Gonna be talking a little bit about forgiveness and, um, I wanna begin with a survey. Ok. And I want you to be bold and I want you to raise your hand if this applies to you. It is now 1053 on Sunday morning. How many of you have already needed to forgive somebody today? Let me see you in. Let me see you in. Ok. That's six of you. And I thought most of you are married, um, or had kids or something like that. Ok, let me see the hands of those of you who drove here this morning. You drove here this morning. Ok. So you had to forgive the guy who was doing 42 in the 45 mile an hour zone, didn't you? Or the guy, the self, right? This guy who was doing 65 in the 65 mile an hour zone. Uh, I mean, jerks, just absolute jerks everywhere you turn, the world is filled with people who are jerks. Ah, and then you finally get to church and you're three minutes late and you pull in and somebody who's four minutes late, parks in the handicap spot leaps. Out of their car and runs to the front door jerks. The world is just full of them. Uh, perhaps you work for one or you work with one and they constantly do less than they're supposed to and take credit for what you do. It's just not fair. A jerk. Or perhaps, or perhaps you gave birth to one and after 100,000 hours, 100,000 diapers, 100,000 miles, what do you get? You get loved and respect and attention and mothers and fathers day gifts, don't you wish? Or perhaps, or perhaps you married one seriously? There are some of you here in this room who uh one of the biggest struggles of your life was a number of years back. You stood in front of God and a group of people like this uh filled with family and friends who cared about you and you said those words for better or for worse and then it was nothing but worse. Something changed. Those words didn't make it better till death. Do his part became something that wasn't ominous. It became something that was wishful thinking because all of the giving was one way and it was all from you. And this thing about forgiveness became over and over and over and over and bigger and bigger for some of you. Forgiveness is about the person that you married. And some of you in this room experience the ultimate uh pain where the person that you said yes to said yes to somebody else and to somebody else and to somebody else and you had to decide how much you could forgive. We talk in Christian circles as if forgiveness is easy. Just something to decide and then all is good. And some of you in this room know, know better than that, you know that it's anything but easy. You can relate to CS Lewis who wrote. Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive. Forgiveness is wonderful. As long as we're on the receiving end. But when we have to be on the giving end, that's a tough place to be my wife and I got married uh more years ago than, than I want to count. By the way, I won the spouse lottery. Um I, I got married, uh, the most wonderful woman on the planet. Uh I, I'm not sure that she could say the same thing, but that's another story. Well, another day, um, and early on in our marriage, we bought our first house, we were excited, we bought our first house and uh we took out a mortgage, we owed our, you know, our net worth was, you know, some place in the a big negative numbers. And uh and then, and then I got a call that we got a call to move across the country to a different church. I was a youth pastor at the time and uh, for about a year and a half, two years in Denver. And I talked, you know, yeah, youth pastors, including, you know, a number of, uh, bible studies on forgiveness and whatnot. And it all seemed like, you know, that's a really good idea until it came time to sell our house. And this was in, um, 1981 and in 1981 it was really difficult to sell a house and really difficult for anybody to finance a house. And a young couple came forward who wanted to buy our house each year, uh, except that they didn't have a down payment. Ok. Well, we'll lend you the down payment and of course, they had a difficult time getting a mortgage. And so, uh, this was back in the days that you could, uh let them assume your mortgage. So they assumed our mortgage, we made their down payment to us. I mean, it was dumb, I confess. And uh, uh six months later, uh they had defaulted on the mortgage, defaulted on their payments to us, um, declared bankruptcy. And uh, uh I'd gone off to bible college and I'm going God, this is not right. This is not fair. You know, our, our net worth was already in some significant negative numbers. We were newlyweds ourselves. And then there's, and the glib language that I as a youth pastor had had given about boy, we all just need to forgive who got really difficult, really fast if you, uh, when you came in this morning, I hope that you picked up, uh, an outline, uh, because we're gonna talk about three things this morning. Um, but first I wanna, uh, uh, uh, I wanna take Hello, Jess. 123. I, I just turned my own, I just turned my own mic off. It's in my pocket and I went to, and I turn myself off. Uh, is that a sign? Anyway? Where was I uh we are not the only people who struggle with forgiveness? All right, we are not the first people to struggle with forgiveness. In fact, some