meet each other's needs and have healthy conversations to be aware, to make adjustments, to commit to actions. We do all of these things because you've called us God to love you with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love one another. Help us to receive the divine invitation, to bear your name and to choose and decide today to live, not by default, but by design, we give our relationships up to you and we pray that we can have some healthy and helpful and hopeful conversations. This week, we lift up our relationships to you and your sons and we pray amen.