Well, 12 years as a youth pastor, I would every single year use this analogy
that I would share with my students that I wanna share with you because it
actually applies to our understanding of relationships and family today. And I
want you to start off by thinking, what is the difference between a puddle, a
flood and a river? What is the difference between a puddle, a flood and a river?
And every time I'd ask the students to describe, OK, describe for me a puddle,
shallow stagnant goes away quickly, maybe a little dirty in there, sometimes
smelly if it's been sitting there for a while like, OK, now describe for me a
flood and say wild, destructive, right? Destroys things. OK. All right. Now
describe for me a river, I say, well, brings life brings fun, right? There's
boats, there's take supplies and they'd start describing those things and I
would say awesome. Ok. Now, if someone had to describe you in the way they
describe those, how would you be described? He said, what if someone described
you as shallow and stagnant? Yeah. Oh, good. What if someone described you as
destructive? Ok. And you don't want that. And so everyone would agree. Ok. Well,
we want to be described as a river. So the next thing then is ok, what separates
or differentiates a puddle, a flood and a river? I believe there's three things
that separate those that for us today. In our discussion also shares the three
needs of every single child. The first thing that distinguishes a river from a
flood or a puddle is that it has a source, has a source, constant flowing
source. And as a child, you need that source of encouragement and faith to keep
you moving forward. That's why puddles cease to exist after the sun comes out
because there is no movement, there's no source, there's no sort of things going
there. Now, floods have a source but they don't have the second thing. And that
is boundaries. A river is a river because it has boundaries. And if you go past
those boundaries that leads to destruction and when you see stories on the news
of massive flooding, no one's excited about it. It's not, it doesn't produce
things, right? It's not like, oh, there was massive flooding today and now
there's a new city like no, it destroys things in its path. And if you live a
life with no boundaries, you will destroy everything that's in the path. Some of
you have been on the receiving end of that of someone who lived a flood like
life with no boundaries that leaves destruction in its wake, it comes in
quickly, it leaves quickly. It's not healthy. Ok. So then the third component
that a child needs, it needs a source, it needs boundaries, but also Children
need direction, need direction. When you have all three, when you have a source,
when you have simple boundaries and you have direction that creates movement and
that creates life. Sometimes we try to fake movement, right? If you take a stick
and you swirl it around in a puddle, there's movement briefly that does not
sustain, there's movement and flooding, but it's in all directions, there's no
purpose there where if you have a river, you're going in one direction. And so
you think of the needs of a child and if you're not a parent in reality, think
about it, you need it for yourself, don't you? What's your source? What's the
source of your strength? Do you have simple boundaries in place? And then do you
have a direction that you're going in life? You can do that, those three things
it'll lead to life. Now, there are different stages in parenting. I didn't come
up with this chart of my own, but we share it with you because I find it
helpful. And so in the, the 0 to 5 year old range, so much of the focus of a of
raising a child is on discipline. No, no, no. And you, no. And you just find
yourself creative ways to say the word. No. Right. And so you go through and it
requires discipline. Then ages five through 12, it becomes really a stage of
training. You're learning how to do things, you're learning how to read, you're
learning how to tie your shoes, you're learning what's appropriate behavior and
not, you're, you're beginning school, maybe even preschool and you're being
cared for, but you're actually taking actions and learning practical steps.
You're learning, maybe it's your first exposure to sports, maybe it is taking
music or doing things and you start to train how to live, how to function as a
little human being. Right? Then in, as in the teenage years, it becomes a stage
of coaching. How do you navigate this life? How do you respond when friends
don't treat you well? How do you treat friends well, how do you respond when
relationships, how do you respond with pressures of school and work and social
media? And now you're really coaching them? Right? And if you do the first three
stages, well, then hopefully that final stage of 18 and beyond becomes a stage
of friendship. Now, these are important because if we don't, if we don't do them
in order, you're gonna find yourself sometimes trying to do them at a later
point and it becomes much harder. If you're trying to discipline somebody who's
over 18 years old, that's a tough scenario, right? And so being able to
understand what stage you're in is able to help realize, ok, what can we work
through? And so being a youth pastor for 12 years and there and now having my
own teenager, right? You're like, ah, what's gonna happen? Oh, like, and you're
like, man, what happened to my little child right in those years? And all the,
the drama and the smells and the things that come from middle school, high
school and you go into it. But you realize, wait a second, I'm actually coaching
now, right? I'm training, I'm coaching. I'm helping them navigate life because
you're not gonna be with them for every step of the way. So how can they
navigate that life? And so if you're taking notes, I want you to write this
down. Here's what we're going to break down today is that parenting at all
levels involves attention, intention and mission, involves attention, intention
and mission. And I, I use those three words on purpose because really the
question we're asking ourselves today is where is your aim in parenting? And so
that spells our three components here of attention, intention and mission. And
so where is your aim as parenting? What is your goal for parenting? Do you have
a goal for parenting? Because parenting is not passive, parenting is not
passive, you can't just go through life and we'll see what happens. It doesn't
work like that. And so the first thing here, when we think about attention, what
your Children see and what you say shapes their world. If you play video games
and you have the first person perspective, understand that for your child, that
is the only view that they have of life, their view of life of your family is
assumed as normal. Many of you of adults now have had to process that. There
comes a point in age where you start to objectively understand the world outside
of yourself. And some of you, maybe you've come from unhealthy situations and it
wasn't till you were older and you realize, oh, that wasn't normal and so much
of what we battle good and bad as adults stem from our experiences as Children.