people who are part of the original gang of 12 Jesus apostles struggled with this issue as well. If you've got a Bible, I wanted to uh encourage you to open it up to Matthew chapter 18 verse 21. And some of you were thinking I don't need a Bible or would I bring a Bible when, when it's gonna be up on the spirit? Because you can't underline the screen, you can't highlight the screen and you can't take notes on the screen. May I encourage you really? It won't hurt you to actually bring a Bible? OK. That's a, that's just an aside, I'm sorry, John, wherever you are. Uh All right. So Peter uh you know, Peter, the uh one of the 12 he had a problem with this thing. Um Matthew chapter 18 verse 21. Then Peter came to Jesus and said, hey, can we talk? And the question that he had was no theoretical theological. Hey, I was just thinking the other day kind of question. This was very real. This was a guy who uh uh he had a brother, he had a mother, he had a father and he had a wife. And so when he asked Lord, so tell me how many times should I forgive Andrew uh my brother when he sins against me? This was very real because he like you had experienced that. It's just not fair. And so Jesus said, told him something that, that uh Peter wasn't expecting. Jesus answered, I tell you uh Peter not seven times but 77 times and you could just see Peter's eyes get really and the conversation got really quiet because he's thinking about what that actually means to this married guy with a brother and a mother and a father and an extended family. And Jesus says, chimes in and says, Peter while you're thinking about that, let me tell you a story and Jesus told Peter uh what we call a parable. And by the way, Pastor John is starting today a new series on the Parables of Jesus, which are mostly about the Kingdom of God. And I get the privilege of being the, the first in the series. Thank you John wherever you are. Uh And so this is one of the parables of Jesus. I want you to catch that. It's about the Kingdom of God and what we as followers of Jesus are supposed to do in the be as part of that kingdom. So Jesus tells the story beginning of verse 23. Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven is like, it's like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And as he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him. Now, Jesus first hearers, including Peter would have gone what? 10,000? I mean, that was uh you know, it was uh Elon Musk kind of money. Uh We're talking billion. I mean, it was just unfathomable kind of a debt. And since he was not able to pay the master ordered debt, uh he and his wife and his Children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt, not that that would do it. And the servant fell on his knees before him, be patient with me. He begged and I will pay back everything, which was kind of ridiculous because there's no way you could pay back that kind of money. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. Jesus goes on. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him 100 dinari uh an amount that would be, you know, a couple months pay maybe at most, you know, the cost of a used car for you. And he grabbed him and began to choke him pay back what you owe me. He demanded. And his fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him be patient with me and I, I'll pay you back, which was a very distinct possibility in that case, but he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. And when the other servants saw what had just happened, they were greatly distressed and they went and told their master everything that had happened. And the men and then the master texted servant number one, can we talk? The master called servant? Number one in two booked servant. He said I canceled all of that debt of yours because you begged me to more than you could ever hope to earn in 10 lifetimes. I canceled that all. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just like I had on you? And in anger, his master turned him over to the jailer to be tortured until he should pay back all that he owed this morning. I want to talk to you about three things. Ok? When you uh came in this morning, I, I hope that you got uh uh a handout. It has an outline. There's gonna be an outline up on the screen. Uh We're gonna talk about three things. Number one. What does it really mean to forgive? Number two, why is it so important. And number three. Yes. But how, first, what does it actually mean to forget? Now? That may sound like a strange thing because some of you don't hold, I don't know what it means to forget. What kind of a n numb nuts do you think I am, uh, forgive you? You just forgive, that's what it means, I think. And yet we struggle with it. Some of you have tried over and over again to forgive somebody and yet it keeps coming back like somebody grasping your throat. What does it mean to forgive? It's not obvious answer. You find the answer in the text that we just read in the parable that Jesus told, what did the master do? He canceled the debt? That what does it mean to forgive? Forgiveness is a decision we make. It's an act of the will. It's not a feeling, it's an act of the will where we decide to cancel the debt, cancel