I want you to imagine for a moment that I hand you this puzzle and I wanna challenge you to put the pieces together for $1 million. OK? I don't have a million dollars, but some of you just perked up a little bit. Welcome to church. But uh real quick actually, while I have your attention, do I got any puzzle people in the room? Anybody that loves puzzles? OK. Any not puzzle people? OK. I, I appreciate how quickly those hands get raised as well. And if their friend or loved one is, is a puzzle person, they're like, like if, if you're a puzzle person, I asked you, you looked at me if you're not a puzzle person. When you raise your hand, you looked at the person who is one. I know that like, right. So just imagine for a moment though, that you are a puzzle person because there's gonna be a prize at the end. Now, I should tell you though that this puzzle has a few additional challenges with it. First, I removed all of the edge pieces, so I removed all the border pieces. So you have no idea when you've actually reached the end of the puzzle. Ok. Secondly, I made a mistake when I was cleaning up last time I accidentally put in pieces from other puzzles. And so there's a lot of pieces in here. They all look kind of similar, but some of them don't actually belong. So good luck sorting those ones out. And then lastly, have you noticed there's no top to the box and that's because I lost the, the top of the box. And so you actually have no picture to understand that when you're actually done or what it's supposed to look like. So uh no border, there's extra pieces and you have no idea what the puzzle is supposed to look like. All right, who's in anybody? No, not as many. OK. Some people are up for challenges. I like that. Why do I share that? I share that because as crazy as that sounds to take that approach to putting a puzzle together. That is the exact approach that our world teaches towards having a relationship. If you think about someone who's in a dating relationship or married relationship or looking to be dating or to be married as our world teaches, they have the same approach, they'll tell you, hey, you don't need a border, no boundaries. You don't need a frame, don't you? Do you? OK, don't let somebody set boundaries for you because you decide your stand in your truth. OK. And then secondly, if you're pursuing a relationship, you really have no idea what pieces belong and what don't. Right. You really have no idea. And a lot of these pieces look like they belong, but they also look so similar. So how do you know what pieces go in the box? And which ones don't? And then lastly if you don't have a picture, if you don't have a goal that you're aiming for, how do you know that you're even successful? Or let's say you get, get done creating the thing, the relationship as you see fit. You don't even know if you're successful in that. Thankfully, the Bible gives us a better way. Thankfully, we worship and sing up to and sing about and, and study from God's word. A God who is relational, the Trinity itself. God, the Father Jesus, the Son and the Holy Spirit have perfect relationship in and of Himself as God. And then we are created in his image, which means that we are also relational, that we are created for relationships. But the difference is, is that from a God perspective, God enters the relationship with what he can give and most of us and our relationships with the approach of what can we get. But I wanna take a few moments this morning and dive in to see what is it that God's Word? The Bible actually has to say about relationships. Because if you read the word of God and you actually apply it to your life. The Bible actually makes you better at life and ultimately makes your life better. And that's not to say that you're hashtag blessed all the time. Like you're not gonna have any issues, you're not gonna have any problems, but rather you're gonna find meaning and truth and have a field guide and a map to work through any circumstance or situation because we approach relationships differently, don't we? Like? You don't typically show up at the first date and go. Here's all my baggage, right? What you typically do is you show up and you hide it all behind you, right? You got all your doubts, all your issues, all your past failures and mistakes and mistrust and questions and you try to hide that and you look across the table, like look at that perfect person has no baggage or issues whatsoever. When in reality they're doing the exact same thing, right? And, and two people get together and they're both hiding their bad stuff in their baggage. And I, and I don't mean that in a like mean sense. I mean that in the fact that we all have baggage and we all have issues and then these relationships, you try to pretend to be perfect for the other person or you seek the perfect per person that you think is perfect and then you reach a certain point in a relationship where you bring out that first. I don't know if you'd like this Right. I think, well, if I just got married, that would solve things, OK, you put two selfish, broken people together and what that's gonna do is just