And so we have to pay attention. What is it that our kids are seeing? What is it
that our kids are hearing? What is it that we are saying? Because one lesson on
a Sunday, you know, that's one hour out of 100 and 68 we have to realize what
are they getting the other? One? 167. And so paying attention to this. Another
crazy stat that I heard was that from the time a child is born to the time the
child leaves the house is about roughly 1000 weeks, 1000 weeks. So if you
picture a jar of marbles and that every week, good or bad, whether you use it
well or not, a marble is coming out of that jar. Ok? And, and for those that are
approaching graduation right now. You're looking at that jar going, oh, my
goodness. We're almost out. And so we have to pay attention and then we have to
be intentional. Right. What are we choosing to do? What are the choices we make?
There are circumstances and things that we can't control. Right. You can't
control. If somebody betrayed you, you can't control a health battle or maybe a
financial thing if, if something happened to you, but you can't control how you
respond, right? And and if you're, if you're walking through life as a single
parent or as a blended family or things, you're gonna have different challenges
than others. But you still have the opportunity to invest into the life of your
child that then will echo into eternity. If you came from an unhealthy
situation, you can change the direction for generations to come and to offer a
legacy, not of overwhelmed but overcoming and you can invest and change the
lives of the kids around you. The last part there is that parenting involves
mission. It involves mission. It says this in Psalm. It's not gonna be on the
screen, but it says this in Psalm 1 27 3, it says like arrows in the hand of a
warrior. So are the Children of one's youth. When your kids eventually move out
of the house, you are not losing your Children, you're launching your Children.
The power of an arrow really is when you release it. And so our goal as parents
is not to just hold on and keep them sheltered as long as possible. Yes, we want
to do, protect them from the world, but at some point you're launching them into
the world. And so whatever stage of life you're in right now, you have to
understand that you are pulling back the bow and that there is purpose and
mission into what you're doing. And so where are you aiming? Are you just
shooting that bow straight up in the air or do you have a target that you want
Godly men and women that are happy and, and pursuing their dreams and going
after that and making healthy choices. Now, I've also encountered over many
years people who are have challenging kiddos, remember that God is God, he is
perfect, right? And at one point, the only two human beings that he created
rebelled against him. And so if you have a rebellious child, understand you're
in good company, God did too, ok. You're not gonna out parent God. And so
sometimes because of sin and because of free will, you know, kids rebel and
that's difficult and that's challenging, but that's also not a hopeless
situation. And so you can choose, you can pray, you can serve, you can lead, you
can model, you can try to offer as much as you can. Those three things of a
source boundaries and direction. And I've seen many times over where kids who
are just nightmares in their teens end up becoming some of the strongest leaders
in the church. Nick back. Ok. And so some might be sitting here. Ok, John.
That's cool. You know, what's my aim? I don't know. I'm just trying to survive
the day. Right. I'm just trying to get kids to school on time. I'm just trying
to go through what it, I, I, how am I supposed to have a long term view when I
don't, I, I'm just trying to figure out dinner tonight, you know. Well, let me
just offer a practical passage. Is this one that I personally use in my own
spiritual life? But also in parenting. And as we realize that we have an aim, we
have a responsibility as we're trying to launch our kids into the world to make
a difference for the kingdom of God. And we look at attention, intention and
mission. Here's a real practical passage that I love for my own personal walk.