the debt. I had a family member who borrowed some money from me, from me promised that they were gonna pay me back. Never paid me back. I uh I do quicken quick is a, is a, is a software to track your finances. Any of you do quicken any of you do money. Any of you do mint, any of you do absolutely nothing and you're willing to raise your hand. Oh, that's good. Anyway, um and so this has all of my transactions. It is checking accounts and my savings accounts and all of my loans and it included what this family member owed me and I check it each month and it was always the same thing because nothing was getting paid back. And finally, God and I had a talk, actually, God had a talk with me and told me, Dave it's time that you cancel the debt. And so it was a difficult and spiritual moment for me. Anyway, when I went to my quicken software, I went to that account and hit delete that cancel. Now when we talk about forgiveness as being a dad to cancel, I'm not really talking primarily about money. There's lots of different kinds of debt. When you came in this morning, you got uh, an outline of, um, of this morning's remarks and, uh, there's a place where it says who and what do they owe you. I wanna encourage you if you have it with you to, to do it even now or take it home or take it home and do it this afternoon and write down who has hurt you? And what do they owe you? What do you mean? What do they owe you? What is that you're expecting? What is it that would make it right from your perspective. What do they owe you? Maybe you're thinking I'd forgive them if they admitted it or I'd forgive them if they, if they apologized or maybe they actually owe you some money or maybe what they owe you is after all of those years that you owe, they owe you some respect or a change in their attitude or a change in their behavior or an explanation at the least. Why did you do that or how about, or how about a true miracle? Hey, thank you. All of those are things that the human heart screams for when we've been wronged and those are debts. It's what we think we rightly deserve and we want, who is it? What do they owe you? Write it down, cancel the debt is that it? You ask the answer is no, I wish it were that easy. And that decision, that act of the will to cancel the debt is simple but not easy. But there's more to it than that. It takes that decision plus time, a decision, plus time. Some of, you know, the name uh Corey TBM. Corey 10 boom was um a holocaust survivor young girl who uh among other things spent time in the uh uh uh the Ravens Brook um prison uh somehow survived uh that imprisonment. Uh her parents and her um her sister, Betsy uh were not so fortunate. And after she was released, she, you know, is a tremendous spokesman for the grace of God and, and for the forgiveness of God. But there was somebody that she was having a hard time forgiving and she decided, but the feeling wouldn't go away she'd forgiven, but it still was there. And finally she decided she needed to have a talk with somebody. She talked with uh a pastor, friend of hers who gave her a story that helped. He told Corey, take a look at the chapel over there. You see the bell tower, you see the bell in the tower a couple times a day. There's a person who goes, grabs a rope, pulls the rope and pulls the rope and the bell rings and rings and rings as the rope is pulled. And then that person lets go of the rope. And do you know what happens? Then the bell keeps on ringing loud at first and then softer and then softer and slower until finally. Yeah, it's gone and it begins when you let go of the rope, forgiveness is a decision to let go of the rope. And the time of healing it takes to God through his spirit and his word and the people of God around you turn the decision of forgiveness into the feeling of forgiveness. How many of you have any scars on your body have scars? Oh, wow! Ok. All in favor. Say hi. Um Why do you have a scar in your body? Because there was an injury, there was a cut and at first it hurt a lot and then you tended to it and then it quit bleeding and then maybe or maybe not, it got infected and eventually it healed. Right instantly. No. But even after that, there is a permanent reminder of what was done, the pain is gone, the healing is complete. Only God completely forgets um what is forgiveness? It's a decision to cancel the debt. Would you go home? Write down to who write down to what they owe you, cancel the debt and then the time of healing that it takes after that. Secondly, this morning, why is this such a big deal? Why is it all that important? Why is it a fundamental part of, of um what it means to be a Christian, by the way, Jesus taught us a prayer. You remember that prayer, our father who art in heaven hallowed be the name thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven right there in the prayer. Give us this day our daily bread, forgive us our debts as we. What take it to whoever sticks it to us? No, right there in the prayer that many of you have prayed hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times is this idea that we're supposed to forgive? It's a basic part. Why? Two reasons? Number one, because it's important to God because God forgave