reveal who you are. And what happens is that the relationship actually becomes a reveal of your character. But the positive thing is this, if you're taking notes, write this down, that the purpose of marriage is the picture of the gospel. The purpose of marriage is the picture of the gospel. The world will teach you that the purpose of marriage is just personal happiness and it's a part of it. But what happens when you're not happy, done with that one? Let's try something else. No, it's actually much deeper than that. It's deeper than happiness. It's, it's, it's a sense of joy and meaning and purpose. It, it's the laboratory where you get to actually understand what the love of God really means. You see, it's one thing to sing about grace. It's another thing to experience it. It's another thing to be forced to show it. It's another thing to actually receive it. Like forgiveness is not just some theological construct, but a deep eternal truth that if you've ever had to forgive someone, you understand that it's more difficult than you ever realize. But if you've ever been on the receiving end of forgiveness, it's more powerful than anything you can imagine. And so relationships, we are created for relationships, understand this, that marriage came into play in Genesis chapter two. But sin didn't come into play until Genesis chapter three. That means that marriage is good and whatever stage of life you find yourself in right now. This morning's message is for you. In fact, I just talked to someone after the first service who said man, I wish I knew what you shared this morning 40 years ago. And so even if you're not in a relationship, I want you to take notes, take this in because we gotta decide what actually goes in the box. What is the picture that belongs on the top? What is the purpose of relationships? Anyway, the purpose of marriage is actually the picture of the gospel. It's the living laboratory of eternal truth. It's where you get to experience things at a deeper level and then you can live them out. You know, I love being a pastor here at Mission Grove, but there are other people that can be pastors, but only I can be a husband to my wife and a father, to my Children. So I take that call very seriously. And so my understanding of God is directly connected to my experience in relationship with people around me. And if you're having issues in the relationships around you, that's gonna directly impact how you view and how you understand God. So those three issues boundaries, pieces in the box and the picture on the cover, we're gonna take a look at those. But in reverse order and see. What is it that God has designed relationships to be first one. What picture should be on our box? If we have marriage or relationship, what should actually be on the cover? What should we be aiming for? What's the target? The Apostle Paul writes this in Ephesians chapter five. He says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, the two shall become one flesh. He's quoting Genesis here. He says, this mystery is profound. Amen. Guys in the room. Marriage is, is a mystery. You know, we have no idea. Ladies, if you ask us like, do we know what's wrong? Let me just help you out. We do not, we have no idea what's wrong and you do much better just to tell us and then for us to try to guess because if it's the, hey, if you knew me, we don't, we don't know you, we won't know you. It got real quiet in here. I'm gonna step on some toes. This is getting some, it's getting serious here. But Right. It's true. We, we struggle, right? Me is gonna be a mystery but here's what gets crazy. Paul comes onto the scene and he says, hey, you know this idea of marriage, let me tell you what it actually is meant for what the purpose is. He says, I am saying that it referring to marriage. I'm I'm saying that this relationship refers to Christ and the church he says, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let wife see that she respects her husband, how you treat your loved ones, how you treat your spouse is a direct reflection of how you view the gospel. That's not how the world, that's not what the world teaches about marriage. It's transactional, maybe financial, maybe sexual, maybe physical, maybe emotional, whatever it is. You give me this, I give you that if it doesn't work, OK, we move on. But at the core, it represents our view of God and our understanding of what Christ has done. What did Jesus do? Jesus sacrificed and served and loved a few verses before this, it actually says that we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. In other words, healthy relationships, healthy marriages are a race to the back of the line to try to outdo one another in honor that Jesus. It says this in Romans 58 that while we were still sinners at the, at the God ordained time, he died for us. Jesus entered the relationship. Jesus loved his church by giving, by sacrificing by serving and ultimately dying on the cross for our sins, not for his. This is the picture of a healthy marriage. This is the picture on the box that my greatest ministry in life is gonna be how I love and serve my