It's a so if you don't have kiddos, you can use this personally. But if you have
kiddos is a great starting point, ok. It's found in Colossians chapter two. Let
me read this for you. Colossians chapter two starting in verse six. Therefore,
as you received Christ Jesus the Lord. So walk in him, rooted and built up in
him and established in the faith just as you were taught, abounding in
thanksgiving. There are four phrases that we're gonna come back to, that gives
us our goals. But I wanna tell you why these are important because it's found in
verse eight. Why is it important that we parent our Children? Verse eight? See
to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit according to
human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world. And not
according to Christ, understand this, that your child is being discipled, but
they could be discipled by the world, by their friend group or by their family.
I am. So what, what is the largest, most important voice in their lives? And how
can we do that? And so we don't wanna be taken captive by the teachings of this
world. Instead, we want to intentionally invest and raise our kids in Christ
together with the principles of scripture so that they can be happy, healthy and
make a difference in this world. And so what are those principles? Will they
come directly out of this passage for parenting goals? This is where we can aim
for our kids to be. It's not, it's not perfection. Let me just clarify this. I
promise you this will not be perfect. And you're gonna have so many messy days
and you're gonna have so many days where you feel like you're failing as a
parent, you're gonna have other days where you feel like your kids are failing
as kids. Like come on, I've told you that how many times, right? Like are we
seriously here? You're gonna find the struggles if you're not already? OK. But
these are things to come back to. This is a target to aim for. Ok. First thing
here is we want to aim for our kids to be grounded. We want to aim for our kids
to be grounded. Therefore, just as you received Christ, Jesus, so walk in him,
rooted in Christ, there is a strength, a firm foundation that comes from being
anchored into the word and the truth of God, there was a huge windstorm about a
month or so ago. If you remember that maybe your trees got hit with that or, or
things went crazy. Remember here like it was blowing like 3040 miles an hour.
Well, in our backyard, we have um a table that's off to the side, kind of like
the tables we have out front here and because we move it around. Uh I didn't put
a base in the umbrella and so that wind just caught that umbrella stand and it
just went flying uh over our yard and onto the street and hit a small dog. Ok? I
just made up that last part. But, but you got worried, didn't you? You got
worried, it could have. So it did not. So thankfully, no, no animals were harmed
in the flying of my umbrella. Um But the reason the umbrella took off is because
there was nothing anchoring it to the ground. And here's my fear that if we
don't anchor our kiddos into the truth of the word of God, we're gonna send them
out into the world, into college, into jobs and just say, ok, good luck. I mean,
if they're not anchored, right. I can, I can promise you this, the winds and
storms are coming, right? But the good news is, as it says in Hebrew six, that
we have an anchor for our soul. And so if you want your child to hang tight to
stand strong amidst the storms and tribulations that are they're gonna face in
college or in the workplace or out in society and beyond. Give them an anchor of
love and an identity as a son or daughter of God. And that they are defined by
the God who made them not what the friends or non friends of college and other
people say about them, right? So a good goal for kiddos is to give, get them
grounded, give them roots because if your roots go deep, your life can grow
strong. That's the second thing is that we want to aim for our kids to be
growing. I wanna be growing. We talked about this earlier in the series about
having a fixed mindset or a growing mindset. You know, when you are saved, you
are full of the churchy term is you are justified, you are declared right, you
are forgiven in the sight of the eyes of the Lord, but you're not just praying a
prayer to receive Christ and then, and then doing whatever you want. But rather
that's when your journey begins. And so now you are becoming more like Jesus
every day. And that process, the church you word for that is called
sanctification. So justification is to be declared right. Sanctification is to
be made, right? And even now as parents, we are not perfect, we are still
growing. And so we are rooted in Christ, but then we are being built up in him.
So things like the fruit of the spirit, spiritual formation and disciplines that
even when we make mistakes and we will make mistakes. We are growing and a
simple mind shift. OK? Is don't think of it. This comes from Craig Groeschel.