us so much. Colossians three verse 13 says um remember, remember the Lord forgave you, I want to add so much so you must forgive others. It's just a fundamental part of what it means to be a Christ follower. If you don't wanna be a Christ follower, then you don't have to forgive. But if you're gonna be one of his, it means it means following his example and forgiving other people, frankly, it's flat out audacious to not. Can you imagine being God? No boy, I said no, that wouldn't work very well anyway. Can you imagine God watching us not forgetting other people. He being fully aware of what he's forgiving us, watching us being unwilling to forgive other people and he's going, hello? Are, are you more important than me? Um, when we fail to forgive, what we're saying, is that what that other person has done is bigger, then the cross God says you're gonna be a follower of me. You're gonna be forgiven by me. Then this is a fundamental piece. It's not gonna be easy, Peter Dave. But it's part, it's part of uh what I've called you to, but there's also what it does for us. It's so that we can heal. The irony is that our unwillingness or our inability to heal hurts us. Ok? You know, the enemy comes along and we hear these little voices that say they don't deserve to be forgiven. Have you forgotten how, how big, what they did was how much it hurt you, how wrong it was. You're not gonna actually forgive them. You've heard those voices, haven't you? And the irony is if I say, yeah, yeah, I ain't forgiven them. Who loses? How does that change their life. Not at all when I fail to forgive whose life is left in bondage. Mine, a lot of studies have been done about the uh the um the health advantages of forgiveness that the forgiveness is uh uh is, is um helpful to our physical health lowers. Our blood pressure increases our immunity lowers our stress levels. It's good for our mental health. Um It um it increases our happiness increases sense of well being, increases our sense of general peace. The failure to do so is what lands a lot of people with anxiety and depression. It's good for our relationships. You see, our relationships cannot be restored. Our relationships can't be restored until we let go of the rope. What does it mean to forgive? It's a decision of the will to cancel the debt. Let go of the rope and give God time to work on, on the healing, which brings us to the third part. Yeah, they've, but how man I've been a believer for a long time, I've been one of those Jesus followers, a Christian and, and I tried and, and, and sometimes it's just so hard. Let me share with you some steps uh to healing that honestly, I'm ripping off um from uh Doctor David Stoop, uh the author of a book called For Forgiving Our Parents Forgiving ourselves. OK. Number one, some steps to turn the decision into a feeling reality. Number one, be honest about the offense and your part in that offense? Did you catch in the parable that you told, did you catch the master? Didn't deny what the first servant owed? He didn't just go. Oh, it's no big deal. Why? Because it was a big deal. He didn't go. Oh, you don't owe me anything. Why? Because he did own something. It was a big deal. It was going to set the master back a whole lot. Being honest about what has happened to this, to uh to us. Sometimes we make the mistake of wanting to make everything their fault, failing to be honest with ourselves about our part in the pain and sometimes we do the opposite. We want to diminish and deny what they've done that. Somehow it'll go away if I just pretend that it didn't really happen or they didn't really mean it. Some of you here in this room, I hope I'm wrong. But there are those of you who in this room, uh who have been victims of child abuse could be sexual, could be verbal, could be physical. Others of you in this room who have been victims of marital infidelity and there may be a temptation to try and pretend it away. Uh It's my fault or if I had only or they didn't really mean it or what's wrong with me. The first step in um healing is to be honest with ourselves about what happened, including my part in it. So you know, on that sheet, the who and what do they owe you? That's a piece of the healing. Some of you don't wanna look at that sheet, you don't wanna write down anything on that sheet because it'll bring you face to face with either what they did or what you did. And part of the healing is being honest about both who has hurt you. What do you think that they owed you? Secondly, express your feelings to a trusted and wise person, a trusted and wise person. You see, there is healing in being heard in our heart and our hurt, being heard, wounds are a lot like infections that they don't heal until or unless they're drained. This week. I went to the doctor, I didn't want to go to the doctor, but I have an ingrown toenail on my big toe. Ok. I'm embarrassed but I went to the doctor and she said, oh, that doesn't look like it feels really good. It doesn't, that's why I'm here. And so she poked, ah, stop that and then she got some scissors and she did this and then she poked again and all of a sudden you and then it felt better that sometimes part of the healing is to release it, to share it with a