wife and lead my Children. That how I love them and serve them is a direct reflection of my understanding of God. When you get that, when you see that picture, it changes everything. Ok. Great. Jesus is the picture that's, that's kind of hard to live up to, you know, you're gonna have a conversation either way you're gonna, why can't you be more like Jesus? Hey, so how do you, how do you take two broken people? We got all our baggage, right? We're, we're eventually gonna be vulnerable and open. Uh How, what do we do from there? How do we go from there? In other words, what pieces actually belong in the box? How do we know what's supposed to be in a healthy relationship in a healthy marriage? Well, Paul gives us this advice and it's in Galatians chapter five and he's talking about the spiritual life, but we're gonna read it through the lens of marriage for this morning. He says, but I say, walk by the spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. I wanna pause here on this verse for a moment because I used to read this verse as a threat or verse that would end in me feeling shameful because what would happen is, is I would fall in temptation or sin or mess up. And then I read this verse and it says, but if I walk by the spirit, you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Well, I did something sinful. Therefore, I'm awful after experiencing the Christian walk, after experiencing years in relationship. What I've come to realize that this verse is not a threat, but actually a promise, the solution, the way out of the issue that you got yourself into. What he's saying is that if you walk by the spirit, the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, that is available to those who believe in him as Lord and Savior. The same power that created the world that lives in you. If you walk by that spirit, if you are spirit led and spirit filled, you will not gratify the desires of the flesh that you can actually stand in the spirit that overcoming is possible that victory is here and that you can choose better and you can choose different. You might have messed up yesterday and the day before and the day before. But today you're gonna stand in the spirit of God. So it's actually a way out and he goes on and he says this, it says for the desires of the flesh are against the spirit. See, they're not hanging out, they're not best butts, ok? They're not going out for wings and beat ups, ok? They're not, they don't get along. It says, for the desires of the spirit are against the flesh, for those are opposed to each other to keep you. See, the flesh desires are keeping you from doing the things that you wanna do. What are those things? What are the pieces that need to take out of our box says, but if you are led by the spirit, you are not under the law. What are those things? Now? The works of the flesh are evident, sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and things like these things like these. That list is not like a very uplifting list list. If someone took that list and we're like, hey, I read Galatians 519 through 21 and I thought of your relationship today. That's not a good thing, right? Like no one wakes up and says, man, I really hope when I get older, I just get in this incredible relationship where there's lots of fits of anger. You know, I, I really, I really hope there's idolatry and adultery and, um, man, I, I just wish I could be more bitter, you know, I wish I could be in a relationship where I question every decision and I can't trust anybody moving forward. You know, that's, isn't that what everybody longs for? You're all looking at me good. None of us long for that. But then why do we so quickly put those pieces in? Why do we invite Satan and sensuality and, and morality and things into it? Now, some of us might be doing well in some categories, right? I don't know of a lot of people that really struggle with sorcery. I mean, maybe they do, right? But, but it's in the list. OK? But yeah, we welcome pride right through the front door. Hey, come on in, come in in pride. Sit next to me, sit right here. Tell me I'm right. I need you to help me gang up on the other person, right? It doesn't belong in the box. It says I wanna warn you as I've warned you before that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. This is not how God designed relationships to be verse 22. But see if I stopped right there, there'd be a really depressing marriage sermon, wouldn't it? Here's everything bad. We all do them. Sorry. Good night, everybody, good luck says, but the fruit of the spirit singular, this idea all the pieces in the box when you have faith in Jesus and he gives you the box, everything for Godliness and Godly relationships that's handed to you. Let me tell you what a healthy relationship looks like. Let me give you a new score court card, a new scoreboard for your relationship. It is the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control. Notice it doesn't say spouse control, ok. We wish it said it, but it doesn't says self control against such things. There is no law what he's saying here in the context of marriage