Don't think of it as that you're simply trying, you're not trying, you're
training when you train for something, it's expected that you will fail, but
failure is part of the process, right? So you're getting better, you're
training. And so as a follower of Jesus, you're not simply trying, you're
training as parents, you're not simply trying to be a parent, you're training as
a parent, you're growing and as you grow, your kids can grow, you know, kids
throw fits, they do and our kids are about four years apart. And so we've been
dealing with tantrums our whole like many years. I am no longer surprised by a
tantrum. This Oh, is that all you got the right now, if your child is still
throwing tantrums at 25. Right. That's not cute. Right. I don't want a sucker. I
want two suckers. Like, it's like, ok, it's expected from a little child if
you're in your twenties and that's you. Right. Like, like, ok, you got, it's
time to grow. Right. That's a goal. Ok. We want our kids to be grounded. We want
our kids to be growing rooted and built up in Christ, the third goal, third aim
and our parenting, our relationships and even for ourselves is that we want to
be graceful. This is that built off that phrase that we are established in
faith, established in faith, the more you learn about scripture, the more you
learn about Jesus, the more you realize that he was full of grace and truth that
when you become more like Jesus, you don't become more judgmental, you become
more graceful. You offer grace to yourself as well as others and you become more
loving. No one wants to, no one sits there and says, man, I really hope that
when my child grows up, he's bitter, spiteful, angry. Those aren't the fruit of
the spirit, right? And so it's it's good to think through like how can I teach
grace to my child every single day when I drop my kids off at school, I always
say the same two things to my kids. And I have a few phrases I use throughout
parenting. And again, I'm by no means perfect. I think I have many shortcomings
but we try to establish these principles. And so every day when I drop them off
at school, I say, all right guys, daddy loves you. Be awesome. Be kind. Every
day I say be awesome. Do the best you can and everything you can and then be
kind, right? It's amazing how far you can get in life and trying your best and
not being a jerk, right? Be awesome. Be kind. Are we becoming more graceful? And
that means are we extending grace to our kids and to ourselves? It's a good
thing to aim for. Last thing here is that abounding in Thanksgiving means that
we should aim for our kids to be grateful, aim for our kids to be grateful. It's
amazing how far gratitude will take you in life at the same time without it, you
will never be happy. If you are not grateful, you will never have enough. You
will never be enough. What's interesting about that passage there where it says
abounding in Thanksgiving. Do you know that word? Abounding is the same word
used to describe the leftovers from when Jesus fed the 5000 that said that they
were uh they pa they fed the 5000 people. If you're not familiar with the story,
Jesus took a lunchable from a little boy, some fish and some bread fed almost
20,000 people, 5000 men and then women and Children as well. And then on top of
that, there were 12 baskets of leftovers. A few chapters later, he actually
feeds 4000 men and then, and more women and Children there. And then there's
seven baskets of leftovers. In both cases. In Matthew, the word to describe the
leftovers was abounding. Same used to describe here that we are abounding in
Thanksgiving. Do you have enough gratitude in your heart that it spills over and
leftovers to everybody else? Think through this that if your child as an adult
is grounded, is growing, is graceful and it's grateful. I think you're off to a
good start. Right? A couple of quotes here as we're wrapping up guy named Edward
Duke of Windsor says this, you know, the thing that impresses me most about
America is the way parents obey their Children. Uh I don't like that quote
because there's a lot of truth in it. Right next one here, Matt Chandler, he
describes family discipleship this way. He says family discipleship is leading
your home by whatever you can. Whenever you can to help your family become
friends and followers of Jesus, I love that doing whatever you can whenever you
can tell them, become friends and followers of Jesus. Last quote here is that a
child who has not been disciplined with love by his little world will be
disciplined without love by the great big world. You might be walking through
something hard right now. I want you to praise Jesus that it's hard in your
home. Let me tell you, it's gonna be scarier out there. And I know it's
difficult. I know there's challenges for those that are blended families,
against single parents, those who came from difficult situations, even you got
two parents in the home and you both are believers. It's hard. So whatever
situation in, I want you to know that God is there, that God is with you, that
parenting involves attention. What do we see? What do we say, intention? What
are our choices that we make? Are we parenting on purpose? And then there's with
mission, you can make a difference. God can make a difference in you and through
you that your child like an arrow can be launched into this world to make a
difference. They can be grounded in Him growing in their faith, graceful to
those around them and grateful for the world that God has given them. I do wanna
again remind you we, I know that parenting goes well beyond just one
conversation. That's why there's a QR code down there. It's also on mission
growth.info. We have this resource for you. Take it, use it. It's just, it's
helping to start a conversation today of five foundations of a family and we
want you to know that we are here for you that we love you, that God loves you.
That the way God described. His church is a family and that you as a child of
God can help raise other Children of God and that together we can make a
difference for eternity. One life at a time. God's for you. That's before
kiddos. Will you pray with me? Dear heavenly father? Thank you for those who are
in the battle. God, I pray that we can just commit our families and our kids to
you. You are a source. You give us our boundaries, you give us direction. May
our families and our kids be like rivers of life impacting the world for you. So
I thank you this mother's day. I thank you for our families and we lift them up
to you now and your son's gonna, we pray amen. Will you stand and respond with
me?