trusted and wise person, not underline, not somebody who's involved in the situation, not somebody who will tell you it's all their fault. They're a horrible person and you're right to feel this way. No, this is not about gaining an ally, which is our natural tendency to want to do as people if we want to talk to somebody and we want to tell them how bad that other person was and we want them to be part of our crusade against that other person. That's not what we're talking about here. Somebody who's trusted and wise and not involved, who can by listening, help to drain the infection. Thirdly, sometimes underline, sometimes really only, sometimes, sometimes we need to set some boundaries. Now, did you catch in Jesus parable? What the master did uh when the, when the servant came, he forgave or he canceled the debt. But what he didn't do is he didn't say, oh, no problem. And oh by the way, here's a AAA visa card. You might need some more money. He didn't put himself in a place where that first servant could hurt him again and again and again and again and again and sometimes we need to put a little bit distance between ourselves, geographically and emotionally, sometimes sometimes, but do not confuse but do not confuse some boundaries, putting some distance between ourselves uh emotionally or geographically, do not confuse that with what it usually is retribution. OK? If you're gonna treat me that way, then I know how I'm gonna punish you. I'm never gonna call you again. And by the way, Thanksgiving, no, I ain't gonna be there and on Christmas, no, you're not getting an invite to my house. And too often what we call boundaries are really just our way of getting back at somebody real fine line here between boundaries for the sake of self protection and boundaries, for the sake of or for vengeance. Fourthly reconciliation is always the goal and sometimes, but not always. It's possible. Romans chapter 12 verse 18, Paul writes if it's possible and he says that because sometimes it's not, you catch that. Sometimes it's not possible if it's possible as far as depends on you. You know, he says that because it doesn't all depend on you if it's possible as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone. You see the goal is a restored relationship. Jesus referenced this in Matthew chapter 18, verse 15. He says, if your brother or sister sins and many translations have sins against you, go and point out their fault, go. But, but just between the two of you private conversation just between the two of you and if they listen to you, you've won. I was right. I win. They are bad people. Ha Now, if they listen to you, you have won them over the ideal. The goal in the heart of God is always that there would be a restored relationship, but it's not always possible. Paul writes, if possible, as much as it depends on you do what you can to restore that relationship ship. You see, forgiveness is unilateral. You could do it by yourself. Reconciliation takes two people finally cancel the debt concretely, symbolically, spiritually, take a concrete symbolic step. So I'm gonna say it to you again. Weather on the sheet that you received when you came in this morning or on another piece of paper at home, write it out. Who, who do you need to forgive? What is it? What is the debt? What do they owe you? What have they done wrong for just a moment? Take the time to do on paper concretely what you've been doing in your heart anyway. And then when you're ready and then if you're ready, find a big bold marker and right across it canceled, canceled and let go of the rope. Will that process magically make all the hurt and all the feelings go away? No, but it will begin the process of healing. Who's hurt you? Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to get beyond let go of the rope who owes you? And then Jesus called us to do one more thing that makes no sense from a justice standpoint. Luke 627 and 28. He says, then pray for the person who's offended. You pray for them, not pray about them. You've done that. Pray for them, let go of the rope right canceled and decide, ok. Now I can begin to pray for them because it'll change them. No, but because the praying will change, will heal you. Jesus taught us to pray. Our father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Would you make that decision? Take that first step today and say, God, I am tired. I've been bound by this day. God, would you begin to heal me? We should begin to heal me. I want to close in a word of prayer and in this prayer, I wanna give you the opportunity. I wanna encourage you to take the opportunity to say God, I've decided I want to forgive. I've been bound by this thing too long. I'm ready for you to start the healing. Would you pray with me? Lord Jesus? We wanna thank you for what you did at the cross and how your cross was so much bigger than anything that we've done or could do God, thank you for your forgiveness. And now some in this room want to take the step to say, got it to the best of my ability. I'm ready to cancel the debt and let go of the rope, heal me. God begin the process of restoring me, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, these things we pray in Jesus name. Amen.