is no relationship broke up because there were two of that man. I'm just too joyful. Gotta end it. You know, I'm too loving. I just have this incredible sense of security and peace not gonna work, right. These are the things that we long for, don't we? Purpose and joy and gentleness and self control. The problem is, is that all of these are the fruit that comes out of our life, not their life. Some of you are exhausted because you're trying to put fruit on somebody else's tree. You're trying to staple things on you should be this stop. You can only control yourself. Now, the benefit is is that yourself being this, living this out being this example can actually be the redemptive change agent in the relationship. That's why he says against such things. There is no law, this, these are the pieces that belong in your relationship. These are what we pursue. Are we broken? Yes. Do we mess up? Yes. But what are you pursuing says against such things? There is no law and those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the spirit, let us also keep in step with the spirit. Now, I don't like that phrase. Keep in step with the spirit. Do you know why? Because if you have to keep in step with the spirit, what does that mean? Means God's moving. It means you have to move. If you got kids. You totally understand this. Have you ever tried to walk? I don't know anywhere. Right. You're walking, your kids are walking and what do you do? Come on, come on and it's directly connected, reverse connected that if you have to be somewhere faster, they will walk slower. Same thing is if the, if the event is really important to you, then you trip, you know, you decrease the speed by three times. Right? Come on, come on, let's go. Let's go. Come on. Come on as, as a youth leader, as a youth intern in Ohio and Cincinnati, we took a mission trip to New York City and there is this kid, middle school kid. I feel bad because I honestly don't remember his name now because I just called him Potter because he looked identical to Harry Potter. And so you have no idea who this kid's name is but you got a picture. Ok? He looked identical to Harry Potter. Everyone called him Potter. And so we're all walking downtown New York City. Super busy, right? There's a group of like 30 of us and we're all walking together and Potter out of nowhere just stops. But we, I didn't notice and we keep walking a few more blocks and we get to our destination and all of a sudden one of the kids is like, hey, where's Potter? Like, I don't know and, and you could see all the leaders faces. We were like, we just lost a kid in New York City. And I'm like, I'm just the intern, you lost the kid in New York City. And we're like, searching and we're frantically searching and we're just like, oh, eventually, thankfully we found him and I was like, what? Potter? What, why did you stop? You wanna know his really deep reasoning? I don't know. I wonder how many of us give that response to God. Right? We wanna be spirit led, spirit filled God. I'm with you. I praise you way maker, right? We're singing, we're like, oh then Monday comes and we just kind of stopped for a second. I'm like, huh? We don't read. We don't pray, we don't engage. We don't look at anything. We're like God. Where'd you go? We didn't keep in step with the spirit. We didn't follow God as he moves. You know, uh it, it's one of those things that if you ever had a child who went a went away, ran a ran off from you and you go and you find them. And their first response is dad. Where'd you go? Like you ran off for me when I was right here. I used to question why they made those kid like backpacks with the tether cord. I don't know, you know, makes all the sense in the world to me. But sometimes I wonder if I need that with God. And so the pieces that belong, the scoreboard, the scorecard for a relationship is, in fact the fruit of the spirit that if you are spirit filled and spirit led, it's gonna produce this in your life. And this is what we're actually longing for. It's not lust, it's not pride, it's, it's love sacrifice. Right? But here's the problem though. We live in a world that told people that you have to have somebody to have it. All right. Like Jerry Maguire, right? Super romantic line. You complete me. It's a great line, horrible theology and a horrible basis for a relationship. Here's why some of you are out here waiting to find the right person instead of becoming the right person. What a better line would have been if Jerry Maguire to say would be like, I'm already complete. It might not work great for the movies, but I'm telling you what it would work great in your relationship. Why? Because your security is found in Jesus, not your spouse, but we've grown up thinking the wrong thing, right? Fairy tales always end and the couple lived, finished the sentence happily after. But if you live happily ever after, that means that you are stuck, that you need that thing, that person that raise that fill in the blank to be happy. What if instead of living happily ever after we lived in a way happily ever already. In other words, my security, my identity is already found in Jesus because your purpose will come before the per person your identity is secure in your singleness, but also in your dating, but also in your married life. And the reason that's so important because if your security is found in Jesus is found in God, that means that you can approach the relationship, not with what you can get from the other person, but rather what you can give and that changes everything. I'm already complete. Turn to your neighbor for me and say I'm already complete. Well, don't disagree with them. So the spouse is like, I it it ain't complete. Here's what I mean though, is that a good person still makes a horrible God. And if you try to elevate your spouse into the God position, you're either gonna idolize him or you're gonna demonize him. They can't do anything wrong or they can't do anything, right? Both are negative foundations for a healthy relationship. Instead, God completes you. God forgives you blesses, you secures you. So then you can approach the relationship. How can I love you? How can I serve you get two people that do that? That is a relationship worth pursuing, right? And it starts now, that's why it's not about finding the right person waiting for the right person. It's about becoming secure in Jesus now. So we looked at the picture in the box, we looked at the pieces that go in a healthy relationship. The last thing, why are boundaries important? Why do you need the frame? Why do you need the outside. Anyway, that same chapter of Galatians Galatians chapter five verse one says, for freedom, Christ has set us free, stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. When you have the boundary of one person, there's actually complete freedom in that. And it's not the freedom that you're thinking of. It's the freedom to be fully known to take all your stuff. See, Jesus knew every sin that you would ever commit and you know, his response left. Jesus knows every bad thing that you've ever done and says that's not gonna change my love for you. Isn't that freedom? The freedom are not to pretend the freedom not to feel shame and guilt, the freedom to feel accepted, secured, safe, to fully know and to be fully known. Isn't that what we're longing for? That's what God's created in healthy relationships that comes from knowing Him for all the single people in the room sh gone run fully after God. And at some point look up and see who's running with. You don't sacrifice your faith for someone lesser not worth it for those dating or married. Married Levi Lesco put it this way. He says, even if you're married, you've been married for years, you better date your spouse, you better date your mate. Otherwise the devil will find someone to do it for you. You gotta keep pursuing, keep loving because if you set up the healthy God ordained boundaries of what it means to have a meaningful loving relationship, a loving marriage that is going to be the greatest expression you can ever have and the greatest experience that you will have of the gospel. So the last thing here is that where, how do we apply this, John, I already told you at the beginning. I'm not a puzzle person, so I don't know what to do with this. Let me just give you one truth that you can start this week. Ok. Healthy relationships, treasure, intentional, memorable experiences, healthy relationships, treasure, intentional, memorable experiences doesn't mean expensive, just intentional and memorable. So help you remember, it actually spells the word time, treasure, intentional, memorable experiences. Can you take an intentional moment with your spouse or child or friend? Maybe it's reading a story at bedtime. It was having a conversation in the car ride, maybe it's having a family meal with no phones. What can you do to show intentional memorable experiences and share those together? Because love could also be spelled time. Can you spend time with that spouse and enter that time? Not with trying to get something from them? But instead I already have what I need from God. So I'm gonna enter with, what can I give if you change that mindset mindset, it'll change everything and transform your empowered relationship. Let's pray dear heavenly Father Goddess. The band comes up here and we get ready to sing to you. I wanna lift up the relationships in the room. For God those who are single, I pray that they can find their security, their identity and you, for those that are dating God, I pray that they can pursue the healthy pieces of a healthy relationship. And God, for those who are married, I pray that we can continue to sacrifice and to serve and to put the needs of one another ahead of our own. Now, the purpose of marriage is a picture of the Gospel. It's my prayer that we can show the world what healthy, thriving marriage relationship can look like, but how we love you and how we love each other. Thank you for taking our Brokenness for giving us. So God as two broken people come together, I pray that we can be honest and open and then we can use you as the model for how to love one another. We love you. God, thank you for loving us. It's in your sins. Let me pray.